finding Hope

this week I started reading the book My Name Is Hope by John Mark Comer. he's a pastor at a church in portland & he has a great/easy-to-read/raw writing style...which is awesome, I'm cruising right through the book--huge strides I've made since high school, says the once I-hate-reading-tough-girl :) anyways, the book is great & he uses SO MUCH SCRIPTURE!! to me that's the best part, lots of "inspirational" books unfortunately don't use too much scripture, it's mainly just the authors opinion...so having lots of passages to reference & soak in is excellent! get this book... it's basically about what he has learned through his personal struggle with depression/anxiety & how he found the Light at the end of the tunnel... through the power of Christ, not just Zoloft.

you certainly don't have to be depressed or anxious to read it either...chances are there are people in your circle of life struggling, so it's just good insight all around. depression/anxiety is unfortunately very common today. it's time to stop letting satan steal our JOY that can only come from the Lord! Hope has come & is patiently waiting to walk us back to the Garden & restore our everlasting joy/peace!

*ps I feel super accomplished whenI do an entire post via my Blogger iphone app :)

mood: mooooody

OKAY. So update, I heard back from MBI ... didn't get accepted, didn't get declined, didn't get offered other options. I was just told to wait.

HONESTLY, GOD!? WAIT?! MORE WAITING?!

Want to hear what is going on in my head right now.... What the HECK. Am I STILL not FULLY grasping the patience thing?! [I consider myself PRETTY patient at this point in my life... 22 years old & still never had a boyfriend, still living at home, still waiting for direction on the next step -- have these things NOT taught me enough patience so far?!] What am I doing wrong?! Why am I not getting a clear answer, when I was expecting it!? What is God trying to teach me?! What could it possibly be, that is making a clear decision for my next phase of life be so difficult?! Why is it taking this long if I have PURE intentions to wanting a Bible degree?! I want to BUILD the Kingdom. If Moody isn't the avenue that's supposed to happen, doesn't it seem like I'm just wasting my time?! Why was I supposed to apply there in the first place?!

What is it?! Speak! Tell me! Just tell me already!?

Hey human nature, it's time to cue all of the doubt, questions, anxiety, stress, depression & anger... guess what it is ALL creeping in right on time. Where is God? Why isn't He answering/showing me where to go?!

I was TRYING to see God in all of this by reminding myself of ALL the times so far in my life that HE has shown up & not in small ways, but HUGE ways. I can say that I have SEEN God the ways that Moses has seen Him. I have experienced His grace in ways that the unclean woman has. I know that I know, that I know He is who He says He is. --- but it's difficult to REALLY believe that in my heart. My mind knows and my heart has known, but is having a hard to remembering His Truth/Ways/Love/Grace.

I'm not sure whether to consider this part, chapter, season a STORM? I'm so confused.

I KNOW that I am here for a HUGE purpose, I am an OVERCOMER since birth and the 12 inch scar down my chest reminds me daily... He has OVERCOME, so I could have a chance to OVERCOME ... that's enough of a reminder to know that I have purpose & a call on my life, but how does He want me to carry our HIS purpose for my life?! He didn't allow me to overcome for nothing!

Now what? Keep waiting?

Move forward with the OTHER options?

Can the MBI idea all together?

God remind me of who You are and who I've seen You as.... I KNOW Your provision/love/care/heart ... remind me ... reveal Yourself to me AGAIN ... get me out of this darkness ... revive me ... restore me ... redeem me

too much me, more of YOU.

-----

in the time of writing this & being annoyed, I've been listening to Shawn McDonald on shuffle... God ALWAYS speaks to me through music lyrics and especially through SHUFFLE... often when I'm needing to hear from Him, a song comes on and basically reminds me of who He is or encourages me...

AND every Shawn Mac song that has played randomly so far, has totally been either what I'm thinking or how I feel... I'm not even kidding and this one just now REALLY struck me, cause this is me!?

How can we know so much

Yet still be so out of touch

And how we miss the point

When its all about, all about Love

/\ I know so much of how God is and how His ways aren't our ways, but I'm still feeling out touch and I'm missing the point that it has NOTHING about me, it's just about Him/Love.!?

----

I actually accidently found this passage this morning while flipping to 1 John ... found it fitting to my current situation ... 2 Peter 1v3-11

---

as I'm doing the last edit on this post, his song Take Hold came ... another good reminder of course.

