tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-74089180333513112072024-02-20T17:04:52.866-06:00courtney lyn fillmoreCourtney http://www.blogger.com/profile/15406149922846236513noreply@blogger.comBlogger314125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7408918033351311207.post-2065010603863382222017-07-20T23:35:00.001-05:002017-07-21T17:09:00.248-05:00how he asked<span style="font-size: x-large;">he liked it, so he put a ring on it!</span><br />
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I will never forget the first time I met MJHJR. I can remember it SO vividly, as if it happened yesterday. it was a hot, sun-shinny, Sunday afternoon! I was sitting in a coffee shop excited to meet this guy I'd hope could become my boyfriend. I was as white as a ghost, with my heart beating outside of my chest. I remember seeing him from afar as he walked towards the door, in his hat, black t-shirt & jeans on. I jumped off the stool & gave him a hug, as if we'd known each other for years. my stomach actually dropped & I was so giddy/excited/freaking out/trying to play it cool that a cute boy from up north thought he should drive down state just to get coffee... with me! he bought us iced lattes & we proceeded to talk for five hours. fast forward through two years of long drives home, texts, adventures, walks, talks, tears, laughs, kisses, disagreements, new jobs, new houses, new friends, lots of dates, road trips, long phone calls, cuddles & a lot of love... to last weekend! sort of reminds me of how I was feeling last Sunday when I met my fiance for the first time!<br />
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my family tries to be intentional about having family dinners when we can, so last week when my sister texted the fam that her & her husband were hosting a family bbq... of course I didn't think anything of it. in fact I texted MJHJR right away, to give him the heads up that we had family dinner coming up. he of course made a cheeky comment about how he'd be missing a dumb TV show, before he could agree he would be there. we had just got home from a long weekend in Chicago, so I was eager to tell twin about our trip and how much fun we had! the twins arranged a double date for Sunday afternoon, before the family bbq. if you know me, you know how much I love my family. in fact being around my family is my favorite past time! so none of these plans or activities seemed out of the ordinary.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-E_-_yU9irEXQwIWNjVOQgf4kOjwVJfCvd6JIewuvtz67NcKYsQJR9Y60hHH1vcG_J7RUrcmH0tzB1lOYBpsXwrCw9gxoSKJMqGJTeHMEp6j9ksYaveV47JPjYtxHJzbeTIMwedSU7q9J/s1600/IMG_7183.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-E_-_yU9irEXQwIWNjVOQgf4kOjwVJfCvd6JIewuvtz67NcKYsQJR9Y60hHH1vcG_J7RUrcmH0tzB1lOYBpsXwrCw9gxoSKJMqGJTeHMEp6j9ksYaveV47JPjYtxHJzbeTIMwedSU7q9J/s320/IMG_7183.JPG" width="240" /></a>MJHJR & I generally have a very routine Sunday. we usually go to church, go grocery shopping, relax a bit, maybe go on a walk & get ready for the work week (... that makes us seem old & boring... but I love it). which is why last Sunday didn't seem at all unusual, as we went about our Sunday afternoon as we normally would. not to mention Michael seemed totally laid back & normal.... literally didn't lead onto ANYTHING (boo are you a spy or actor on the side?!). we headed downtown & met the Van's at belle isle as planned. we bummed around the conservatory, looked at pretty flowers & walked through the gardens. tried to convince boo to get us ice cream & pretty sure we mentioned how it would be cool to get married at the conservatory. typical conversations & trailing around to different sights. early on that week linds & I had discussed that we were set on taking a picture together, cause we hadn't seen each other in a while & are always eager to have a nice updated twin-pic, as we call it.<br />
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the conservatory was ideal for a cool new twin-pic... however it was rather crowded & sweaty. we wandered down to a different part of the island that leads to a beachfront. the four of us walked down this trail to explore. finally we found a cool tree lined tunnel, that led to the water. it was cute, but I wasn't a fan of the lighting. we got a twin-pic. then I snapped some photos of JV & LV, they were cute... but I felt like there were weird shadows & bad lighting. so naturally, when Linds offered to take a picture of us, I grabbed MJHJR's hand & told her to take our picture across the way in a field instead.<br />
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<b>side note: </b>little did I know that just the day before MJHJR was meeting with JV&LV to pass off the ring so he wouldn't have to carry it around all day. so just as they planned while I was snapping pictures of the Van's, Michael was grabbing the ring from Linds purse ... good thing I didn't turn around?!</blockquote>
we venture out of the tree tunnel back into this huge open field. Linds is trying to take a picture of my cute boyfriend & I. meanwhile of course in true MJHJR fashion, he is making dumb faces & flashing gang symbols. I was trying so hard not to get too annoyed ... but I swear boyfran just can't seem to ever take a 'normal' photo when I ask. before I could even begin to lecture him on why he needs to act normal & cute in a picture.... he's kneeling on one knee telling me how much he loves me & asking me to MARRY HIM!?<br />
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ME!?! you want MEEEE to MARRY YOU!?! to say I was shocked, surprised, excited, freaking out is all an understatement. my heart was racing so fast & I couldn't stop shaking! all I could say was <i>are you serious </i>& <i>are you sure.</i>.. not really what I had been rehearsing for the last 27 years. but somehow I managed to say <b><u>YES</u></b> .... and sort of stop shaking enough so he could put the ring on my finger. IS THIS REAL LIFE?! we of course have talked & planned on getting married for some time now, but the timing was always a little touchy. I didn't want to be THAT girl always bugging him about it ... and thought here & there it would happen, then when it didn't I just kept telling myself I had some time before he'd ask & really was expecting him to propose in the fall! I thought I was SURE he hadn't talked to my parents, there was no way he had got a ring yet & helllllo I know where he is at all times (clearly not) ... well, I was very wrong ... ha! what a sneaky little thing!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRk4MsQuF3HQGrrkHDfCo9byT71e_xxjMAq1Lm2_1lGYsrEbbtP4EoigXvn6-sb7gSCbem5dRT6PS3jveF6YsM5QIUSqjKGgo9GeOsn8C9us9OUUehpbox_5rnGJgeVJNq5k_ApJ7wNEcq/s1600/IMG_7057.JPG" imageanchor="1"></a><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-V9TSijeDFvc/WXFzjdMl0BI/AAAAAAAAFMI/edTj6TGmZVsDqDeQSlo9k2gS5wXl5yxGACK4BGAYYCw/s1600/IMG_7059.JPG" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-V9TSijeDFvc/WXFzjdMl0BI/AAAAAAAAFMI/edTj6TGmZVsDqDeQSlo9k2gS5wXl5yxGACK4BGAYYCw/s200/IMG_7059.JPG" width="200" /></a><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-9Qrc7mIRVlg/WXF04bX7gkI/AAAAAAAAFMg/yjX_Cv2ub64egcXm8sfYGekitusD-9NyACK4BGAYYCw/s1600/IMG_7057.JPG" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-9Qrc7mIRVlg/WXF04bX7gkI/AAAAAAAAFMg/yjX_Cv2ub64egcXm8sfYGekitusD-9NyACK4BGAYYCw/s200/IMG_7057.JPG" width="200" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXqBpIJYidzdcr5GXWXnlp8kUk-CyYnJmWhz6Ri-VaS_s7of2I6nbelrgsBaWIUuUmTDl_qPltXNvKdawC3xqHaZu-MoDWMAdu5BvNqgdewz47rnI7QvUUaJMi-DcNUBHpWmJAyvqu_Ooq/s1600/IMG_7060.JPG" imageanchor="1"></a><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-yoPRqBXQSTc/WXF6dVq9JTI/AAAAAAAAFM0/Equx7MuEreIbC3pCbHTVAZulwQ1YXYwiACK4BGAYYCw/s1600/IMG_7058.JPG" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-yoPRqBXQSTc/WXF6dVq9JTI/AAAAAAAAFM0/Equx7MuEreIbC3pCbHTVAZulwQ1YXYwiACK4BGAYYCw/s200/IMG_7058.JPG" width="200" /></a><br />
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Linds & Jeff were able to capture the moment of pure bliss on video & in these perfect pictures! they gave us some time to be by ourselves & enjoy the moment. from there they explained how we were going to the family bbq to celebrate OUR engagement?! and that literally the entire family was there waiting for us!? having our family's close by was SO special & exactly how I'd have dreamt up as the perfect proposal (makes sense he made it happen ;)). everything about Michael's proposal was honestly perfect, exactly how WE would want it; a HUGE surprise, yet laid back, exciting, no big crowds & our family close by! so here we are two years later and you're still giving me butterflies & making my heart race with excitement baby!! it was fun being your girlfriend, I can't wait to be your wife!<br />
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">MJHJR</span></b> - you got me so good boo! I am still in actual shock as I type this gazing at my shiny hardware & can't believe you asked me to marry you! I feel like we just met for the first time. I literally cannot wait to marry YOU & become your wife! you are my favorite human & I truly can't imagine my life without you in it! babe you are the exact mix of calm, consistent, funny, wise, caring, weird, encouraging, goofy, quiet, thoughtful, detailed & concerned personality that I need in my life. you make me feel so loved, cared for, comfortable, beautiful, needed & known even on my hardest days! I can't wait for your comic to come out, because you're my favorite superhero! I'm so thankful that our paths crossed when they did ... God knew we needed each other. I had a feeling life with you would always be a <b>Holliday</b>.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I love you bae, hey lets get hitched! </span><br />
<br />Courtney http://www.blogger.com/profile/15406149922846236513noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7408918033351311207.post-26127298353420324482017-06-24T21:43:00.005-05:002017-06-25T17:22:08.385-05:00insta boast | part two<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpf97MbPB8-PEI4JunLGdg1q8RIBRGzgwOSIDmOHtHilg6rJsjCs8WYiqRoDEOT-96BR8zvX_MS_jwRn7U_ZUf4Y-QX0POCGOx6vUBnHXk1laOJ7xK_gZUiXfy4gvIIbHZvn7KmDZ6B3QB/s1600/unnamed+%25283%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpf97MbPB8-PEI4JunLGdg1q8RIBRGzgwOSIDmOHtHilg6rJsjCs8WYiqRoDEOT-96BR8zvX_MS_jwRn7U_ZUf4Y-QX0POCGOx6vUBnHXk1laOJ7xK_gZUiXfy4gvIIbHZvn7KmDZ6B3QB/s320/unnamed+%25283%2529.jpg" width="240" /></a>oh yeah I forgot this was supposed to be a <a href="http://cfillmore.blogspot.com/2017/04/insta-boast-part-one.html" target="_blank">series</a>. lol. my bad, I get lazy and life has been rather busy. which reminds me that I should tell everyone in the world ... the real me is kind of lazy, loves to sleep, complains a lot, literally never wears make up to work, generally has a more pessimistic outlook on life, can be extremely judgmental, is short with those I love/care about the most, cannot keep my room clean, has horrible road rage and my 15 year old car has old french fries, trash and coffee stains all over it. am I even an actual adult!? it's funny that you'd neverrrrr know any of that by scrolling through my perfectly manicured social media outlets. am I right?! <span style="font-size: large;">life can feel SO isolated when you start believing the lie, that you're the only one with a messy life beyond the cropped lines.</span><br />
