dreamer

This week I have had some of the most vivid dreams ever. All of which have involved people I know well, causally, or not at all [as in -- know of them, but not personally]. Some of them have been straight up bizarre and some of them I would love to see come true. Some have been totally unrealistic and some of them could very well happen. Dreams this vivid and realistic make me wish I knew the meaning behind them. Wondering if dreams actually really could ever hold meaning. In the Bible people encountered God and found meaning in dreams...dreams make me let out a big "hmmm..."

::sigh::

Guess we'll never know...

{sweet dreams have a new meaning}

S P R I N G

If you know me at all you know I strongly dislike that cold, gray, dark, bitter season...what's it called again, oh yeah winter.. That's why right when the clocks change and the sun begins to shine again, the grass starts to show and the buds start to bloom, I fall in love all over again with the state of Michigan.

This past week has be the greatest spring weather ever! from the 60's to HIGH 70's .... this weather makes me am happy. Sun shinning, birds chirping, flowers blooming, pulling out the skirts and flip flops, seeing people outside...it all makes my heart happy.

E A S T E R weekend::

Good Friday -- Good Friday is the day when Christians reflect the horrifying death of our Savior, but it's a good day because we KNOW that that's not the end of the story. Our Savior is alive and living in the souls of his children! First our family went to the Good Friday service at church... it was a great time to worship and reflect what Christ did for you and me. Later Lindsay and I made dinner for Ashley and Steph...it was so fun! Our first dinner party was a success. Later that night we headed down to Pontiac for Lighthouse's Good Friday service. We had a sweet opportunity to hold our Good Friday service at the Crofoot in Pontiac...it was sweet! The venue was totally packed and the presence of God was felt. Cliff brought a good word from the journey of Jesus' death to resurrection. There was communion and time well spent in reflection of what Christ did for the world on the cross. The worship was also amazing...to think that people walking by the venue could hear 20-somethings praising Jesus' name at the top of their lungs was an unbelievable thought...it was quit a night to remember. After the service Linds, Ashley, Steph, and I went to IHOP at 2:00a...it was so fun, then we went home and crashed and slept in till 12....unreal! ... I love my what Jesus did for ME on the cross. I love my church. I love my friends. I love sleeping in!Such a good Friday.

Saturday -- after sleeping in way too late, we walked around the city and hung out at the local Bou...we're becoming regulars, I love it. Then we ventured home...in the rain, we made it though! Then we headed to a friends birthday party that reminded us of a graduation party...it was funny...but we had a good time. THEN to top off the night, Lindsay and I ran into the mall on our way home to get a last minute Easter outfit essential and bumped into two guys from a local worship band that we poke fun of ALL the time...but they totally recognized us! While we were making small talk, we mentioned where we were living and they told us how trendy we were...Lindsay & I got quit a laugh out of their comments...after we ended the conversation of course.

Easter Sunday -- We spent the night at mom and dads house...because it was a holiday, so we woke up to Belgium waffles and Easter gifts...I still don't understand the whole getting gifts on Easter, but I'm not complaining. Then we headed to church with the fam and church was packed out! It was so great, everyone looked their Sunday best...with pastels, ties, dresses, skirts, and suite jackets. Church was really good, of course. After church we took pictures and went to our families house for dinner. I love holidays, time spent with the family is always time well spent and to warp it off with relaxation is so great!

Easter season seriously makes me SO thankful for Jesus. It's like Thanksgiving, but in the Spring. Being able to reflect on the ultimate gift to man kind is amazing...Christ sent his son for the whole world! It's a lot to wrap my brain around! But not only did he send his son, his son took on OUR shame and rose from the grave to LIVE in you and me and WASH us c l e a n from our shame! Jesus is so good...such L O V E shown on through the death and Resurrection of Jesus.




“For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.”- 2 Corinthians 5:14-15

season to s t r e t c h

{It took me almost two weeks to write this all out...

hopefully it makes sense?!

In a nut shell, God taught me &

stretched me a lot last week!}

____________________________________________

march 20, 2010

This week has proven to be a roller coaster of emotions & situations. [Okay, hormones kind of have something to do with it, but that’s beside the point] Either way, there was quit a s t r e t c h in my life. It’s probably one of many to come, seeing it seems this is a season of stretching for me…all to make me stronger I would presume.

To live a healthy life it's good to stretch out your muscles.

Like every other muscle our HEARTS need a good

s t r e t c h

every now and then too.

{Sunday} My week started with an incredible night of worship at church. I have never heard our church worship so hard & loud in the eight years I've been there.... it was amazing. God really shifted my heart and outlook on worship, remembering not to leave my worship in the four walls of the church -- take it to the streets. I left with a renewed mind set and empowered spirit…ready to take on the week… little did I know that it would be quit the week.

{Sunday Night} That night was followed by an almost weekly three way call [between twin, Ashley, & Stephanie - where we discuss what's going on in our life pretty much]. We went on talking about boys, potentials, dreams, waiting, and God's timing. I hung up annoyed, instead of the usual feeling of being encouraged and joyful that I have great friends. I found myself doubting my self-esteem and questioning my confidence like mad. The devil literally grabbed my heart and was making me believe I wasn't worth anyone’s time…which sounds super petty but I was really feeling inadequate. To be feeling like this right after an amazing night of worship was really just…annoying. Plus, this can be such a dangerous move, when anyone (girls in particular), think of themselves less because they've never had a boy turn their way or pay them attention. Of course it would feel flattering, but we can't rely on the feeling we get from affirmation from the opposite sex to make us feel good about our self or to find our confidence. The doubts filled my mind as I was easily reminded that I’ve never had a boyfriend, been on a date, or even asked to “get coffee” as we had just talked about. I couldn’t believe that the Devil had gotten me so easily?! It made me mad and I went to bed praying that I could be okay without a guy trying to fill my voids and asking God for strength because doubting myself and keeping my confidence up is definitely a past struggle…one that Satan surely grasps when he can.