There is no hope up in your eyes,
as if the blue had left your skies,
The sadness fills you cheeks of stone,
Maybe you believe you are alone.

Your face is shone with quiet despair,
as if this was what you chose to wear,
Your sin you strap upon your chest,
as if there was no longer rest, longer rest.

Take hold, don't give up.
You gotta make the best of what you got,
Give it all you best shot,
Take hold, don't give up.

Your heart seems to have hit the floor,
but I do believe you're meant to soar,
The enemy's wounds, they must go deep,
but I pray the Lord your soul to keep.

There is no taking back those days a gone,
But now it's your chance just to move on.
Make the best of the life you live,
'Cause before Him you soon will give.
You soon will give

end for now.

very moody

this afternoon it dawned on me how long it's been since I've applied to Moody! I started the application in August, turned it in September and still have no idea if I've gotten in. it made me so discouraged and frustrated that it's taken THIS LONG! plus it's SO intimidating to think about what's next in my life... moving to Chicago? staying in Michigan? moving back to Australia? other school options? other job options?

frustrating!


but then God reminded me of some things...

God has a sense of humor... once again using a major life decision to teach me lots & lots of patience. it's also teaching me that God is a lot bigger than the plans I plan for myself. we can only do so much to plan/prepare, the rest is [cliche-ly] placed in His hands.

so I'm trying to find the freedom that can be found in the fact that I have NO idea what my life will look like in six months or in six years. just trying to remind myself that the unknown is FUN / EXCITING / ADVENTUROUS ... all I have to do is sit back & let God lead me to all of my where/what/who/when's of life.

praying for peace / understanding / wisdom today ...
I'll need all of that IF I get into Moody
and IF I don't get into Moody.

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.
- 1 peter 5:6-1

just a glimpse...

you must watch this... it gives me chills, everything about it; what God did that week, what we did as a generation and what is to come! you have to come to Passion conference 2013, if you haven't been... it will change your life, I promise.

commune

lets bother God w/
relentless prayer.
listen to podcast here.

sweet surrender?

God's teaching me A LOT lately that surrendering to Him is a daily thing... more like a minute-by-minute thing! I REALLY need to work on surrendering my plans, my thoughts, my dreams, my life... that's where closeness/oneness with Him comes. Whoever is reading this is probably thinking to themselves... duh! Well hello, way easier said than done & I'm learning to lean into Him. His ways are HIGHER, so why is it so hard to surrender!? It's difficult for a planner/perfectionist to live life with open hands... I know I am capable, I just have to hype myself up for it... like I did all the other times, Jesus I need Your help.

For my [dreams/desires for you]
are not your [dreams/desires],
neither are your [plans/agenda]
my [plans/agenda for you],
declares the Lord.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my [plans/agenda for you]
higher than your [plans/agenda]
and my [dreams/desires for you]
than your [dreams/desires].

Isaiah 55 v 8-9


[slightly] intimidating,
yet comforting nudge.

wait, what?!

Oh hey waiting season! You annoy me so much. You get under my skin, because I let you. You consume my mind. You cause me grief. But THANK YOU JESUS for revealing Truth through this season.

I find myself waiting for so many things right now [college/graduation/career/marriage/family…]. Everyone says to make the most of waiting seasons. Thankfully, so far I can say I’ve done a lot in during this waiting season; traveled, learned HEAPS of about myself, re-discovered God’s grace/love/mercy… now I feel like I’m in a waiting season, within a waiting season, if that makes sense. What a conundrum, am I right or am I right!?

I am essentially waiting for the waiting to be over!! What is wrong with me? Hello, we’ll always be waiting for someone/something, so does that mean this isn’t really a waiting season? It’s really just how life is? I’m confusing myself as I type this.. BUT God is revealing lots of Truth to me in these days of waiting, while waiting…

So wait, what am I waiting for!? Why not do things now?! Check things off my list. Be active! Things I want to see brought to fruition need to start somewhere! I need to stop planning and trying to map out my life. God is once again reminding me... that this life I live is a daily decision to give Him control, letting Him lead and guide my steps. Surrender is key. Just wait on Him.

therefore the LORD waits to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the LORD is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him. - is. 30:18

realizing God's value.

my life in a nutshell:

God blessed me with a seemingly perfect childhood. I really never experienced a horrific life altering event as a kid. My parents never got divorced. I went to private school for elementary and middle school. I knew what was wrong and what was right. I've been going to church since the womb, I know all the answers, I always seem to have it all together. I memorized the fruits of the Spirit, thanks to Steve Green sing-a-longs. I managed to struggle my way through AWANA. In high school I went to all of the youth group events / small groups / retreats. I was pretty naive about things when I went to high school. I wasn't really popular in my public high school, but at church I always seemed to be in the "cool" group. I prided myself in staying out of trouble and would judge the trouble makers. I’ve never actually been on a date before; making it pretty easy to stay out of trouble with boys. I never snuck out of the house. I never partied or drank illegally. I didn't dress like I was easy, because my mom wouldn't let me. And I only listened to Christian music, of course!

My story may not seem thrilling or exciting, but I can't discredit the story that He gave me. Just because I haven't turned down certain roads, doesn't mean God didn't still have to SAVE me! I was born a SINNER, in DESPERATE need of a Savior… still in need of grasping God's VALUE for me. After all, behind my clean/polished church self, was a very broken, depressed, and hopeless girl. As Lecrae would say I was “eating on some secret sin” … holding all of my sins and problems deep down inside of me; it made me be become a really good hypocrite too. UNTIL I stepped back, let Jesus step into my life and truly REALIZED HIS value for me.

here are 5 revelations that helped me,

REALIZE God’s VALUE for me :::

1. I REALIZED God’s VALUE for me, once I understood that I had…

VICTORY over all of my dirty / hidden / embedded / embarrassing / nasty SIN.

Jesus died to bring us to life! If we remain dead in our sins, we can't be fully used by Him. In is death brought victory over our sin, through faith/trust in Jesus Christ.

Ephesians 2:4 ... we were ONCE living in darkness, BUT GOD [He steps in] being RICH in MERCY because of the great love with which he LOVED us even when we were DEAD in our SIN made us ALIVE together with CHRIST—by GRACE YOU HAVE BEEN SAVED---and raised up with HIM and seated with HIM in the heavenly places.

IF you’re currently living in sin, run from it NOW, because your SIN WILL find YOU OUT… so why not start LIVING in FREEDOM right now!?

2. I REALIZED God’s VALUE for me once I understood that I have the…

ABILITY to carry out HIS plans…

The only way you will be equipped and ABLE to carry our HIS plans for you, is by DOING THEM! If you feel like God is calling you to do something, DO IT! He put a call on EACH of your life and has given you the ABILITY to carry our very specific/unique plans...NO ONE’S PLANS ARE THE SAME, so STOP COMPARING yourself.

+If someone told me ten years ago I would travel to AUSTRALIA by myself, God would shake my life upside down and then take me to Thailand to minster to women enslaved by the sex industry, I would have probably laughed in their face! BUT God knew, and HE knew I would be ABLE to carry out EXACTLY what He had planned.

Ephesians 3:20 … Now to him who is ABLE to do immeasurably MORE than all we ask or imagine.

He will do MORE than we can imagine once we use our ABILITIES to fearlessly proclaim His name to all the world.

3. I REALIZED God’s VALUE for me once I forgot about the…

LIES that this world tries to feed me...

The world’s definition of everything is warped. Beauty in God's economy is very different than the world, we are conditioned from an early age that we have to be PHYSICALLY perfect to get a Prince Charming or a happy life with Ken. This is in fact a LIE. We think that living the American Dream will bring us lasting joy, fulfillment and happiness, FALSE.

1 Timothy 6:7-8 ... Nothing of this world will last, be content with the basics!

1 Samuel 16:7 ... Do not look on her appearance or on the height of her stature, because I have rejected her. For the LORD sees not as the WORLD sees: THE WORLD looks at her outward appearance, but the LORD looks at her heart!

We are all going to be wrinkly and saggy one day, so worry more about WHAT will last and that is YOUR heart! Your status will not bring you joy, only Jesus can give you true joy & satisfaction.

4. I REALIZED God’s VALUE for me once I accepted His…

UNCONDITIONAL love…

This means HE loves me WITHOUT conditions! I can’t do anything to deserve HIS love. He JUST LOVES, no matter what I say or do, HE LOVES ME.