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Zpekfb2Ce70/WU8lKsbv55I/AAAAAAAAFKM/V2dgqFl7_EYmo2gHcnkV4JbzsW71TeMNQCLcBGAs/s1600/unnamed%2B%25284%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Zpekfb2Ce70/WU8lKsbv55I/AAAAAAAAFKM/V2dgqFl7_EYmo2gHcnkV4JbzsW71TeMNQCLcBGAs/s320/unnamed%2B%25284%2529.jpg" width="240" /></a><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
the best part of instagram is the array of filters & cropping options, if I want to be more tan there's a filter for that. if I want to make the bags under my eyes look less noticeable, there's a filter for that. I am curious who actually posts #nofilter photos?? and sorry, but is it ACTUALLY filter-less?! lets be honest, the crop & filter of the photo can actually make or break how I appear online ..... and potentially lose them likes. it's why the weight loss before & after photos that flood my feed, from different work out accounts I follow sort of crack me up ... bad over head lighting and where your leggings sit on your hips, will determine if you look 10 pounds less than you are or not. [not discrediting peoples hard work, I truly find it inspirational when people change their habits to strengthen their body]. just saying, I know all the tricks okay.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj73EAESHpGhbzL90mDQNsJ2sh1iYn5zGIVO4IzVjhAiTgjrmiGi3gNMyQIqaGU3aP8ykIlF2Cm4SrPCcr-kkbdUOoOQB0oClrP2LnM-zxe5M0Nu1ngEZaYXl1YZP-Cup5GyeEoSSZEE4L_/s1600/unnamed+%25281%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj73EAESHpGhbzL90mDQNsJ2sh1iYn5zGIVO4IzVjhAiTgjrmiGi3gNMyQIqaGU3aP8ykIlF2Cm4SrPCcr-kkbdUOoOQB0oClrP2LnM-zxe5M0Nu1ngEZaYXl1YZP-Cup5GyeEoSSZEE4L_/s320/unnamed+%25281%2529.jpg" width="240" /></a>how funny, sad & yet warped is it that we go to such lengths to get the perfect lighting, best angle & such a precise crop ... to post ONE square photo. sound familiar?! it's scary how easily I get sucked into this process in real life, not just on my instagram boast(s). I find myself having this mentality in real life too people! I try so hard to look, speak, come across or appear a certain way from the outside. when in reality my life is cropped so no one sees my messy bathroom, the taco bell bag in my car from last week, how I snapped at my boyfriend or when I screamed profanities to myself as the driver in front of me... who #&*!#$% missed the green arrow. uh.. I don't want to spend my life living such a filtered-cropped-perfect-lighting life. why is it so difficult!? it's interesting that the only people who actually see my un-edited life are the ones that love me the most. why do I even try so hard to crop my life to out-siders?!<br />
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people; we're all messy humans okay?! lets be honest, a lot of us don't take vitamins, floss their teeth or say thank you enough [maybe that's just me?]. my room is almost always messy, I just move it out of the way for my instagram boast(s). I don't want anyone to know I have a messy room, therefore I choose not to tell/show anyone I have a messy room... I easily crop that part of my life out. maybe it's just me. guys, life is SO much more messier than my room or my un-filtered life. my life is a mess of insecurities, struggles, secret sin, relationships, thoughts, actions ect... I just happen to be an expert at making everyone else think my life is super tidy & perfectly cropped. it's like putting lipstick on a pig.<br />
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just like my family, the bearded wonder & a hand full of close friends choose to love my mess... Jesus welcomes our mess! HE steps into our mess and gives us the chance to clean up. it's comforting that we don't have to crop our lives with God, he sees beyond the cropped lines & filters. Jesus sees us & loves us the same. God calls us his MASTERPIECE [Ephesians 2:10.. the best], we're perfectly cropped to HIS liking. God has created us exactly how He saw fit. not one mistake or blemish on his creations. God I pray that I can stop hiding inside the filters & cropped photos, let me live a transparent life ... where I'm reflecting YOUR image. I want to be cropped & filtered into your liking ... not mine.Courtney http://www.blogger.com/profile/15406149922846236513noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7408918033351311207.post-59888457651620997222017-04-05T21:04:00.003-05:002017-04-05T21:30:47.558-05:00insta boast | part oneyou can tell you are close to someone when you start talking in weird-unnatural-funny sounding voices. it happens over time, usually without any sort of explanation. you subconsciously pick up weird phrases & tones that never existed prior to that relationship. if you ever read through my texts or overheard private conversations I have with my go-to-people, you'd probably think you were either listening to toddlers struggling to talk or maybe someone with a weird accent or perhaps a speech impediment?! [I'm exposing my humans as I type this, ha!]<br />
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sometimes our lingo involves adding an unnecessary "g" sound to any word that starts with a "c". or we may call each other weird names that are not even close to an offshoot of our given name. or there's my boyfriend who is an expert at cartoon voices, in fact I sometimes wonder if he completely missed his big break as a cartoon voice actor. some of us say "gol", which originates from the expression "golly" and "gah" - perfectly meshed into one easy to use exclamation. I'm sure all of our mothers & grade school teachers would shake their heads & roll their eyes if they heard us communicate to one another. bless it.</div>
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recently my twin sister & I were talking (in our language) about an <b>instagwam</b> <b>boast</b> we had scrolled past. in that split second our silly, everyday, seemingly normal, yet very unusual language communicated one of the LOUDEST revelations I have had in quite some time.... WHAT IS MY INSTAGRAM BOASTING?! in this case I don't just mean post, like an actual BOAST. what is my secret language on social media?! am I communicating encouragement or garbage? am I subconsciously fueling my self worth with a little graphic heart?! am I doing enough, to compete with professional cameras & air-brushed women?! what do my posts say about me? what are my POSTS BOASTING? does the time spent hyper scrolling even bring any sort of lasting value to my short time on earth?! why do I NEED a certain filter? why is coming up with a caption the hardest part?! my head was literally oozing with my over-analytical thoughts. in that second, I made a rash decision to delete the IG/FB apps from my phone for lent & to carefully continue to monitor my posting & time spent scrolling. </div>
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<i><b>Instagram</b> is a mobile photo-sharing application and service that allows users to share pictures and videos either publicly or privately on the service, as well as through a variety of other social networking platforms, such as Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, and Flickr.</i></blockquote>
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<i><b>boast</b> (verb) talk with excessive pride and self-satisfaction about one's achievements, possessions, or abilities. (noun) </i><i>an act of talking with excessive pride and self-satisfaction.</i></blockquote>
please don't get me wrong. social media is an excellent tool to promote GOOD in this world, social media can give advice on how to live a healthy life-style, it can keep us up to date with friends around the globe, social media can encourage strangers, it shares cute stories & informs us of things happening around the world. unfortunately <span style="font-size: large;">while social media continues to make the world feel very small, it's continuing to make me feel even smaller. </span>SO I am writing a blog series about my experience as a recovering IGQ (instagram queen). join me as I try to write about what I've been learning, by experiencing life outside a square filtered catch phrase.<br />
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<b>* series disclaimer: </b>this is clearly just my personal convictions & struggles with social media (mainly Instagram)... that's why I've taken to my own online diary. I am certainly not condemning social media. I LOVE social media. my psyche just needs a break from hyper scrolling. so post on.!</div>
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Courtney http://www.blogger.com/profile/15406149922846236513noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7408918033351311207.post-46644334575903704002016-10-07T17:38:00.000-05:002016-10-07T17:41:53.684-05:00defining the refined<span style="font-size: large;"><b>the past isn't supposed to define you,<br />it's supposed to <i>refine </i>you. </b></span><br />
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maybe it's just me, but it seems that my past mishaps are generally messy, complicated, twisted and maybe full of unexpected/unwanted situations? mistakes made and lessons that were humbly learned. [ NOTE: on the other hand my past is ALSO filled with a lot of good things too - travel, opportunities, adventure and people that have all formed/shaped me to who I am today]. I seem to (unfortunately) naturally fall into a toxic trap of thinking that my "negative" past is the only thing that actually really defines me, today I am learning to let it REFINE me.<br />
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Jesus freely gives me the opportunity to be daily refined, not defined. when I allow myself to believe I'm defined by my past, it physically feels like a dark cloud is constantly looming above my head. my head is filled with a constant whisper of the past. my messy brain re-calculates my every past move and I sit there consumed with how I would have or could have done things differently - if I would have gone there or could have met them sooner!?<br />
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it's funny and sad how difficult it is to remember that I'm not labeled by what was. I want to believe that the best is ahead and that I am fully capable of living/walking out in the freedom of not being defined by past choices. the Message says what we see today is gone tomorrow. Jesus knows our past and literally only sees our future. HELLO my past isn't going to dictate my relationships, my dreams or how I view myself. </div>
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when I was filled with doubt, now I can be assured. where I was confused I can now see clearly. when I was at my best, I can still be expectant. when I was anxious I can now be content. God please continue to refine me so I'm no longer being defined by my past (or really the future at that). at the end of the day I just want to be refined/molded/shaped into the best woman I can be. I want to love harder, smile more, show grace, laugh louder and know Jesus more than I did ten minutes ago. </div>
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2 Corinthians 4:16-18 MSG | So we’re not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, <b>where God is making new life</b>, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There’s far more here than meets the eye. The <b>things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow</b>. But the things we can’t see now will last forever.</div>