{Monday Morning} The next day I woke up flustered because I was starting a yoga class – one that we ended up arriving 30 minutes late, due to the fact we thought it started at 8:30, not 8:00. So for the next stretch in my week, I had to get physically stretched. It was seriously the most relaxing, yet physical thing I've ever done. I felt so great after the class was out! As we walked to Caribou my legs felt like jelly [in a good relaxed way] so I knew I was doing something right in class. After working out you always feel better about yourself & that you can conquer the day…so I did. I left my self-pity from the night before in the yoga room & talked to God while we wrapped up the session lying flat on our backs…it felt so great.

{Monday Night} Knowing I could conquer my usual “case of Monday’s” I knew I needed to rethink my attitude about going into work that night. Once I got to work I really made it an effort to be kind hearted to ALL of my patrons. [Even the ones that seriously make me want to pull out my hair…super arrogant, snotty, & inconsiderate people.] By doing so I was taking my worship minded spirit to the streets…or to the Library anyway. I couldn’t believe how different patrons responded to me [even the cranky ones] when I wasn’t easily angered and more loving towards them. Instead of looking at them as a patron, someone I was trying to help, I looked at him or her as someone that God created, someone He choice to be a character in my story for whatever reason. Not only was I being encouraged from the people at work, I read Romans 8 and was amazed that God takes us no matter where we’ve been and chooses to use us to further his kingdom.

{Tuesday} Getting out of the door on time has always been and will always be a struggle for Lindsay & I. We love being on time but trying to roll out of bed on time and make it to school 5 minutes before class starts has proven to be a challenge. We shuffled out the door and arrived late to class…it was kind of okay just because it was my Drawing class. But still, I just hate being that person that walks in late and is asking around frantically about the assignment or homework that was passed out while I was still on 75. So the stretches began, not only was I late and flustered I had totally forgotten I had an exam in Biology right after my Drawing class. I showed up for the exam completely unprepared. Worrying about how this would affect my grade, how could I have done this… spewing negative self talk the rest of the day, not my ideal Tuesday afternoon. After cooling down a bit and realizing my negative self talk wasn't going to change my grade I drank a Caribou strawberry-banana smoothie and meditated on Colossians 3… a super encouraging passage:: my heart was being stretched :: Later I had Kairos and our group had an awesome discussion surrounding finding our confidence in HIM, instead of what others think of us – then Ange mentioned the same passage I was just reading from Colossians, “For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God”. It was totally a ‘God thing’. Kairos was so encouraging…especially after having an annoying day. All that to say God’s little tests were starting to work and I was starting to feel the burn of a good stretch in my heart.

{Wednesday Morning} Every Wednesday morning I work a pretty easy shift and actually really enjoy having a kind-of break from school during the week. While I was at work, I finished reading Romans 8 and was still trying to wrap my mind around how amazing the God is we serve. Passages like… “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us” & “we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him” & “in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us” were stretching my heart in an unbelievable way. In fact one of the “Babes” [nickname for a fellow AgapeBabe] was just sharing the night before a trial she was going through and so I shot her a Facebook message with Romans 8 in it… I love when God encourages you, you encourage someone else, and then they encourage someone else, and then someone encourages you… I love that cycle we get to be a part of in the body of Christ. Anyway, so mid week God was clearly stretching my heart in a big way, I could feel Him more than ever and to think it was only Wednesday. While still at work, I thought it would be a good idea to read over my Oasis lesson, so I wouldn’t get tongue tied and would be prepared to give out answers. As I was reading it, God showed up again and the lesson was all about CONFIDENCE… something I had been struggling with at the beginning of the week. Not only was it on confidence and a lesson I, myself also needed to learn from, the passage Steve used was Romans 8!! I could hardly believe it, again – totally a God thing. God was seriously showing up everywhere.

{Wednesday Night} Later that night, after Oasis and teaching a lesson I needed just as much as my Oasis girls needed, I was totally being pulled down by Satan… again. Isn’t it funny that Satan steps in right when we’re on these spiritual highs, that’s how much he hates us getting close and intimate with a loving God. I was stressing out about a paper I HAD to get done that night because I wouldn’t have time to complete it Thursday night. Being the procrastinator I am and giver-upper [major flaw] I negatively talked myself out of writing the paper and left it till the following day… big mistake. The way I push things aside till the last minute is totally not something to be proud of and in that moment of giving up, it was almost like I was giving into Satan in a weird way. I wasn’t believing in Romans 8, that I could be more than a conqueror in the situation. Giving up, I was setting up a headache of a Thursday and piling on of more stress than I would have had to deal with if I would’ve simply written the paper that night.