1 John 4:19 ... WE LOVE BECAUSE HE FIRST LOVED US.

John 3:16 ... For GOD SO LOVED the world, that HE gave HIS only Son, that whoever believes in HIM will not perish.

His LOVE for us is evident ALL OVER SCRIPTURE, read the BIBLE as if it’s a LOVE LETTER from the world’s most ATTRACTIVE LOVER.

5. I REALIZED God’s VALUE for me once I started to …

EMBRACE HIS VALUE…

CLAIM IT, WALK IN HIS VALUE. YOU ARE HIS FAVORITE. You are HIS most PRIZED possession. This is all just HEAD knowledge until WE EMBRACE IT. Tell yourself every morning in the mirror that YOU ARE HIS FAVORITE. YOU ARE HIS MOST VALUED CREATION.

Psalm 139:13 ... YOU KNIT ME TOGETHER… I praise YOU because I am fearfully and WONDERFULLY made.

Song of Solomon 6:3 ... I am my beloved and my beloved is MINE!

You are HIS. Embrace these truths. You’ve been ADOPTED into HIS kingdom, EMBRACE the VALUE He places on you! Apply it to your life.

untitled

Abba Father,

I give up, trying to be strong is not working any more. Only You can be the strong I need right now. I am done trying to be in control of this situation. I am done crying empty hopeless tears. Lead me toward love. Grant me wisdom, to speak over the situation. Let me talk/walk/live in Truth. Let my dry bones be replaced with life. Speak into the silence I hear. Soften my heart. Breath upon the lifeless. Bring fourth your Spirit and healing to this place. Take my heart back to the place where I was in constant awe of You. Forgive my heart of doubt. Let me rest in Your arms. I trust in Your protection/comfort/provision, I don't need anymore signs that You are who You say you are! I want to be near to Your heart. I can't do this on my own, hear my plea. Mend my broken heart. Bring life/joy/gladness back into this place. Show me Your glory. Never once have we ever walked alone, You are faithful, God You are faithful.

love,
Your daughter.

¹ Therefore, since through God’s mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart. ² Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God. On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to everyone’s conscience in the sight of God. ³ And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing. ⁴ The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel that displays the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. ⁵ For what we preach is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus’ sake. ⁶ For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ.

⁷ But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. ⁸ We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; ⁹ persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. ¹⁰ We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. ¹¹ For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body. ¹² So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.

¹³ It is written: “I believed; therefore I have spoken.” Since we have that same spirit of faith, we also believe and therefore speak, ¹⁴ because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you to himself. ¹⁵ ALL this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.

¹⁶ Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. ¹⁷ For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. ¹⁸ So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

2 Corinthians 4

I won't waste my life.

God is reminding me [a lot] lately to not waste my life.

^"15Look carefully then how you walk!
Live purposefully and worthily and
accurately, not as the unwise and witless,
but as wise (sensible, intelligent people),

¹⁶Making the very most of the time
[buying up each opportunity], because
the days are evil.

¹⁷Therefore do not be vague and thoughtless and foolish, but understanding and firmly grasping what the will of the Lord is.

¹⁸And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery; but ever be filled and stimulated with the [Holy] Spirit.

¹⁹Speak out to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, offering praise with voices and instruments] and
making melody with all your heart to the Lord,

²⁰At all times and for everything giving thanks
in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God
the Father." Ephesians 5:15 [amp]

Recently I remember seeing a movie trailer for a new movie with Justin Timberlake in it. [hopefully you know what movie I'm referring to, because I don't remember the name of it]. From what I could see in the trailer, the characters had a digital time floating above their heads. They were constantly on the run to "buy" more time it appeared. What a picture that is! Sometimes I wish I had a life clock floating above my head! How much more would I get done in a day! How much nicer would I be? How much more time I would spend getting to know God. For me personally, I feel like my daily choices would look a lot different.

Unfortunately God didn't grant us with digital clocks above our heads. We have no idea what our clock is at; it could be at 429,843:03:45 or 9:32:14 ... With a mind set like this, I feel more inclined to not waste my life. Of course, death is a harsh reality, but it's something we need to think about. If I was to die today, what would people say about my life/personality/walk with Christ/how I treat others? Would they have to lie and make things up, to make me sound like a quality person? Would people know that I was a follower of Christ? It reminds me of the old school Nicole Nordman song, Legacy.