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Courtney http://www.blogger.com/profile/15406149922846236513noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7408918033351311207.post-6519433173058160132016-01-06T12:13:00.000-06:002016-01-06T12:16:08.710-06:00gratitude attitude<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); color: #454545; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">HELLO why/how is it already 2016. I can't say I enjoy getting older or the fact that ten years ago I was in high school ....!? it scares me to think how fast 10 whole years can fly by. I'm not a fan of change, growing up or adulthood for that matter. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); color: #454545; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">in my short 26 years of life experience, anxiety has always [almost naturally] accompanied even the most basic life change. this past year especially, seemed to hold the most change, probably the most I've experienced so far as an adult. [ekkk... why me God?!] some changes were good, some were hard, some were uncomfortable, some changes were REALLY great and some were out of my control. things like my work load, relationships, responsibilities, family, finances & city all changed last year. every month & season seemed to offer a "fun" change, accompanied by anxiety. thoughts constantly festering in my little jumbled brain, over analyzing situations and worrying about what the next day would look like. my nervous-nelly tendencies certainly felt their glory in 2015! but thankfully satan didn't have a chance to win.</span><br />
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<a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-8dHmpwYGUVI/Voyg3gyhhGI/AAAAAAAAFEc/fLxGGgNk0O4/s640/blogger-image--481980465.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-8dHmpwYGUVI/Voyg3gyhhGI/AAAAAAAAFEc/fLxGGgNk0O4/s320/blogger-image--481980465.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br />with each change & anxiety, came a mental thankful list. lists, on lists, on lists, on lists (you get the point).... countless lists of a zillion other things I was thankful for, amongst the said change. the more I recognized what I was thankful for, the less I worried about the actual change taking place. it's like God was distracting me, funny how that works?! thanks God. it seems to only take about ten seconds, to thank God for the little things & I quickly start to notice my worries erase?! </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">it's a little too early in 2016 to predict any sudden changes... then again who even knows what tomorrow will look like?! either way I PRAY that I can maintain an <b>attitude of gratitude</b> in 2016... I want it to become second nature. I want to be so thankful that there is not even enough time to worry or be anxious. it seems like an audacious pray ....but I serve a bold & strong God, so I'm confident this is achievable!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">• step 1 to saying YES to life in 2016... having an attitude of gratitude.!! </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br />PHILIPPIANS 4:6-7<br />Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray [<i>write a thankful list</i>]. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and <b>settle you down</b>. <u>It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.</u></span></div>
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Courtney http://www.blogger.com/profile/15406149922846236513noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7408918033351311207.post-42927620103137026212015-11-10T22:29:00.002-06:002015-11-10T23:23:48.515-06:00ten years old.<b>2016 </b>is quickly approaching.<br />
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TEN YEARS ago I started blogging as a slightly emo, naive, free-spirited, eager-for-life-to-start teenager. today I am 26 years old, some how an entire decade has now passed... and I am still a slightly emo, naive, free-spirited and even more eager-for-life-to-start twenty something. what a conundrum?!<br />
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<span style="background-color: white; text-align: -webkit-center;"><span style="color: #484848; font-family: "georgia" , "utopia" , "palatino linotype" , "palatino" , serif; font-size: medium;"><b>7</b>.<b>26</b>.<b>2006</b></span><span style="color: #484848; font-family: "georgia" , "utopia" , "palatino linotype" , "palatino" , serif; font-size: medium; font-style: italic;"> | </span><span style="color: #484848; font-family: "georgia" , "utopia" , "palatino linotype" , "palatino" , serif; font-size: medium; font-style: italic;">"at camp this summer, Ken Rudolph was speaking on passions & dreams. He said something around the lines of, </span><span style="color: #484848; font-family: "georgia" , "utopia" , "palatino linotype" , "palatino" , serif; font-size: medium;">you'll know when your dreams & passions are the ones God has for you, because you'll be completely satisfied. <i>I'm pretty sure I'm starting to figure out my real dreams & passions.</i> <u><b>Its not about what I want, its what God has for me!</b>"</u></span></span></blockquote>
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TEN YEARS later life has a lot weirder & slightly confusing responsibilities. more natural growing pains. a lot more uncomfortable life twists. harder conversations. added gray hair. meaningful friendships. seemingly hasher revelations. more love & appreciation for my family. messier cries. added freedom. huge accomplishments. different pressures. surprisingly caring less & less of what others think of me. bigger perspective. fulfilled dreams. failures. different view of the world. surprises. risks. tension. lots of laughter. wonder.<br />
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<b>tonight I reluctantly read back through old posts. thank you JESUS for keeping me close all these years. I love knowing why people are the way they are. what made them do what they did or say what they said. it's funny to look back on ten years of what I said and what I've done. this entire time God somehow has carefully crafted my path along the way. this blog quickly reminds me of countless lessons learned, tears cried and heart bruises that are still healing. </b></div>
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+ <u>this just in</u>, my goal this new year is to actually start blogging again! I miss writing (aka typing) out weird things that are in my head or resting in my heart. God has a funny way of reminding me of who He is & who I am to Him when I type/write. <b>here is to the next ten years. </b></div>
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<b>NOTE</b>: in <b>2006 THE OCEAN </b>by <b>MAE was </b><i>my</i><b> song</b></div>
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Courtney http://www.blogger.com/profile/15406149922846236513noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7408918033351311207.post-31908705293629945192013-08-19T15:33:00.006-05:002013-08-19T16:22:30.949-05:0012 vs. 24<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-IVjb3m_UrnU/UhKDnx_UogI/AAAAAAAAC8w/2J3ZjOAViQw/s1600/299043_10150285672532124_436787723_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="442" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-IVjb3m_UrnU/UhKDnx_UogI/AAAAAAAAC8w/2J3ZjOAViQw/s640/299043_10150285672532124_436787723_n.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
FIVE tiny <span style="font-size: large;">lies my </span>TWELVE<span style="font-size: large;"> year old self said about turning </span>TWENTY-FOUR<span style="font-size: large;">:</span></div>
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1. I grew up with blond hair...so naturally, in my mind I still had blond hair as a 24 year old...no one told me gray hair started coming as early as twenty!? Or that my once natural blond hair color would turn into a mousy ashy brown!? AND high lights cost too much & take too much time.</div>
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2. In the natural progression of the [Christian] American Dream, you're [supposed to be] swept off your feet by some hot guy with a chiseled jawline, is about 2-4 years older than you & who obviously loves Jesus...hopefully at church camp, maybe youth group or the Christian college you [are supposed to] end up at. Unfortunately, there were no marriage worthy "hot" guys in my youth group growing up, the summer I worked at church camp I was too shy/timid/self-conscious to talk to boys & by the time I ended up at a Christian college last year...I was seemingly too old or maybe missed him?!</div>
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3. My mom had three babies by 24...of course, in my 12 year old mind I would have at least one or two kids by the time I was 24. Now here I am at 24 and I haven't even kissed a boy yet?! You do the math. And I can honestly say that at this point in my life I don't even want kids (right now)...<i>but women are </i><span style="font-size: x-small;">SUPPOSED</span><i> to want lots of babies though... </i>riiiiight?! I absolutely <span style="font-size: x-small;">LOVE</span> other people's children.... </div>
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4. I have<span style="font-size: x-small;"> LOVED</span> Nashville, Tennessee...my entire life...I was pretty certain I would be living in a cute bungalow, on a beautiful oak tree lined street, in the historical Franklin, TN at the age of 24...for now an old rental that leaks occasionally, with room mates, in cold/hot/cool/warm/cold/bitter cold Michigan will have to do...</div>
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{side-note-extra} It still cracks me up how we view ourselves at an older age!? Because I was pretty sure when I was 12...that my 24 year old self was supposed to be a lot more fit than I actually am now...!? <span style="font-size: x-small;">HELLO</span>. Working out takes more discipline than Barbie let on...Jesus help me.<br />
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5. In natural conjunction with loving Nashville, growing up I of course loved CCM! Yep. I said it. I loved going to concerts, festivals & the dream of being a band-wife who wears cool clothes, while selling merch. With that being said, I always wanted to have a job working <span style="font-size: x-small;">IN</span> the Christian music industry. In my 12 year old mind, at 24 I would be working for some cool music company or at least in the industry working with bands and artists. Now I'm a full-time admin & part-time photographer by trade. "Work" is definetly not as exciting as I painted in my mind...</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">All of that to say... </span>God has managed to fashion way cooler plans / adventures / twists / turns / travels / paths / friends for my life, than any 12 year could imagine up... thankful for that today!</div>
Courtney http://www.blogger.com/profile/15406149922846236513noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7408918033351311207.post-38149212199279558832013-04-14T11:13:00.003-05:002013-04-14T11:24:38.289-05:00here I come!<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">here I come Michigan. I'm moving back [what?!],</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">after a semester in Chicago, I'm coming back... for good!</span></div>
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ahh! life is funny sometimes, right!?</div>