{Thursday} For me, Thursday’s are usually the weekend, so I look forward to them. However every three weeks they are major cramming and homework nights. When the third week comes around, I gear up to turn in a Government paper and then go in for an exam Friday morning. Knowing myself too well I always know that Thursday nights with a paper/exam due the day are never good days for me. I try to tell myself a week before they are due… “Oh, this time I will start a week early, so I’m not so stressed out”… without fail, every third Thursday I kick myself for not starting a week ahead. This week was different though, instead of having all Thursday to complete the paper, I had a time limit because Lindsay and I agreed to babysit a family together that night. So that’s where I was on Thursday, after my Bio Lab, I rushed over to Panera to conquer my paper by 3:00 [when we had to go babysit]. Three in the afternoon rolled around and I had gotten a pretty decant size of work down… however the paper STILL wasn’t done. Knowing I had to go babysit I figured after we were done, I could just hit up a 24 hour coffee shop with free wi-fi to put the finishing touches on my paper and send it off into cyber space. The parents came home and Lindsay and I rushed over to the coffee shop for only about half hour. While skimming facebook [AFTER the paper was done of course] and still feeling stressed out and discouraged with school stuff, I updated my status in frustration to “:serious status: God says He won't give us more than we can handle....but right now I am pretty sure I can't handle school... clinging to Romans 8...”. I usually try not to update in frustration but this night in particular I had to! Right when I posted in, my friend Tabitha wrote me a really encouraging message [part of the encouragement circle between the body of Christ!] and it totally changed my heart… made me remember that literally in everything – even the small, minute things we go through, God still cares and wants us to conquer life with Him!!

{Friday} The last day of the week, school week any way, is always my favorite. Friday holds a lot of promises… break from school, sleeping in [sometimes], hanging out with friends, church, ect. I knew this Friday in particular was my favorite when I conquered my Government exam and got my current grade! As I dashed out of the school no later than 9:30, I couldn’t believe the joy that filled me. I made it, I was done [for a time..] with school, all the papers, exams, bad days, and ups and downs of the previous few days were behind me and I was READY for the weekend! Lindsay and I, not having wifi in our apartment now spend a lot of time at Caribou… good coffee and free wifi, it makes sense. So we started our weekend off by grabbing some Caribou and using their free wifi for a bit before we started the rest of our Friday. Once we got to the ‘Bou, I realized my computer was dead and neither of us had a charger… With out hesitation, I said I’ll be back in five, I’m running home to grab a charger – seeing we live five minutes away and what would be the point of using the wifi if my computer was dead?!

I through the car into reverse drink in hand and am on my way to our cute little apartment. Side note, I play it pretty safe when I am driving, I am that person who may or may not start slowing down JUST because I think the light MIGHT turn yellow. Any way, I am on my way home down the three lane road we live off of. Clearly a old person driving the left lane had no where important to go, as they were driving 5 under the limit [or so I thought]. I raised my speed to pass them and then once in the left lane again, I slowed down. Not even a second later, I see flashing red and blue lights in my rear view mirror. I could not believe this, all I was thinking was “does this guy know what kind of week I just had?!” & “I never speed, why is he pulling me over!?”. More annoyed than scared or upset [a.k.a. crying] I unrolled my window and listened to the grouchy old officer tell me how I was going 15 over, then I handed him my license and registration… without my proof of insurance [our car got broken into on NYE and the robber took our P.O.I. & being the procrastinator I am, never bothered getting a new copy]. The officer came back after what felt like an eternity, and explained that since I had a clean driving record that he would only ticket me for going 10 over and that if I set up a court date, that I could possibly get the 2 points off of my license AND get a cheaper fine if I brought in my proof of insurance to show the judge. :: sigh :: After collecting my thoughts I proceeded to my apartment and finally made it back to the ‘Bou.

Later that day, after realizing that my ticket was just ONE more test and that life would move on, I went to a “WSM freshmen girls” sleepover. It was super encouraging just to relax and have fun with high school girls after what to me was a “horrible” week. At the sleepover, by mom had Ashley and Stephanie share their stories which again, was super encouraging. Being able to share their stories to younger girls was so awesome to be a part of. Each of them have an amazing and life changing stories of what they went through in high school. I just hope and pray that after hearing their stories the younger girls will be able to filter their decisions and not fall into pressures that are found through the high school years.

{Sunday} Short & sweet...Cliff spoke about Romans 8 and we sang "Healing Is In Your Hands"...if that's not God, I don't know what is. [link to podcast & song]

All of that to say… God KNEW how much I could handle and didn't give me more than I was able. Even when I felt like I couldn’t handle something, God was there and saw me through my ups and downs of the week. The entire week God was in control and continued to S T R E T C H me the whole time, I might not of enjoyed it at first, but s t r e t c h i n g sometimes hurts.

GOD ALWAYS GOES BEFORE US.

HE KNEW WHAT I WOULD STRUGGLE WITH THIS WEEK

AND HAD IT PLANNED THAT EVERY THING WOULD LINE UP PERFECTLY

SO I COULD S T R E T C H MY HEART OUT A BIT..

:: allow GOD to step into your days and you will see that every step you take matters and is worth it. When we walk in step with HIM we will find HIM

Passion:: AWAKENING

Out today is Passion Conference's latest album AWAKENING. It's definitely a must buy. With new and old songs from their live worship event in Atlanta Georgia this past January.

Track Listing::
1. Awakening
2. Say, Say
3. Our God
4. How He Loves
5. Healing Is In Your Hands
6. King of Heavens (Isaiah 61)
7. You Alone Can Rescue
8. Where the Spirit of the Lord Is
9. Rise and Sing
10. Like a Lion
11. Chosen Generation
12. With Everything
13. A Mighty Fortress
14. Jesus Messiah
15. The Stand

{Name above names, Lamb that was slain, Beautiful God.
King above Kings, God of all things, Beautiful God.
And there is no other name, like Jesus.
Give You all of the praise, oh Lord.
So let hope rise and darkness tremble in Your holy light.
That every eye would see Jesus our God,
great and mighty to be praised.}

Random Rambles.