I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace who
blessed your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy

Making the most of every minute, hour, days we have is important and it's something I take for granted. I often make plans for tomorrow or the next five years, arrogantly thinking I will be here. I have to remember that God is in control of my clock...today I'm going to start making a more of a conscious decision to let God make my plans & lead me where He needs me. So, I can make the most of my small time on the earth. When I no longer have breath, I want to have done everything I possibly could to expand the Kingdom & impact the world around me.

the Comforter

"That is why I am suffering as I am. Yet this is no cause for shame, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him until that day." 2 Timothy 1:12

I love that God is a God of comfort, knowing exactly how & when to comfort us. the Groom looking after His bride...being patience...speaking tenderly...comforting, when the bride feels weak. God's comforting in the last 48 hours:: the message at lighthouse on Hosea; to remind me that Jesus will never leave my side & will always love me unconditionally...or today having a good cry; to release loads of bottled up emotions...and then tonight this verse in 2 Tim, to remind me that no matter what my current circumstance may be...since I have decided to entrust Him with my life, He will guard it knowing He is in control. + Speaking of comfort... my "no-word" playlist usually calms me down after a stressful/annoying day, so I was listening to Your Hand In Mine by Explosions in the Sky... how fitting!? My hand is in His...and He will never let go...thanks God for comforting me when I need it!

Our hand is always in the hand of the one true Comforter.

kop-khun-ka

Friends & family... here is an over due piece of gratitude... For the past three months since returning home, I've had no idea how to really show thanks in a genuine way. The reality is that words won't ever do justice to the type of thanks my church, friends, and family deserve for supporting me the way they have! So here goes an attempt to fill you in on what you supported...and I really can't say THANK YOU enough for the support I received this past year. God has blessed me above & beyond with each of you!

With YOUR prayer/thoughts and financial support, I was able to know God better in the land-down-under and make Him known in the nation of Thailand with the organization, Youth With A Mission. The following is a follow-up-report of what I was able to do with YOUR help.

I completed a six-month program called Discipleship Training School, based in Newcastle, New South Wales. The program consisted of lectures, reports, and hands on mission experience. The first half of my DTS, referred to as the “lecture phase” was spent in Newcastle Australia. During this phase I had twelve weeks of classroom setting lectures, where I heard from various speakers on topics such as; Bible Study, Character of God, Missions, and Lordship, just to name a few.

During this twelve-week period of time, our school was also involved in running a local youth group called Youth Street. Youth Street is a group that meets every Saturday and outreaches to the local youth. Every weekend was spent with the same group of kids, that way we could build relationships with them and ultimately lead them towards Christ. Each weekend we ran age appropriate activities, worship, messages, and small groups.

After the lecture phase was “outreach”, another twelve weeks of cross-cultural missions experience. During our lecture phase we were given two options for possible outreach locations, Brazil and Thailand were the choices. From there we were asked to not discuss our intentions with friends, instead take our ideas to God and wait to get His word on which location we should choose. Before I left for my DTS, God had put Thailand on my heart. Ever since hearing Aka John and his wife talk about Thailand in church, I have had Thailand on my heart. When I heard the options I automatically assumed I should go! I took it to God and He clearly confirmed my decision.

After forming our team, we spent time getting to know the culture of Thailand. We did various reports on the different people groups, cultures, and studied the language to prepare for our journey. Finally April came and eight others, along with myself headed to Thailand.

Our team was able to spend three months serving in three different locations. The first location we served at was with a YWAM base, outside of Mae Sot. There we held a mini version of what experienced on our Discipleship Training School for Burmese refugees did open-air outreach and led church services to the surrounding hill tribes. This was the most rural of locations, we got to live in bamboo huts, eat rice three times a day, and take showers with a bucket of cold water. Living like this not only made me feel super blessed and spoiled, it also opened my eyes to see that we are not as blessed as we think. Those in need are more blessed in having nothing, they literally live off of love and putting others first, it was quite an eye and heart opening experience.

Next we spent time in the western city of Chaing Mai. There we taught English with a ministry called The Centre, held various outreaches at the local universities, and taught in surrounding churches. During our days working with The Centre, we would go into the local universities and talk to students about the ministry. Through the afternoon we would teach various levels of English as a Second Language classes. After class we would spend time getting to know our students through sitting down for coffee or having them show us what they enjoy doing on their time off. We were able to make some pretty meaningful and deep relationships with the students.