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since arriving in Chicago, I've had a difficult time adjusting. I've been restless, confused, annoyed, unhappy and discouraged. I thought the home-sickness would go away. I thought things would get better. I thought since <i>I was supposed </i>to be here, it didn't matter whether or not I was happy. I thought a <i>free</i> education would be easier to pay for. I thought a lot of things and then realized all of my thoughts were wrong. and the longer I was here the more I couldn't see myself being here for four more years. which of course gave me a mind set of failure and disappointment. I <i>must</i> have failed and gotten it all wrong... if after a long process of getting here, I am having second guesses!!</div>
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I started praying out of confusion and frustration... assuming my second guessing was just my emotions talking. I began to ask/beg God to heal my restless heart, to take away my fears, to fill me with hope, give me new perspective -- because I could not become a failure or quitter. I didn't want to entertain the idea of coming home for good. so I kept pushing the idea away. but the more I prayed the more I had peace and understanding about coming home. I realized [again] I wasn't in control and that in the end, God's plans are better than the ones I try to map out and aimlessly travel on ............ <u>bottom line: </u>over the last few months God has taught me a lot about myself / others / relying on Him / stepping out. I've met some amazing people, explored a new city, checked things off my bucket list, tried something new, followed God where He led me, learned a lot of patience and was of course reminded that I still don't like to do homework. I also realized instead of just <i>being/existing</i> in school, I could actually continue to LIVE life at the same time I am studying AND save money! crazy right?! why didn't I think of this two years ago?!<br />
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so here I go, I'm starting another adventure! in Michigan this time [or wherever God takes me next]! AND I have a lot of peace about it, but again totally not what I was expecting at all!! I'm excited and super open to whatever God has next for me. I am stoked to have the chance to be home, while still getting equipped with an education. I am also VERY thankful for everyone that believed in me and supported me with love, encouragement and prayer[s] as I made this initial move. I was not in Chicago for a season by mistake.... God revealed things to me that I couldn't have grasped stuck at home. I am also still a firm believer in the fact that God's timing is in deed perfect :) I no longer see this as giving up or as a failed plan, rather as giving in... to whatever God wants for my life.... and being content with whatever <i>it</i> may be. thank you JESUS for not seeing me as a failure, instead choosing to use me in any situation I'm thrown in. life is so unplanned & not what I expected .... but a twist in a plot always makes for a better story!<br />
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<br />Courtney http://www.blogger.com/profile/15406149922846236513noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7408918033351311207.post-8293894094906449272013-04-08T20:14:00.001-05:002013-04-08T20:31:52.538-05:00lets leap [again]hi blog. remember me!? me neither. who am I!?! I use to be so faithful once upon a time.<br />
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during this seemingly silent blog season, there has been many, many, many, many, many, many [getting the point?] growing pains, lots of blind faith, determination, confusion, pain, sin struggle, learning, anxiety, crying, darkness, weakness, adjusting, not really living life... oh wait I was feeling this way a year ago too, but for different reasons?! what's happening God, this wasn't supposed to happen!!<br />
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all that to say. God is up to something [again] and I am just going to stop setting unrealistic exceptions on things I want out of life, because this far -- NONE of my expectations on life have come to fruition or seem to ever measure up in my messy thought life.<br />
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things I'm sure of; I find myself in yet another season of neeeeeding to get the heck out of the boat of fear, that is holding me back from actually LIVING my life and walk on the water again -- more blind faith & trust than before. and it's time to accept the fact that no matter how uncomfortable it may be, unexpected twists in a plot will ALWAYS make for a more exciting story.<b> here's the pen back God, I'm done trying to write my life out.</b><br />
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lets leap [again]<br />
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<br />Courtney http://www.blogger.com/profile/15406149922846236513noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7408918033351311207.post-63130381130722725992013-03-02T02:41:00.001-06:002013-03-02T02:43:00.231-06:00JOB 23 // the message<br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="text Job-23-10-Job-23-12" id="en-MSG-5868" style="position: relative;">“But he knows where I am and what I’ve done.</span><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="line-height: 0;"> </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Job-23-10-Job-23-12" style="position: relative;">He can cross-examine me all he wants, and I’ll pass the test</span></span><span class="indent-2"><span class="indent-2-breaks"> </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="indent-2"><span class="text Job-23-10-Job-23-12" style="position: relative;">with honors.</span></span><span class="text Job-23-10-Job-23-12" style="position: relative;">I’ve followed him closely, my feet in his footprints,</span><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="line-height: 0;"> </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Job-23-10-Job-23-12" style="position: relative;">not once swerving from his way.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="text Job-23-10-Job-23-12" style="position: relative;">I’ve obeyed every word he’s spoken,</span><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="line-height: 0;"> </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Job-23-10-Job-23-12" style="position: relative;">and not just obeyed his advice—I’ve <i>treasured</i> it.</span></span><span class="text Job-23-13-Job-23-17" id="en-MSG-5869" style="position: relative;"><sup class="versenum" style="display: block; font-weight: bold; left: -4.8em; position: absolute; vertical-align: top;"> </sup></span><span class="text Job-23-13-Job-23-17" id="en-MSG-5869" style="position: relative;"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="text Job-23-13-Job-23-17" id="en-MSG-5869" style="position: relative;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="text Job-23-13-Job-23-17" style="position: relative;"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="text Job-23-13-Job-23-17" id="en-MSG-5869" style="position: relative;">“But he is singular and sovereign. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="text Job-23-13-Job-23-17" style="position: relative;">Who can argue with him?</span><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="line-height: 0;"> </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Job-23-13-Job-23-17" style="position: relative;">He does what he wants, when he wants to.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="text Job-23-13-Job-23-17" style="position: relative;">He’ll complete in detail what he’s decided about me,</span><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="line-height: 0;"> </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Job-23-13-Job-23-17" style="position: relative;">and whatever else he determines to do.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="text Job-23-13-Job-23-17" style="position: relative;">Is it any wonder that I dread meeting him?</span><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="line-height: 0;"> </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Job-23-13-Job-23-17" style="position: relative;">Whenever I think about it, </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Job-23-13-Job-23-17" style="position: relative;">I get scared all over again.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="text Job-23-13-Job-23-17" style="position: relative;">God makes my heart sink!</span><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="line-height: 0;"> </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Job-23-13-Job-23-17" style="position: relative;">God Almighty gives me the shudders!</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="text Job-23-13-Job-23-17" style="position: relative;">I’m completely in the dark,</span><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="line-height: 0;"> </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Job-23-13-Job-23-17" style="position: relative;">I can’t see my hand in front of my face.”</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;">my life.</span></div>
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Courtney http://www.blogger.com/profile/15406149922846236513noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7408918033351311207.post-65823833801716353742013-02-19T18:28:00.002-06:002013-02-19T18:28:27.678-06:00<br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You called me out upon the waters</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">the great unknown, my feet may fail</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">and there I find You in the mystery</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">in oceans deep my faith will stand</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">and I will call upon Your name</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">and keep my eyes above the waves</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">when oceans rise</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">my soul will rest in Your embrace</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">for I am Yours and You are mine</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">-</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">let me walk upon the waters</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">where ever You would call me</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">take me deeper than my feet could ever wander</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">and my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior</span></span></div>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-4xDauJ04n0o/USQYfcR1xWI/AAAAAAAAC30/ZwyO6BfESm4/s1600/IMG_3916.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="478" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-4xDauJ04n0o/USQYfcR1xWI/AAAAAAAAC30/ZwyO6BfESm4/s640/IMG_3916.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
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Courtney http://www.blogger.com/profile/15406149922846236513noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7408918033351311207.post-25017737978267164792013-01-20T22:31:00.000-06:002013-01-20T23:21:08.678-06:00tendons - bellarive<div class="tr_bq">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">I LOVE music. I LOVE lyrics. I LOVE music + lyrics. I can't sing, I can't play any instruments ... but there is just something about music that literally changes the way I feel! maybe music a/effects everyone that way... but if not, I think this song will change your emotions/how you feel if you read & listen at the same time. . . .</span></div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-o5J35x--oRg/UPzEUyjBkxI/AAAAAAAAC2c/CgXRwohtnNw/s1600/IMG_6538.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-o5J35x--oRg/UPzEUyjBkxI/AAAAAAAAC2c/CgXRwohtnNw/s640/IMG_6538.jpeg" width="478" /></a></div>