{FREEDOM}
Living on my own is such freedom! I love it! I can't believe it's real life now. It's kind of scary though how fast you really have to grow up when you live on your own. No more depending on the parents to buy things you know you need, but you've always took for granted because you never had to buy tolit paper or dish soap....mmm....I do love it though! It's proven to be such a fun adventure thus far. From moving out to moving in, painting, shopping, and organizing. Lindsay and I are having such fun with our own place, especially in a downtown area, where everything is in walking distances. *sigh* We love it! We feel super blessed too that we were able to make such a smooth move and transition! God has been too good to us!

{EXCITEMENT}
Can I just say life is SO exciting right now [& moving fast]...so much potential and possibilities. Seriously living "FOR SUCH A TIME AS THIS".... I love this time of my life, experiencing true freedom really for the first time in my life -- not only in my everyday life & living on my own, but with God too! Speaking of where God has taken me, my Oasis small group has seriously grown up in the past few weeks and God is doing awesome things in the lives of my girls! At MOVE we had the best small group times ever, the girls really opened up and I learned a lot about them and from them, I love how God can use 12 year girls to teach me a lesson. My attitude towards serving in Oasis has totally changed too, it use to be such a headache and annoyance to try to sit down and have small group time [because settling 12 rowdy 6th graders down can be quit challenging], but as time has passed the girls have clearly gotten more mature and we're now able to make more use of the small amount of time we have every Wednesday night now! It's crazy to see where God has taken me up till this point in my life....it's been a crazy ride and I can't wait to see where HE takes me next!

{OTHER NEWS}
My photography business is going full force now and picking up momentum. Thanks to my sister and our good friend who unknowing to me set up my very own Facebook fan page! [facebook.com/cfillmorephoto] As of right now, I am still trying to finish an associates degree which sounds (& seems) super lame but it's something right!? ha. After that, hopefully I can travel a bit & serve over seas....then pretty much go full time with my photography....then again, these are my plans, we'll see where God takes me next.

"for HE has done marvelous things" ::: psalm 98

::Redefining Love

It seems like in today’s world we overuse the word love. Not only are we saying it too much, we’re using it wrong. Instead of using love as a verb, we use it as an adjective. We use love to describe our liking of almost everything, or at least I often find myself doing so. I might say; I love this band, I love those jeans, I love my mom, or I love warm weather.


But do I really, actually love these things? A lot of times we say we love things and yet forget all together how to love others. We overuse a word that, as described in the Bible, has a lot more depth to it than expressing our liking of a new pair of jeans.

Love, in the Bible, is a call to action, something sacrificial you do simply because you love someone. Knowing that “luv is a verb,” as DC Talk would say, we can easily see that God didn’t intend love to be a describing word, but an action word. The Bible calls us to love our neighbor as ourselves, but how often do we actually put this kind of love into action?

This time year, the word love is plastered over everything; cards, candies, shirts, and balloons. What if instead of plastering love onto things, we plastered love onto people around us? What if we acted out what love really means? Read 1 Corinthians 13:1-8,13 carefully and see how Paul describes love.

1 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails. 13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Did you observe what love is not and notice what love actually is? Is that how you are going about loving those around you? Whether it’s your boss, professor, family member, or stranger, this is how we’re supposed to love others. These attributes are vastly different than us trying to describe our favorite jeans. Love is an action that the followers of Jesus Christ are called to display on a daily basis.

The Bible says that things of this world are temporary; therefore we must spend our days loving people more than things. It’s through the action of love that the world will see Christ displayed. Now it’s time we take back what love really means and put into action what God sees as love.

Ancient Skies

No matter the time of day, I love to observe the sky. What do you see when you look up at the sky? Do you look past the clouds? Can you believe how small we are compared to the sky? Are you quickly reminded of God when you see a pretty sunrise or a storm rolling in?


The sky is quite an intriguing part of creation. Everyone can see it; wherever you are in the world, we all see the same sky. To the human eye, the sky is constantly changing due to the weather and rotation of the Earth. No matter the change we see, its been the same sky since time began. We might see dark rain clouds, floods of red and orange hues, or simply a cloudless blue, but still it remains the same. Day might turn to night and seasons might come and go, but the sky itself doesn’t actually change; we just view it differently.

One summer night my sister and I were driving with the windows down and music blaring, when we were struck by the beauty displayed across the horizon. With my camera strap snug around my wrist, I stuck my camera out the window to snap this photo. It’s in this photo that I am reminded of our never changing God.

Our seasons might change, our view of life might be as bright as the morning or turn as dark as the night, yet we have a Creator that never changes. Our Creator, like the sky, is for everyone. No one is left out when it comes to discovering and knowing the beauty of the Creator, just like the beauty found in a sunset or flashes of lightning.

Psalms 68 says,
“Sing to God, O kingdoms of the earth,
sing praise to the Lord, Selah,
Him who rides the ancient skies above,
who thunders with mighty voice”.

God rides the ancient skies. The skies might change view but God is still in them. Even when our circumstances are a cloudy gray or a bright hue, God is there. We can find him in every part of life and every view of the sky.

When we are open to it, God reveals himself in gorgeous and magnificent ways. The Creator of the universe chooses to display a magnificent master piece across sky on a daily basis. We are on His mind when he paints the sunrise every morning or brushes in rain clouds. He is everywhere, in everything, and with everyone, just like the sky we see everyday. We serve a Creator that like the sky is: bigger than we could ever imagine and for everyone, everywhere.