Finally we spent the last leg of our trip in Phuket (pu-ket), working with a ministry called SHE (Self Help Empowerment). This ministry works to rescue local girls from the tourist filled bars and a life of prostitution. We spent our days doing practical work around the city and our nights going into bars to talk to the girls working. We built relationships with the girls who worked there, letting them know that there were other options for work and that they were valued and loved. Depending on which bar you were in, the girls could have been trafficked or prostituted. While ministering there, we saw two girls potentially walk away from their jobs in the bar. We were also able to hand out Thai Bibles to the girls we had spent time getting to know. For me personally, working with this ministry wrecked me in the best way! I had never experienced more spiritual warfare or the continual presence of the Holy Spirit in a more tangible way before.

I feel very blessed to have had the chance to experience both domestic and cross-culture missions and ministries; it has given me a huge perspective of the Church. I am very humbled by the opportunities God has blessed me. Again, I really cannot thank you enough for the words of encouragement, thoughts, prayers and financial support during this season of my life!

“For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ

Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.”

Ephesians 2:10

Not Alone - Red

I am sitting at Starbucks...usual morning occurrence, thanks to sharing a car! As I am listening to this song and watching stranger after stranger walk through the door for their morning coffee, I can't help but want to stand on my chair and explain to everyone that it doesn't matter what their story is or where life currently finds them... they are not alone... there is hope! I want that to be the prayer of everyone I see at Starbucks today... God open their eyes to see/find Your hope, let them be strong and courageous today!

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. // Deuteronomy 31:6

Now what?

I applied to Moody...again.
Round two. Deja Vu of my senior year of high school. It's kind of cool to think about how different my application essays are from almost FOUR years ago. I would not change anything about the last three years. Life has been exactly how God wanted it to. I met the people I needed to meet, saw the places I needed to see, and experienced God in ways I will never forget. The amount of growth that has happened in my heart is pretty crazy. To think of what God has allowed me to experience since 2008 is nuts! So now what? Time for the waiting game! Wait & trust God knows what He's doing.

cliché

God's timing IS perfect! These types of statements are unfortunately so cliche now-a-days. When we are going through a trial/hardship/valleys our sound minded friends tell us that His timing is perfect...everything happens for a reason...if it is meant to be, it will be. If we're being honest, we would say it crosses our minds to pop them a good one in the face for telling you 1,000,000x those flipping cheery/encouraging/positive statements!! When we are going through the hard times our vision is blurred. Satan places his smug in front of our eyes and we're blinded to see that God's timing IS perfect.

Two months ago this week: I staggered off of a plane, jet lagged, over dressed and hacking up a lung. Of course I came back with life changing stories, perspective and God-sightings...but I also had no job to come back to, twisted ambitions, $4.00 in my bank account and credit card debt. It seems petty to think that after God literally HANDED me $10,000 in the matter of 6 months.. it seems RIDICULOUS that I would doubt that God would provide for me once I settle back into life in Michigan.

Right when I got home Satan KNEW where & when I would give in... therefore he prowled like lion... I would give into doubting and get upset with God for not giving me a job when I, thought I needed a job. I went into almost every coffee shop, clothing store, library, and small offices handing out my resume...nothing. I spent time calling businesses asking what the status of my application was...nothing. I went into interviews with positive self-talk and Matt Redman's new track Never Once on loop...BELIEVING that God would give me a job...still nothing! How irritating...in my human mind I told myself I had reason to be upset and frustrated, instead of simply waiting.The past two months... I've certainly learned to wait, appreciate solitude, trust more, live simply, and that you can have fun on virtually zero cash :)

In my lessons learned God DID, of course provide me with a job, at American Eagle...paying 7.50, only if I could get a hang of forcing people to buy over priced holey jeans. I went with it, knowing a job was a job...even though I STILL wasn't satisfied. I went to orientation and went home knowing retail was not for me. I seemed like a brat for not appreciating FINALLY having a job, but I really sensed God has more for me than selling graphic tee's. I got a lead on two admin jobs and had a promising interview with Urban Outfitters... brings me to today, I got a part time admin job that pays more and in general suits me more. I called American Eagle and told them I was thankful for their opportunity but wouldn't need their job any more.

He hears what you want,
but knows what you need.