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<blockquote>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial;"><span style="font-size: 12px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial;">
</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white;">Barely beating now</span></div>
</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">My heart is overcome</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">I fear there's nothing left for You</span></div>
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<br style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;" /></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">Can You hear my heart from there</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">It seems the distance is </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">What I chose to bear</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;" /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">So rip these tendons, they hinder my reach towards You</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">Rip these tendons, they hinder my reach towards You</span></div>
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<br style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;" /></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">Would You meet me here</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">Where I rest my bones</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">Where I lay my head down</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;" /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">This place is my escape</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">Oh God, I need You to initiate</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;" /></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">Light up the sky</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">Set our hearts on fire</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">Light up the sky</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">Let us see our Creator</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;" /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">If the Titanic was made to sink</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">Then so was my heart</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">For I made sure it was impenetrable</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">Oh, what a wretched man I am</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">Who will save me from this flesh</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">Paul whispers in my ear,</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">“Oh, don’t worry my friend …</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">You’re in good company”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">Poets before me have tried</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">to measure this love</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">And if 40,000 brothers cannot</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">with all of their quantity of love</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">make up this sum</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">Then how can my heart contain this mass</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">It would only burst at the seams into</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">a million tender pieces</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">So what then</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">What good is a broken heart to You</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">Could you even hear my heart from there</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">And like a father assuring his son</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">to come home</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">“Oh my son, it’s enough, it’s enough”</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">So who am I to accept this grace</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">that just falls like rain</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">‘Cause we all know I chose to lay</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">my head in this desert</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">But like a fish out of water</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">We only know then what it means</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">to be parched</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">So if Christ is alive, the love,</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">and the groom</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">Then take heed my friends</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">For chivalry is not dead</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">For I know no other lover who would</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">have met me here in this place</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">So I awake and I rise from my bed</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">of complacency</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">Oh, my God I’ve been sleeping</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">with a corpse</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">Oh, and these bed sores they still</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">rest in my bones</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">Oh, how I’ve made a beautiful dance</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">with this cadaver but my audience</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">is appalled</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">Oh, how strong these tendons</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">How they desperately need to rip</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">from this ancient Adam</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">So light up the sky and</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">Set me a flame</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">Burn this bone and tissue</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">For I no longer want to be</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">entangled in this sinew</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px;">That hinders my reach towards You</span></div>
</blockquote>
Courtney http://www.blogger.com/profile/15406149922846236513noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7408918033351311207.post-90012358664591805592012-12-23T20:11:00.001-06:002013-01-19T22:35:40.628-06:00<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #313131; font-family: minion-pro, Georgia, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 27px;"></span>
I've heard the Christmas story a time or two. I know it's all about how humbly the Creator of the universe came to earth, as a tiny baby human. I love babies & the miracle of pregnancy & that women can literally bring life into the world... but I can't say I've ever really thought about Mary actually carrying Jesus for nine months, feeling pain and Jesus being THAT much of a human!? Jesus was a baby human being... so human & yet so perfectly God?!<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">--</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">"God became a man.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> While the creatures of earth walked unaware, </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: medium;">D i v i n i t y arrived. <u>Heaven opened herself and placed her most precious one in a <i>human womb</i>.</u></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 18px;">The Omnipotent, in one instant, made himself <u>breakable</u>. He who had been spirit became <u>pierceable</u>. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">He who was larger than the universe became an embryo</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">. <i>And he who sustains the world with a word chose to be dependent upon the nourishment of a young girl</i>.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: medium;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #313131; font-size: 18px; line-height: 27px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">God was given eyebrows, elbows, two kidneys, and a spleen. He stretched against the walls and floated in the amniotic fluids of his mother.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #313131; line-height: 27px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 18px;">God as a fetus. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Holiness sleeping in a womb</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">The creator of life being created</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">.</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #313131; line-height: 27px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #313131; line-height: 27px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">God had come near.</span></b></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #313131; line-height: 27px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #313131; line-height: 27px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">He came, <u>not as a flash of light or as an unapproachable conqueror</u>, but as one whose first cries were heard by a peasant girl and a sleepy carpenter. The hands that first held him were unmanicured, calloused, and dirty.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #313131; line-height: 27px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #313131; line-height: 27px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 18px;">No silk. No ivory. No hype. No party. No hoopla.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">"</span></span><br />
</span><br />
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Courtney http://www.blogger.com/profile/15406149922846236513noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7408918033351311207.post-46592521411158960042012-12-12T20:37:00.000-06:002012-12-12T20:37:02.877-06:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-kNW1ld-zdoY/UMk_CqTIv0I/AAAAAAAACw4/TQQp6ZELuuc/s1600/Screen+Shot+2012-12-12+at+9.35.18+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="636" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-kNW1ld-zdoY/UMk_CqTIv0I/AAAAAAAACw4/TQQp6ZELuuc/s640/Screen+Shot+2012-12-12+at+9.35.18+PM.png" width="640" /></a></div>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">"life is hard, but even the harshness of life points toward PURPOSE. if you're willing, you can probably trace your passion all the way to the deepest point of your pain. for many of us, God uses painful experiences to BIRTH our life passions." // beth moore </span></span>Courtney http://www.blogger.com/profile/15406149922846236513noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7408918033351311207.post-36056945979206911902012-10-29T14:45:00.003-05:002012-10-29T14:46:24.896-05:00sun stand still <div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;"><b>sun stand still</b> : He'll work out ALL the details, we just have to walk in whatever He called us to : He's calling us to something bigger than we can handle : He knows we can't do it on our own : if He called you to it, He will do it : what we believe of Him, affects what we ask of Him</span></div>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;"><br /></span>