JOHN 15:1-4

I AM the True Vine, and My Father is the Vinedresser.

Any branch in Me that does not bear fruit
[that stops bearing] He cuts away (trims off, takes away);
and He cleanses and repeatedly prunes every branch
that continues to bear fruit, to make it
bear more and richer and more excellent fruit.

You are cleansed and pruned already, because of the
word which I have given you [the teachings I have discussed with you].

Dwell in Me, and I will dwell in you. [Live in Me,
and I will live in you.] Just as no branch can bear
fruit of itself without abiding in (being vitally united to)
the vine, neither can you bear fruit unless you abide in Me.

HOPE for Hope.

This is Hope. She came into this world fighting a fight she didn’t chose. Born with HIV AIDS in remote Ethiopia, Hope wasn’t cared for the way she needed to be; that’s when God moved in the hearts of a loving family, in hopes that they could adopt. Their hopes came true and Hope was adopted. Now she is able to get the medicine and upbringing needed to live as normal and healthy of a life as she can.

I met Hope two summers ago while ministering at Camp Barnabas. As ignorant as it sounds, I was a tad apprehensive the day I found out that I would be working with a child with HIV AIDS. Growing up unfamiliar with the disease and only exposed to the media’s hyped up awareness, I had no idea what to expect. I knew I couldn’t “catch it” or anything, but for some reason I still felt hesitant to work with a child with this disease.

The day came after all of the training and prepping when the campers made it to camp and I finally got to meet Hope. From the moment Hope walked into the cabin, there was something radiant about this 8-year-old girl. From the get-go all she seemed to know how to do was bring a smile to everyone’s face, forgetting she was even sick.

This radiance about her was HOPE. You could tell that Hope had HOPE. Though she was sick, the HOPE she had made her even her forget–for a moment–that she was sick. For one week, Hope showed me what HOPE looks like.

HOPE is… taking your (what seems endless) medicine without complaining.
HOPE is… smiling & laughing.
HOPE is… living life to our fullest potential & receiving Jesus’ LOVE & MERCY.
HOPE is… real & lasts.

Hope has HOPE… in spite of her earthly circumstance. Do you find true HOPE in the midst of your trials and pain? Do you see HOPE in your daily life? Hope has HOPE in her life; I hope you do to.

You make all things work together for my good.

We are assured and know that [God being a partner in their labor] all things work together and are [fitting into a plan] for good to and for those who love God and are called according to [His] design and purpose.
::romans 8:28


new horizons + beginnings + different people&places + fresh perspective.

2010has already proven to be eventful...and it's still January!

Story-time. Two weeks ago my sister and I reached the point and it was confirmed that "it was time"...time to move out! Not that we don't LOVE our family, we just NEED to move out, move on. With a quick few email back and forth between some friends of ours from church and meeting with a landlord, we're moving [at the beginning of Feb] into an apartment in a downtown area which we love! GOD IS SO GOOD to us. Right now everything is just working out! For now anyway....still trying to do life one moment&step at a time.

refreshing thought,

"...we have been wandering as spiritual exiles...living in a world that no longer fits our deepest longings." - the prodigal god

:: then LOVE came; filling our deepest longings and desires...what {comfort}

"He who did not spare his own Son,
but gave him up for us all—
how will he not also, along with him,
graciously give us all things?" ROMANS 8:31

God moves in mysterious ways.

THREE mysterious ways of GOD in ONE day.

1. The roads were totally dry on the way home from Kairos tonight. After a gloomy day of snow falling with EVERYONE and EVERYTHING saying roads would be super slippery and slide-y.. they were dry, dry, dry!? I have really bad brakes and STILL haven't bothered taking them in and yet, the roads were perfectly fine tonight..

((physical p r o t e c t i o n))

2. Instead of finishing my homework I checked my Facebook and got a friend request and wall post. Friend request from my elementary school"BFF". Just the other day in my Communications class, my prof asked how many of us were still close with the people we grew up with and I thought of her. Then I got a wall post from on of my good camp friends whom I haven't seen in two years. Just the other day at work, I was thinking a lot about camp life, friends and memories working there. I haven't really communicated with either of them in quit some time and was pleasantly surprised..

((sudden r e c o n n e c t i o n))

3. I just saw that the My Utmost for His Highest for today (12/16) is titled Wrestling Before God ::: "Beware of lazily giving up. Instead, put up a glorious fight and you will find yourself empowered with His strength." God knows me too well..... this is exactly what I was thinking about today. Earlier today I was even reading about perfectionism being linked with procrastination, how it causes people (like myself) to give up with out trying. I SO need to start working on not giving up so easily! AND then tonight I was sharing with the girls at Kairos how I feel SO confused on where/what/when I am doing&going next in my life. Confused because I am hindered by fear of missing it all together (whatever IT is) -- from giving up too easily, then I read that line in the devotional about being EMPOWERED by HIS strength..

((self e x a m i n a t i o n))


All of this can only equate to God moving & stirring my life up.
God DOES move in mysterious ways.
When we open our eyes, heart, and mind--He mysteriously moves in.

This Beautiful Exchange : Hillsong Live

You were near though I was distant
Disillusioned, I was lost and insecure
Still mercy fought for my attention
You were waiting at the door
Then I let you in.