After a year of God CLEARLY proving He does indeed have perfect timing... I can now tell YOU that whatever it is that you are going through right now -- whether minor/insignificant or unbearable/too much -- God's timing IS perfect, He WILL see you through and He WILL remain faithful ... and I'm not trying to be cliché!

Psalm 27 (MSG)

1 Light, space, zest— that's God!

So, with him on my side I'm fearless,
afraid of no one and nothing.

2 When vandal hordes ride down
ready to eat me alive,
Those bullies and toughs
fall flat on their faces.

3 When besieged,
I'm calm as a baby.
When all hell breaks loose,
I'm collected and cool.

4 I'm asking God for one thing,
only one thing:
To live with him in his house
my whole life long.
I'll contemplate his beauty;
I'll study at his feet.

5 That's the only quiet, secure place
in a noisy world,
The perfect getaway,
far from the buzz of traffic.

6 God holds me head and shoulders
above all who try to pull me down.
I'm headed for his place to offer anthems
that will raise the roof!
Already I'm singing God-songs;
I'm making music to God.

7-9 Listen, God, I'm calling at the top of my lungs:
"Be good to me! Answer me!"
When my heart whispered, "Seek God,"
my whole being replied,
"I'm seeking him!"
Don't hide from me now!

9-10 You've always been right there for me;
don't turn your back on me now.
Don't throw me out, don't abandon me;
you've always kept the door open.
My father and mother walked out and left me,
but God took me in.

11-12 Point me down your highway, God;
direct me along a well-lighted street;
show my enemies whose side you're on.
Don't throw me to the dogs,
those liars who are out to get me,
filling the air with their threats.

13-14 I'm sure now I'll see God's goodness
in the exuberant earth.
Stay with God!
Take heart. Don't quit.
I'll say it again:
Stay with God.

my prayer: spend it all

"We are not here to prove that God answers prayer, but to be living trophies of God’s grace" - Ossy Chambers

I open up my eyes, oh Lord / To see all the things you've done / I open up my heart, oh God / To feel your unfailing love / And I open up my all to you / All my life for your glory to show / And I open up my soul to you alone / Come make yourself at home

And I'll give all that I have to give / 'Cause it's everything I am, Lord / In this life I'll spend it all for you / I'll waste it all on you

I offer up my mind to you / I long for the truth, you know / I offer up my feet to you / They'll walk straight on the path you show / I offer up my time to you / So keep me and hold me still / And I offer up my hands to you / Lord, use them to do your will

And I'll give all I have left to give / 'Cause it's everything I am, Lord / In this life I'll spend it all for you / Yeah, I'll waste it all on you / I'll waste it all

Let your Spirit take me over, God / 'Cause it's all I ever need / Yeah, you're all I ever need, Lord / And receive this life in offering, God / 'Cause I spend it all for you / Yes, I spend it all for you, Lord / Ooh, I spend it all on you

My new theme song? I think yes.

label.ed

God is speaking to me a lot about L A B E L S .
First it was last week, in Nashville with our WSM students. Jerry did a really meaningful message on the labels that we believe about ourselves or labels that others put on us that we believe. Then last night at watershed we talked about our identity in Christ and how our only identity should be in Christ. Then this afternoon I was listening to a podcast that was all about labels and getting a new name for ourselves!! God orchestrates everything in our lives, so I know it's not a coincidences that all of this labeling stuff keeps coming up. I believe God is calling ME to look at the labels I've put on myself and believed about myself, or the labels that I've allowed others to put on me.

It's time for me to recognize the labels and pull them off. I'm tired of walking through life believing lies about myself. I just want to be known as God's... that's the only label I want to wear. Actually Cliff's message on Sunday was about following God and not looking at anyone else, keeping our eyes focused just on Christ...HELLO...that's what I want/need to do! Who cares what people have said about me in the past, who cares what I've believed about myself...I'm a NEW creation in Christ Jesus, the old has gone & the NEW has come...HE gave me a new name...the only label I want is that I am HIS.

...you shall be called by a new name which the mouth of the Lord shall name. // Isaiah 62:2

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! // 2 Corinthians 5:17

freedom from fear.

I can't...but HE can

Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

Take delight in the LORD,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:

He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn,
your vindication like the noonday sun.

Be still before the LORD
and wait patiently for him;

do not fret when people succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.
Psalm 37:3-7

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The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.
John 10:10