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Courtney http://www.blogger.com/profile/15406149922846236513noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7408918033351311207.post-89037013776257376362012-10-24T20:20:00.001-05:002012-10-27T22:02:13.495-05:00needed.<div style="text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" frameborder="0" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/cVVlMQved8k" width="640"></iframe><br />
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the lyrics of this song are so intimate/personal. as I've been listening to this song this week, I can't stop pondering on the fact that I am allowed to be in a intimate/personal/close relationship with the Creator of the stars?! ::: sigh ::: take a second and let that really sink in...yeah...I can't handle it. makes me so thankful for the cross/sacrifice!<br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: LucidaGrande; font-size: 12px;">You have been</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: LucidaGrande; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: LucidaGrande; font-size: 12px;">And You will be</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: LucidaGrande; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: LucidaGrande; font-size: 12px;">You have seen</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: LucidaGrande; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: LucidaGrande; font-size: 12px;">And You will see</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: LucidaGrande; font-size: 12px;" /><br style="background-color: white; font-family: LucidaGrande; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: LucidaGrande; font-size: 12px;">You know when I rise and when I fall</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: LucidaGrande; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: LucidaGrande; font-size: 12px;">When I come or go, You see it all</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: LucidaGrande; font-size: 12px;" /><b><span style="background-color: white; font-family: LucidaGrande; font-size: 12px;">You hung the stars and You move the sea,</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: LucidaGrande; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: LucidaGrande; font-size: 12px;">And still You know me</span></b><br style="background-color: white; font-family: LucidaGrande; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: LucidaGrande; font-size: 12px;"><br /></span><br />
<b><span style="background-color: white; font-family: LucidaGrande; font-size: 12px;">You know me</span></b><br style="background-color: white; font-family: LucidaGrande; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: LucidaGrande; font-size: 12px;">And nothing is hidden from Your sight</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: LucidaGrande; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: LucidaGrande; font-size: 12px;">Wherever I go, You find me</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: LucidaGrande; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: LucidaGrande; font-size: 12px;">And You know every detail of my life</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: LucidaGrande; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: LucidaGrande; font-size: 12px;">And You are God and You don't miss a thing</span><br /><br style="background-color: white; font-family: LucidaGrande; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="font-family: LucidaGrande;"><span style="font-size: 12px;">You know me</span></span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: LucidaGrande; font-size: 12px;" /><br style="background-color: white; font-family: LucidaGrande; font-size: 12px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: LucidaGrande; font-size: 12px;"><b>You memorize me</b></span></div>
Courtney http://www.blogger.com/profile/15406149922846236513noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7408918033351311207.post-49009319329095886852012-09-24T22:46:00.000-05:002012-09-25T07:22:47.613-05:00fun times!<span style="font-size: x-large;">hey blog! it's been a while... </span><span style="font-size: large;">I guess</span><span style="font-size: x-large;"> </span><span style="font-size: large;">nothing has changed, I still just type up random thoughts that pop into my head & chances are it probably doesn't make sense to outside readers -- but I promise somehow all these thoughts God made clear or connected dots in my jumbled crazy mind....</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
Like lately... God is showing me that He has a sense of humor, in that my current ending-of-a-season is literally exactly like it was two years ago!!? therefore I should be a pro at this kind of thing right....?! mmm... how about no.<br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">--</span><br />
September 2010...<br />
I <i>was </i>planning to relocate to Australia January 20<b>11. </b>worrying about finances, getting ready to make a huge move, starting to see an end to a season, expectant for new/exciting things to come, anxious about change, having to constantly psych myself out to actually follow through with the plans God was leading on, working a lot, worrying some more about finances, procrastinating with the bigger details, not sleeping much because anxiety keeps people awake, and literally crying a lot to God asking if THIS is REALLY what He wants me to do... because what I thought I wanted and (then) had right in front of me seemed a lot harder/scarier/bigger & not-so-fun as I imagined.<br />
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September 2012...<br />
I <i>am</i> planning to relocate to Chicago January 20<b>13;</b> now all I do is worry about finances, try to make myself ready for a move, I'm starting to see the end of a really good season and it makes me sad/nervous, I'm expectant of new/exciting things, I'm constantly anxious about the change, I am finding I have to psych myself up to actually follow through & take the steps needed to see this change happen, I'm working A LOT, add some more worry about finances, starting to notice I'm once again procrastinating with some of the bigger details, lately I haven't been sleeping much because anxieties flood my mind when I'm left alone with my thoughts, I find I'm crying a lot more to God in doubt -- wondering if this is <i>actually </i>what He wants me to do next; because even though it's something I've WANTED & WAITED for... everything about it seems too difficult, scary and not very fun....as I was hoping it to be....<br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">--</span><br />
obviously God knows how I'm wired. He knows how I deal with stress. He knows how I am with money. He knows that I feel anxious and He sees that I'm not having fun right now, <i>but </i>He also knows that I'm<i> not </i>completely reliant on HIM when times are fun & care free!!<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">All of that to say... </span><b style="font-size: x-large;">huge shout out to the Creator of the world</b><span style="font-size: large;"> for being patient with me, for wanting to use me in a very specific way and choosing to take me on crazy [& sometimes scary] adventure[s] with Him... even though I have a messy/broken past!! </span><br />
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He knew in 2010 what my 2012 would look like, so I could be [somewhat] prepared to handle all the crazy/scary changes that are coming...even though it's scary/difficult, it's kind of an adrenaline rush to think about the things God has planned for me...I know what my 2010/2011 looked like, so I cannot imagine what else He has in store for me next!!<br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span class="text 2Cor-12-7" id="en-NIV-29030" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">"Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh,<sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29030B" title="See cross-reference B">B</a>)"></sup> a messenger of Satan,<sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29030C" title="See cross-reference C">C</a>)"></sup> to torment me.</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="text 2Cor-12-8" id="en-NIV-29031" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><sup class="versenum" style="font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;">8 </sup>Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.<sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29031D" title="See cross-reference D">D</a>)"></sup></span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="text 2Cor-12-9" id="en-NIV-29032" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><sup class="versenum" style="font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;">9 </sup>But he said to me, <span class="woj">“<span style="color: red;">My grace<sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29032E" title="See cross-reference E">E</a>)"></sup> is sufficient for you, for my power<sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29032F" title="See cross-reference F">F</a>)"></sup> is made perfect in weakness.</span><sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29032G" title="See cross-reference G">G</a>)"></sup>”<sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29032H" title="See cross-reference H">H</a>)"></sup></span> Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="text 2Cor-12-10" id="en-NIV-29033" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><sup class="versenum" style="font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;">10 </sup>That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight<span style="font-size: 0.65em;"><sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29033I" title="See cross-reference I">I</a>)"></sup></span> in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships,<span style="font-size: 0.65em;"><sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29033J" title="See cross-reference J">J</a>)"></sup></span> in persecutions,<span style="font-size: 0.65em;"><sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29033K" title="See cross-reference K">K</a>)"></sup></span> in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."</span></span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span class="text 2Cor-12-10" id="en-NIV-29033" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">2 corinthians 12:7-10</span></span> </blockquote>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-wRLsUettLOY/Thsir2qazKI/AAAAAAAABnA/d3CZcF-k4CQ/s1600/DSC_0180edtis.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="427" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-wRLsUettLOY/Thsir2qazKI/AAAAAAAABnA/d3CZcF-k4CQ/s640/DSC_0180edtis.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I took this picture on a Thai beach... thinking... <i>is this </i>REALLY <i>my life?!</i><br />
I'm finding that following God's plan for my life tends to have that reaction.</td></tr>