Trading Your place, for my offenses
For my redemption, You carried all the blame
My burden erased, my life forgiven
Redemption took my place

When only love could make a way
You gave Your life
In a beautiful exchange

Breaking the curse of our condition
There is nothing that can take this love away
My only desire, and sole ambition
Is to love You just the same.

When only love could make a way
You gave Your life
In a beautiful exchange

When only love could break these chains
You gave Your life
In a beautiful exchange

Holy are You, God
Holy is Your Name
With everything I've got
My heart will sing
How I love You.

Cielo :: P H I L W I C K H A M

Allow the lyrics of this song
invade your s o u l + m i n d.
I'm walking through the bright white gates
Breathing in and out your grace
All around me melodies rise
That echo with the joy inside
So I start to sing
But I can't sing loud enough
I can't sing loud enough
When I'm singing for You my God
I can't sing loud enough
I can't sing loud enough
When I'm singing for You my God
With a thunder roll and a brilliant light
Your glory boasts and the heavens shine
The saints and angels stand in awe
Captured by the beauty of it all
So I fall to my knees
But I can't bow low enough
I can't bow low enough
At the vision of You my God
I can't bow low enough
I can't bow low enough
At the vision of You my God
I can't hold it all inside
I'm reaching for the One who brought me out of death and into life
Now I can't lift my hands high enough
Life my hands high enough
When I'm reaching for You my God
I can't lift my hands high enough
Life my hands high enough
When I'm reaching for You my God
Oh I'm reaching for You my God
I'm reaching for You
I'm reaching for You
I'm reaching for You my God

Where did November go!?

I cannot believe it's already December.....November flew by too fast, but now it's officially Christmas time!! Here is a look back at November.

Dead car battery = good late night laugh
After a lovely dinner Linds, Steph and I were asked to leave Panera (because they were closed, we aren't trouble makers), we headed over to Denny's to finish out chit-chatting marathon. After chatting for 8 hours straight (we counted) 1:30a rolled around and we all agreed it was time to part ways seeing we all had to work that morning. It was the first weekend of November where it had gotten cooler than we were use to, Lindsay went to start our '95 Blazer and it would not start. We weren't that panicky at first because sometimes it starts after the 2nd try. When we got to the 4th or 5th try we something wasn't right....and the noise that the car was making made us think it was the battery more than the engine. There we were the three of us in the cold laughing really hard in unbelief. Luckily Steph hadn't left yet and mentioned having a jumper cable. Once we contained ourselves enough to function, we popped open both of our hoods and figured it couldn't be THAT hard to jump a car. (still laughing) To our relieve (after a few feeble attempts) we noticed two police cruisers in the parking lot...SO we went into Denny's to find the cops for help (mind you we had left the restaurant two hours prior because it had become too smoky, so the Denny's staff was probably really confused). We found the cops and they politely obliged to help us out. The cop came out and asked us some Q's about the cars and then hooked them up and boom done.! Finally, at around 2a we were on our way home! Thank God for jumper cables, laughter, friends, and cops.



S I D E J O B
It's official, I am actually starting to make money for clicking my camera. This fall I've gotten to do three shoots - senior portraits and two engagement [two of which were on the same day] ((exhausting))! I am pretty excited about where these potentially could lead....but as always, just trying to take it one step at a time. So we'll see what happen next. As for the coming up months, I am shooting a wedding after the first of the year and another in May! This makes me excited for possibly starting a side business to get through school and beyond.

Nashvegas: {long over due}
For Thanksgiving weekend the fam traveled down to the best city in the world, Nashville Tennessee! We hadn't been there in quit some time so we figured it was time to make another trek down there as a family (Dad, Mom, Brit, Linds, me, Chad, and AJ). The seven of us loaded the family mini-van at 4a Wednesday before Thanksgiving and arrived in Nash around 2p....thankfully I was able to sleep most of the way or else the drive would've seemed like an eternity I'm sure. WE...stayed at a weird hotel with our extended family but made the best of it...spent quality time at our grandpas house...over ate...explored the city...got family portraits done....ate some more...saw live music...drank coffee at a cute cafe my uncles friend owns in East Nashville called the Ugly Mug....enjoyed the fall sunshine....drank more coffee...went on a late night Sonic run...laughed and enjoyed time with the cousins, aunts, uncles...snapped pictures... It was a good time, annoying at times BUT it made timeless memories none the less.

Handmade Detroit :::
I usually work every Saturday morning, so I especially appreciate and LOVE having a spontaneous Saturday off...this one in particular happened to fall on the day of the Handmade Detroit Urban Craft fair downtown. This craft show is so sweet, everything is hand made and produced in Michigan! There is so much stuff you would never think of that people use to create crazy crafts and goods. So Brit, Linds, Stefanie, and I made a day out of it... we met at the cutest French cafe for brunch called Le Petit Zinc, where we ate crepes and conversed. Then we headed to the Majestic Theatre for the show a got a dent in our Christmas shopping, while finding some things for ourselves too.
Like any craft show you needed cash to purchase things so when we were finding ourselves low on the dough, we knew we needed to find an ATM machine. Of course the ATM machine in the theatre was shady and out of money so we asked around and found an ATM a block up. Stef and I walked up to the nearest bank where we met a woman that claimed she need money for a bus fare, when we offered her a warm sandwich from Starbucks instead, she agreed. The three of us walked over to Starbucks and listened to a little bit of her story and how she was just having a hard time. We gave her the sandwhich and told her that Jesus loved her and had hope in her....she smiled and her eyes got glazed over like she was going to cry. We parted ways and returned to the craft show....it's the little things that can make a BIG difference in someones life.

_I thoroughly enjoyed my November.

so close // bethany dillon

I’m so close to being so far away from You
I was wrong, but it takes so much to say it to You
Like a broken husband and wife
Who never talk but share their nights
I’m so close to being so far away from You
I have nothing when I’m living apart from You
Outside, creation groans
To lose our darkness and be made whole
For my feet are close to slipping
Speak to my heart in time
You have promised, so I do believe
You won’t forget this wandering child
Still, I’m so close to being so far away from You
Though I know no one on their own makes it through
My soul clings to the dust
So in Your life, let it be enough
I’m so foolish to believe that I can escape Your love
For my feet were close to slipping
You spoke to my heart in time
You have promised, so I do believe
You won’t forget this wandering child
You’re so close
when I feel far away from You

We're All In This Together

After attempting to type out a post like ten times......I found a post I liked better than all of my feeble attempts combined from a guy named Tim Schraeder. When it comes out on DVD, I plan on watching it a again with a notebook and pen by my side.

These are some of his tweets, tweeted during the movie, as seen on his post about the film.. I encourage you to read the original post too.

• Maybe the human race [for possessions, fame, power] isn’t meant to be a race at all.
• Loneliness is one of the most extreme forms of poverty.
• Too often we dwell in the past or focus too much on the future that we miss this moment.
• The future will be written by the way we respond to moment that’s in front of us.
• If what happens inside the four walls of the church doesn’t make a difference in the streets that people travel to get there, then maybe we are missing the point.
• We’ve trained ourselves to look past the needs.
• Ignorance isn’t just sleeping through the fire, it’s really just fanning the flame.
• Love has been reduced to define what makes us feel good.
• At the core of who we are, every single human being craves the same thing… love
• Jesus is the ultimate expression of God’s love to humanity.
• Jesus didn’t die to give us religion, He died to give us love.
• Our weakness is a place for God to show His strength.
• God’s picture for the Church for us to be the light to the world around us.
• For too long the Church has made a big deal about the small things, and a small deal about the big things.
• Preaching does not come from the pulpit, it comes from the people of God living their lives out for Him (Brother Andrew)
• We don’t just attend church, we are the Church.
• The Church exists for those outside of it.
• If we want to make history, we need find our place in His Story.
• The love of God cannot be measured but it can be demonstrated.
• We need to preach the Gospel with our actions.
• We’ve made a dangerous division between what’s sacred and what’s secular; nothing is secular, everything belongs to God.
• If you are not a part of the solution, you are a part of the problem.
• What we are not, He is.
• The greatest of these is love.
  
  
  Amos 5:21-24 (The Message)
  "I can't stand your religious meetings.
  I'm fed up with your conferences and conventions.
  I want nothing to do with your religion projects,
  your pretentious slogans and goals.
  I'm sick of your fund-raising schemes,
  your public relations and image making.
  I've had all I can take of your noisy ego-music.
  When was the last time you sang to me?
  Do you know what I want?
  I want justice—oceans of it.
  I want fairness—rivers of it.
  That's what I want. That's all I want.
  
  

Jesus didn't die to give us religion,

He died to show us his LOVE.
LOVE Jesus first,
LOVE His people second.

Join the movement >>
i-heart.org

God of the City

What do you think when you think of Detroit? It’s scary, home of the automobile, big business failure, or almost always cold... if you thought any of those you’re pretty much right on. But do you ever think of the PEOPLE of Detroit? Day-Twah is the home of so many people, suburbs or not, millions claim the D as their home. Home unfortunately holds different meaning depending on who you’re talking to.

To the well-to-do’s of suburbia Day-Twah, home is over sized, filled with things, managed by ‘help’ and provides comfortable places to slumber. To the middle class of The D, home may be tighter in space, yet still filled with things and provides a warm place to rest ones head at night. To the poor and needy, home may be an uncomfortable bed in a crowded shelter or a park bench in a lonely over grown park. Homelessness exists everywhere if you look for it, yet it cuts deeper knowing how close to home it is.

A group of people from my church, who are passionate about spreading Jesus’ love and hope to the hurting, started going down to Mack and 3rd every Sunday afternoon mid-summer. There, a group of homeless people wait outside of shelter known for crime, drugs and prostitution. Whether it’s staking out a place in front of the chain-linked fence, that guards the shelter or sitting on the curb of the three lane one-way street corner, this what home is to the people at Mack and 3rd. Getting to know their stories [Read some here by my talented friend Stefanie] and struggles, while creating community with them is what we are called to do. By meeting some minor and basic physical needs, while looking into their spiritual and comforting their emotional needs, we are able to spread Jesus’ message that is for EVERYONE. The message of hope, love, value, forgiveness, and healing.

When I think of Detroit I think of the potential it has as a thriving city. I believe that the Church, holds the key to hope and healing for a hurting City(ies) and its people. There is much potential that is just waiting to be revealed. A great up rising of restoration on this city can be possible only through Christ, and people trusting God will provide, protect and guide.

You're God of this city, you're the King of these people, you're
the Lord of this nation, you are...You're the Light in this darkness, you're the
Hope to the hopeless, you're the Peace to the restless, you are... For there is
none like our God, there is none like You, God! Greater things have yet to come,
and greater things are still to be done here.

Senior Photos

Currently editing some senior photos.....
How I wish I had this much motivation during the day!

Time well spent

Over the summer while Up North I got up early one of the mornings we were there, to watch the sunrise. There I spent real time with God and quieted my own heart just to hear His heart. I can't tell you how refreshing our Savior can be. This needs to happen more often than not, because it really is time well spent.