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Courtney http://www.blogger.com/profile/15406149922846236513noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7408918033351311207.post-73373691278857182202012-07-18T16:36:00.002-05:002012-07-18T16:37:25.762-05:00hiatus<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">gotta take a blog hiatus! not sure when I'll be back... but right now, I don't have time to collect my thoughts & throw them on here. it makes me sad! but time away is a good thing!</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjx7S-gFJOzNxSavKn6C6uCmkXG1FgsmFqyOs42KAl0r2r5vRQqLCC_LAN6G2YFUwfdBmey__l0MCzK5G2I8ascf5VwYr0KcNQLajCRkxlD5pYhIyuzTUFZNbC7nEzd-71qtUY0Z97BEa6E/s1600/cover1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjx7S-gFJOzNxSavKn6C6uCmkXG1FgsmFqyOs42KAl0r2r5vRQqLCC_LAN6G2YFUwfdBmey__l0MCzK5G2I8ascf5VwYr0KcNQLajCRkxlD5pYhIyuzTUFZNbC7nEzd-71qtUY0Z97BEa6E/s400/cover1.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>Courtney http://www.blogger.com/profile/15406149922846236513noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7408918033351311207.post-53078748281447428492012-07-07T11:21:00.000-05:002012-07-07T11:34:40.803-05:00love love<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I<i> love </i><b>love</b>, weddings and marriage! last weekend my lovely friend Jenna got hitched. it was a cute outdoor wedding on a beautiful farm property, then the reception was in a pinterest-ed-out barn. the cherry on top was that I got to see some of my Australian family! it was such a blessing to see some lovely long-lost faces.</span><br />
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<br />Courtney http://www.blogger.com/profile/15406149922846236513noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7408918033351311207.post-20443512977674365652012-06-29T14:46:00.000-05:002012-06-29T14:48:50.594-05:00guest post: Bangkok to Detroit, same same but different<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">My friend Lindsey recently got home from an <i>anti-human trafficking trip</i></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> in Thailand. I LOVED how she worded this post, so I had to repost her :) leave her some love on her blog!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">*see blog <a href="http://lindseysrestoration.blogspot.com/?m=1" target="_blank">here</a></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><b><u>Bangkok to Detroit, same same but different </u></b></span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">How can two evils be so alike and so different and half a world away from each other?</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m still processing and working my way through Thailand (I recently went on an anti-human trafficking mission trip). The dark, the evil, the sadness, and also the light, the joy, and the purity of the Father’s love. In Bangkok sex is no secret. It is not hidden and prostitution is socially acceptable. Sex sells on a menu and where there is one girl there is many. One of the hardest realizations for me was the daunting feeling these young girls grow up with knowing the expectation for them to bring in money by way of prostitution is heavily set upon them.....some even from birth. Sixty percent of men that fly into the Bangkok airport fly in for sex. To use, abuse, belittle, and degrade young girls.....because they think they ‘can’ or they feel ‘entitled’, whatever their motive is it is wrong. When you walk down the streets of Pat Pong, the 2<sup>nd</sup> largest red light district in the world sex is not hidden. Signs that read ‘Super Pussy’ or ‘Super Girls’ are plastered all over. Every corner is home to 2-3 people asking if you want to go to a ‘ping pong show’ which is a sex show. Every bar leaves open just a large enough crack in the door so you can peer your eyes in and see dozens of teenage girls either half-dressed or naked. Innocent baby girls. Yes, there are brothels hidden in the depths of the city that house continual sex trains off 11 year old girls that most do not know about. Yes, there are hidden sex rooms the higher you travel up in the bars. There are also obvious sexual acts that are so sickening you turn your eye and somehow convince yourself what you see is not real… I’m sure that is how those young baby girls feel too. But for the most part, sex in Bangkok sells itself right in front of your eyes. There is a purpose for these tourists, a plan of action, a pre-determined mind set, and innocent lives fall responsible to fulfill.</span></span> </blockquote>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Almost an entire world away…across oceans and miles away in Detroit, Michigan some of the same evils listed above take place. The difference? In Detroit for the most part it is hidden. You don’t walk down a designated street for young woman or lady boys. You don’t walk down a four block neighborhood and see 4,000 girls/lady boys selling themselves. You don’t walk up and down streets to see young western men (and old ones, too) purchasing sex before your eyes. In Detroit, Michigan, my home, it’s the same but it’s different… sex is hidden. Now if all you’ve ever been exposed to is prostitution within the United States you won’t fully understand this; you may think ‘prostitution is not hidden here’ but when you travel to the worst of the worst, Detroit appears to be a cake walk when compared… but that is not true. Looks are deceiving. Just because we do not have designated streets or sex sold on a menu does not mean that Detroit is any better off than Thailand – but rather the opposite. It’s the hidden that is worse. If 11 year old girls were the same as the 15 year old we met in ‘Super Girls’ bar in Pat Pong they would not be hidden in a brothel… in the same way, if the women in Detroit who are caught up in the Sex trade industry were ‘not in as bad of conditions’ as the others then the evil wouldn’t be hidden. I’ve been all over Detroit at night, 10pm, midnight, 2am, 4am, in the strip clubs, at the bars, strolled over Michigan Avenue and it is nothing like Bangkok. But when you go deeper into the neighborhoods, drive up and down the streets that look like a war zone, peer into the busted windows, boarded up doors, the crack houses……<strong>it is there that you will find Bangkok in Detroit</strong>.</span></span> </blockquote>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-XLXeSmak5Zg/T-4Fdx5QZbI/AAAAAAAACkQ/OxthiqZgkrM/s1600/179547_10150950799453213_2067698289_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-XLXeSmak5Zg/T-4Fdx5QZbI/AAAAAAAACkQ/OxthiqZgkrM/s320/179547_10150950799453213_2067698289_n.jpg" width="212" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">via Connie Rock</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">I went out last night with a local ministry who offer prayer and pass out bagged lunches and hygiene packets to the afflicted in those very streets and neighborhoods of Detroit. I had gone with the team prior to my trip to Thailand and then again after my return home. Night and Day difference. I left Thailand thinking ‘what in the world… my city is nothing like this’ and after last night I came home and thought ‘they are almost the same’. </span><span lang="EN-CA" style="font-size: 12pt;"></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">How can two evils be so alike and so different and half a world away from each other? In Thailand people say ‘same same but different’ that is what I think about Thailand and Detroit – same, same…but different. Here we have to look for the evil, search for the girls… in Thailand it’s all in front of your face. I’m not saying one is better than the other… actually quite the opposite. Both are disgusting and inexcusable. Last night while driving through these broken neighborhoods I thought I was in a war zone. A similar war zone I felt while in Thailand. These girls were afraid for their lives. The same look of desperation, hopelessness, and distress gazed from their eyes. In the last week three girls were found dead in the neighborhood we were in. All left to die in their own pool of blood from their slit throats. One of the girls was only eighteen, her life barely lived. Each girl we came in contact with (which were many) immediately wanted prayer. Similarly each wanted protection.</span></span> </blockquote>
<blockquote>
<br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">This morning the Detroit Free Press released an article stating 70 arrests were made in Metro-Detroit within 3 days in connection to sex trafficking. Five girls and one boy recovered from child prostitution, ages ranging from 13-17. Arrests made in the city I grew up in. Sex trafficking is not just in Bangkok, Thailand or Amsterdam, or any other third world country. Sex trafficking is here. It is in our own backyards. It is everywhere. We must do something besides turn a blind eye to the topic that makes us feel uncomfortable.</span></span> </blockquote>
<blockquote>
<br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Find out what you can do in YOUR community. Find out how YOU can make a difference. And be encouraged… Jesus Christ has OVERCOME this world – and no evil, no prostitution, no pimp, NOTHING CAN OVERCOME HIM! Share His hope, love, joy, and goodness; wherever you are is a good place to start. Pray for your city, your state, your country, and this world. Sex trafficking is the 2<sup>nd</sup> largest crime in the world and each night thousands and thousands and thousands fall victim. Enough is enough. Let’s change our city.</span></span> </blockquote>
<blockquote>
<br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Google search ‘Human Trafficking in the United States’ = 18,700,000 results</span></span> </blockquote>
<blockquote>
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Google search ‘Human Trafficking in Michigan’ = 1,210,000 results</span></span> </blockquote>
<blockquote>
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Google search ‘Human Trafficking in Detroit’ = 897,000 results</span></span> </blockquote>
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<blockquote>
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">And pray for me as I seek the Lord on returning to Bangkok in October.</span></span> </blockquote>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">At His Service,</span></span> </blockquote>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Lindsey</span></span></blockquote>
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</div>Courtney http://www.blogger.com/profile/15406149922846236513noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7408918033351311207.post-82746225651476714742012-06-28T16:02:00.000-05:002012-06-28T16:02:43.600-05:00summer timefirst of all where did JUNE go!? this summer seems to be slipping by way too fast for my liking!<br />
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last week I went on a lovely relaxing vacation with the fam! lots of driving, sand, sun and eating out...typical vacation, right? other summer happenings have involved bon fires, driving with the windows down, warm weather, sun tan lines, eating lunch outside at work, watershed ... summer has been so good so far!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitZnrZykZ3lZkm0MoWfa6OsD0ggNAWkhZ7Rht6iOkT7ZQXYLN6kwJVh72dfkGqxqLRiFvDfScACO8CLcPx1uVqPrWwDP8y4c65xMMv_YeZD0UEELi-OQ8qFURdQHJlS9Qusw_BqR_zS9me/s640/blogger-image--1070901785.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitZnrZykZ3lZkm0MoWfa6OsD0ggNAWkhZ7Rht6iOkT7ZQXYLN6kwJVh72dfkGqxqLRiFvDfScACO8CLcPx1uVqPrWwDP8y4c65xMMv_YeZD0UEELi-OQ8qFURdQHJlS9Qusw_BqR_zS9me/s640/blogger-image--1070901785.jpg" /></a></div>Courtney http://www.blogger.com/profile/15406149922846236513noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7408918033351311207.post-88307174442853084442012-06-15T22:44:00.000-05:002012-06-15T22:45:48.315-05:00Yahwehseriously?! this song gives me chills. that Kari Jobe knows how to lead the Church in powerful worship!