+Being still
+Listening

+Waiting
+Seeking

+Praying

Beautiful Day

Earlier, I was driving to work from church and I could not believe what a beautiful day it iwas! Though the air is quite crisp, today is simply a gorgeous fall day! During my twenty-five minute journey, the car temperature read 45° the entire time, yet I felt it necessary to have the windows cracked with the heater blasting – strange I know.. All of the sudden I heard, “The heart is a bloom…” I knew this could only mean one thing, that U2’s, Beautiful Day was about to be blaring over my crackly radio speakers, and how fitting right?

taken from my phone...while swerving on the road :)

Today has been a Beautiful gift from God. I guess everyday is, but today especially. I have so much to be thankful for on this Beautiful Day, and yet so often I take so much for granted. In church today--one thing I am thankful for, my church--our pastor spoke on temptation, referencing Luke 4:1-13…it was of course a slap in the face. One of the points was “resist the temptation to take short cuts” (vs. 5-8) 5 The devil led him up to a high place and showed him in an instant all the kingdoms of the world. 6 And he said to him, "I will give you all their authority and splendor, for it has been given to me, and I can give it to anyone I want to. 7So if you worship me, it will all be yours." 8 Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Worship the Lord your God and serve him only." This is something that I tend to do so easily and is a honest struggle. Often, I believe the lies that Satan throws at me, and reach for the crown before I take the cross. I loved when my pastor said “short cuts abort the plan of God”, when I choose to take the short cuts, I am stalling the plan God has for me…taking the easy way out instead. My prayer for this week is that I would choose the cross before the crown, by NOT taking any short cuts – even if it means pain or persecution.

Well, that is one reason I have had a Beautiful Day…learning and growing in God can be so beautiful and I don’t want to miss any God given opportunities to do so. Now I am at work. One thing I actually really, really, really don’t like to be doing on Sundays is… working. But today I am trying to have a good attitude about it, because I am pretty thankful for the job I have. Okay now I just need to prayerfully pursue a Beautiful Week…even when my alarm clock does off at 6:30a, wish me luck.

THE I-HEART REVOLUTION:

We're All In This Together
Hillsong United's latest project is coming to a theatre near you! The next part to I-Heart Revolution is a feature film/documentary that will be screening in theatres across the country NOVEMBER 4! Check out the list of theatres to see which one is closest to you. + spread the word!!

Locations

theiheartfilm.com

I-Heart.org

Dear Life,

Why are you overwhelming me right now? In between school + work, it seems there is just too much of everything going on all at once. There isn't really a day during the week when I can ever just sit and be still. I am always doing homework, at work, in class, or trying to do homework. A lot of the time I feel like I can't get everything done, that needs to be done. When will you ever get exciting?! Instead of being all work and little play?

this photo [fall2006] makes me miss using
35 mm film + processing in a dark room.

I need to keep reminding myself that,
ALL things are possible.

I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed.

For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Romans 8

Remain // Ben Cantelon

The lyrics to the pre-chorus of this song have been ringing in my head all day! It is such an awesome reminder -- of a fact I so often forget -- how God is ALWAYS with us and REMAINS with us through the HIGHS and LOWS.

Defender of this heart
You loved me from the start
You never change

Through the highs and lows
As seasons come and go
You never fail

Day after day
Your love will remain
Faithful and true
You are good

*Keep Running...

God Disciplines His Sons

¹Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. ²Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. ³Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

⁴In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to

the point of shedding your blood. ⁵And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons:
"My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline,
and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
⁶because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."

⁷Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? ⁸If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. ⁹Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! ¹⁰Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. ¹¹No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, i

t produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
¹²Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees.

HEBREWS 12:1-12

Tonight, while spending time with God I came across Hebrews 12 ... this was the Post-It marking the passage that I so often forget to apply in my daily life. So many times I stop running (like this week)... I give up too easy, I walk. In an actual race (back in my Cross Country days..), our coach ALWAYS yelled, "Never stop running -- even if you have to just slow down your pace, NEVER stop running! Pick up those legs!" In reality (I hate to admit it) BUT when you are running a long distance and you begin to walk, from not being in shape -- it does indeed make your legs hurt even more than if you were to just simply slow down your pace to a jog. With Christ, when we 'walk' we are allowing Satan to slow us down, he doesn't want us to finish STRONG! When we slow down we give Satan the foot hold he desires. Slowing down amounts to us not spending time with God and letting our relationship with Christ dwindle. Yet when we continue to run with Gods strength, we are filled with JOY and PEACE ... we aren't ashamed for walking!! We don't live in SHAME or GUILT. When I would stop running during practice or a race I was left feeling ashamed and as though I had failed. God doesn't want us to go through life feeling like failures, he SO loves us that he sent his son to die, that HE could help us finish the race with HIS never ending POWER + GRACE + MERCY + LOVE! Christ wants to see us FINISH our race STRONG with out holding back .... RUNNING, SPRINTING to HIM alone. When we run to him our legs don't hurt as bad as they would from walking or slowing down with Satan. BUT when they do hurt, God is testing us to see if we have the will power to keep running through our trials, sufferings, or despair. The more you run and work out, the STRONGER you get, your legs no longer hurt or feel the burn -- in this case, after sting of sin -- that is guilt and shame. In Christ we don't experience a burn in our calves from walking, we find our STRENGTH to finish the race HE has set out for us. Will you join me and pick up those legs, get in shape + sprint for the finish line!?