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/8YiBrLrYfb0?rel=0" width="640"></iframe>Courtney http://www.blogger.com/profile/15406149922846236513noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7408918033351311207.post-8067163739558086842012-06-14T08:11:00.001-05:002012-06-14T08:17:38.542-05:00morning glorywhoa! blog world in the AM... haven't seen this side of things in a while! like since my library days! anyways, this morning is a little bit more laid back than the usual rush cause I have to pick up my brother from a half day at school soon... BUT that's is besides the point!<br />
<br />
this AM deserves a post BECAUSE it's only 9 AM and God is already talking to me... not that He doesn't on any given day, but today I REALLY needed to hear from Him!<br />
<br />
1. bright & early a lovely friend of mine -- creative, hard working and very servant minded -- who does A LOT for the ministry I work for, sent me a really encouraging text. [when hello it should be the other way around, cause she does SO MUCH for us at lighthouse] it's like she knew I needed a pick me up at 7 am! it's also funny how encouragement is contagious... cause now all I want to do is send out encouraging texts the rest of the day!<br />
<br />
2. lately I haven't really had time to actually read through twitter... I usually just post dumb/random things through out the day, but don't get a lot of time to read through others tweets... but I did this morning! and Brian Houston post this tweet and I was like WHOA! he read my mind! [aka God just knows us & our needs]<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">"Every single day of your life is a fresh chance to be an overcomer. Today is no exception!"</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">-said in a thick/strong Aussie accent of course</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: x-large; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: x-large; line-height: 18px;">walk in His encouragement today.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: x-large; line-height: 18px;">no matter what today brings, glory in it!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 18px;">ps this time next week I'll be on the ocean with my family! cannot wait to smell the salty air!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjH_H9ID0ns3RR-BFaDXctqYQ170hsniV_KAqrR20O3MYDiachGvTxBRO9wOtgnJK58Wv0ClmnW889sT448UZCY2LHs_WK2VslJAmeHWhM5EzhW4o1Q1qUkmROidfzS9-8VgiyN7UkJ1Gbo/s1600/untitled.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjH_H9ID0ns3RR-BFaDXctqYQ170hsniV_KAqrR20O3MYDiachGvTxBRO9wOtgnJK58Wv0ClmnW889sT448UZCY2LHs_WK2VslJAmeHWhM5EzhW4o1Q1qUkmROidfzS9-8VgiyN7UkJ1Gbo/s1600/untitled.bmp" /></a></div>Courtney http://www.blogger.com/profile/15406149922846236513noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7408918033351311207.post-3355481610484364152012-06-13T21:57:00.006-05:002012-06-13T22:19:06.451-05:00Selah ::<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-large; line-height: 18px;">two songs that make my nose tingly for more of Him</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 18px;">& cause me to just wait on Him... </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 18px;">1. OVER MY HEAD / STARFIELD;</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> this song describes what has been going on in my mind. my tiny human mind does not understand His ways. how is that HE would choose to use me!? all of HIS grace lavished on me is literally over my head..</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" height="40" id="gsSong3545027528" name="gsSong3545027528" width="250"><param name="movie" value="http://grooveshark.com/songWidget.swf" />
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<span>Over My Head by <a href="http://grooveshark.com/artist/Starfield/49139" title="Starfield">Starfield</a> on Grooveshark</span></object></object></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">Unquenchable songs and endless praise<br />A million tongues poised to sing<br />Could still not convey<br />The worth that Your name deserves<br />Beauty for ashes<br />Joy for pain<br />Mercy instead of my blame<br />Ruins me for more<br />I'm lost in Your presence, Lord<br /><br />Hallelujah...<br /><br />Lost for the words to say<br />I'm left here in disarray<br />Waiting for You, waiting on truth<br />I've thrown reason overboard<br />Knowing that there's still more<br />I don't yet believe, I can't even perceive<br />I can't seem to understand<br />Can't seem to find my way<br />It's over my head, it's over my head<br />Learning this mystery<br />Trust what I cannot see<br />It's over my head, it's over my head<br />The wonder of all You've made<br />Foundations Your hands have laid<br />Bringing me back to my knees, to my knees<br />I'm lost for the words to say<br />Lost for another way<br />Bringing me back to my knees, to my knees<br />I'm lost for the words to say<br />Lost for another way<br />Ruined for anything other than Your love<br />I'm desperate to know You, Lord<br />Desperate for what's in store<br />Finding my hope in only You, in only You<br />Take me beyond this door<br />Lead me to something more<br />Open my heart up for more of You, more of You</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: large; line-height: 18px;">2. MAKE US READY / HARVEST BASHTA; </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">basically my cry and prayer for my life. this is exactly what I want... </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" height="40" id="gsSong3235221530" name="gsSong3235221530" width="250"><param name="movie" value="http://grooveshark.com/songWidget.swf" />
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<span>Make Us Ready by <a href="http://grooveshark.com/artist/Harvest+Bashta/2081802" title="Harvest Bashta">Harvest Bashta</a> on Grooveshark</span></object></object></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">Le<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">t there be oil in my lamp</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; padding-left: 20px; padding-right: 20px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">Let the fire not go out </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; padding-left: 20px; padding-right: 20px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">When I hear the Bridegroom comes</span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"></span><br />
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; padding-left: 20px; padding-right: 20px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">Make us ready</span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">
</span><br />
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; padding-left: 20px; padding-right: 20px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">
</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">So take my lamp set it on a hill</span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">
</span><br />
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; padding-left: 20px; padding-right: 20px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">Set it on a lamp stand </span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; padding-left: 20px; padding-right: 20px;">
I wont be hidden</div>
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I wont be hidden</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; padding-left: 20px; padding-right: 20px;">
So take my lamp set in on a hill</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; padding-left: 20px; padding-right: 20px;">
Set it on a lamp stand </div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; padding-left: 20px; padding-right: 20px;">
I wont be be hidden</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; padding-left: 20px; padding-right: 20px;">
I wont be hidden </div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; padding-left: 20px; padding-right: 20px;">
I’ll be dripping with the oils of love</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; padding-left: 20px; padding-right: 20px;">
I’ll be dripping with the oils of love</div>
</span>Courtney http://www.blogger.com/profile/15406149922846236513noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7408918033351311207.post-38206363046519545402012-06-11T16:00:00.000-05:002012-06-12T08:35:29.363-05:00next moveit finally happened. I have an answer for where/what I'm doing next. I got accepted to Moody Bible Institute...starting in the 2013 Spring semester! God has taken me on quit the journey to get to this point. lots of questioning/ups/downs/cries/toil/encouragement/anxiety... and now looking back I can see why He was doing what He was doing, when/why He was doing it....<br />
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I read Psalm 136 the other night... while I was just praising God without words to express how THANKFUL I am, that after all of this time... I finally feel like I'm out of the wilderness, no more just wandering around aimlessly [for now anyways .... ]<br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times;"><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="text Ps-136-16" id="en-NIV-16213" style="position: relative;">"to him who led his people through the wilderness; His love endures forever!"</span></span></span></blockquote>
God has been so faithful... even in my unbelief and doubt, He remained so faithful. I'm thankful for a God who takes care of us in time of wandering/wilderness.<br />
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I can't wait to see what He does in and through me in Chicago! I hope to be studying for a major in Women's Ministry<i> or </i>Ministry to Victims of Sexual Exploitation. excited for this next chapter or adventures... <i><b>is this really my life?!</b></i> is still a very relevant life statement... a year after being in Australia/Thailand.<br />
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anything I do. anywhere I go. I just want Jesus to spend & send me! all I can do to thank HIM is give Him my life... day after day after day. thank-You, thank-You, thank-You for wanting to use a broken messy life!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrYTtgEiinx5Z7guuAU-Mwcge9HxAEinX7vucDX-7S9jTeDVYU1tW-9aAplQ8YxBR4PB9wDdTAJwGjIiL9hfN6ki5-I2U-TeICeV6ZRIMbTcCuQCAZ5WbQy7415ZRI_RFYuGj-0BIpuvss/s1600/DSC_0126.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="425" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrYTtgEiinx5Z7guuAU-Mwcge9HxAEinX7vucDX-7S9jTeDVYU1tW-9aAplQ8YxBR4PB9wDdTAJwGjIiL9hfN6ki5-I2U-TeICeV6ZRIMbTcCuQCAZ5WbQy7415ZRI_RFYuGj-0BIpuvss/s640/DSC_0126.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>Courtney http://www.blogger.com/profile/15406149922846236513noreply@blogger.com0