neglect.

Bloggie, I'm so sorry for neglecting you over the past month or so. I'm slowly coming back. There is a lot to process. Things need to be processed, before they can be words on a page. Forgive me.

Love,
Courtney

final Thailand video update

Thailand team Finishes and is commissioned from YWAM Newcastle Media on Vimeo.

thailand video update 2

Thailand team- week 3+4 from YWAM Newcastle Media on Vimeo.

Thailand Update

Here are two quick videos that my team leader created...highlighting what our team has been doing over the past six weeks...Enjoy!

Video One
Video Two

thailand video update 1

Team Thailand Week 1 from YWAM Newcastle Media on Vimeo.

Thailand

No big deal, I'm in Thailand... it doesn't seem/feel real. But yes, this is my life right now!? We're wrapping up a mini-DTS this weekend. We've been helping a Karen YWAM base lead their mini-DTS. It's been so amazing. The students are amazing and eager to learn and know God. Each team member has had a chance to teach lectures, lead intercession, worship, and drama. This weekend we're being split into three teams and each going on a weekend long Outreach with the students to a village up the mountain, near the Karen YWAM base.

Pray that the students are open to the Holy Spirit leading them while they are on their Outreach. Some of the people in the villages we'll be going to may or may not have ever hear that Jesus loves them... pray for soft hearts and open ears.

1 Corinthians 2
And so it was with me, brothers and sisters. When I came to you, I did not come with eloquence or human wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God. For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weakness with great fear and trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power, so that your faith might not rest on human wisdom, but on God’s power.

We do, however, speak a message of wisdom among the mature, but not the wisdom of this age or of the rulers of this age, who are coming to nothing. No, we declare God’s wisdom, a mystery that has been hidden and that God destined for our glory before time began. None of the rulers of this age understood it, for if they had, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory. However, as it is written:

“What no eye has seen,
what no ear has heard,
and what no human mind has conceived”—
the things God has prepared for those who love him—

these are the things God has revealed to us by his Spirit.

The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. For who knows a person’s thoughts except their own spirit within them? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. What we have received is not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may understand what God has freely given us. This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, explaining spiritual realities with Spirit-taught words. The person without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God but considers them foolishness, and cannot understand them because they are discerned only through the Spirit. The person with the Spirit makes judgments about all things, but such a person is not subject to merely human judgments, for,

“Who has known the mind of the Lord
so as to instruct him?”

But we have the mind of Christ.

"Do you trust me?" - God.

(Isaiah 53-54) 53¹ Who has believed our message
and to whom has the arm of the LORD been revealed?
² He grew up before him like a tender shoot,
and like a root out of dry ground.
He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,
nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.
³ He was despised and rejected by mankind,
a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.
Like one from whom people hide their faces
he was despised, and we held him in low esteem.
⁴ Surely he took up our pain
and bore our suffering,
yet we considered him punished by God,
stricken by him, and afflicted.
⁵ But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
and by his wounds we are healed.
⁶ We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to our own way;
and the LORD has laid on him
the iniquity of us all. ⁷ He was oppressed and afflicted,
yet he did not open his mouth;
he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,
and as a sheep before its shearers is silent,
so he did not open his mouth.
⁸ By oppression and judgment he was taken away.
Yet who of his generation protested?
For he was cut off from the land of the living;
for the transgression of my people he was punished.
⁹ He was assigned a grave with the wicked,
and with the rich in his death,
though he had done no violence,
nor was any deceit in his mouth.
¹⁰ Yet it was the LORD’s will to crush him and cause him to suffer,
and though the LORD makes his life an offering for sin,
he will see his offspring and prolong his days,
and the will of the LORD will prosper in his hand.
¹¹ After he has suffered,
he will see the light of life and be satisfied;
by his knowledge my righteous servant will justify many,
and he will bear their iniquities.
¹² Therefore I will give him a portion among the great,
and he will divide the spoils with the strong,
because he poured out his life unto death,
and was numbered with the transgressors.
For he bore the sin of many,
and made intercession for the transgressors.















54 ¹ “Sing, barren woman,
you who never bore a child;
burst into song, shout for joy,
you who were never in labor;
because more are the children of the desolate woman
than of her who has a husband,”
says the LORD.
² “Enlarge the place of your tent,
stretch your tent curtains wide,
do not hold back;
lengthen your cords,
strengthen your stakes.
³ For you will spread out to the right and to the left;
your descendants will dispossess nations
and settle in their desolate cities.

⁴ “Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame.
Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated.
You will forget the shame of your youth
and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.
⁵ For your Maker is your husband—
the LORD Almighty is his name—
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;
he is called the God of all the earth.
⁶ The LORD will call you back
as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit—
a wife who married young,
only to be rejected,” says your God.
⁷ “For a brief moment I abandoned you,
but with deep compassion I will bring you back.
⁸ In a surge of anger
I hid my face from you for a moment,
but with everlasting kindness
I will have compassion on you,”
says the LORD your Redeemer.

Jeremiah 17:7-8

“But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.”

home stretch

We're almost done with our Lecture phase! Three more weeks until OUTREACH ... to Thailand!!

pray for the provision of the rest of my Outreach money...$1,800

my God is the God who provides.

faithful

“[Praise to the LORD] LORD, you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done wonderful things, things planned long ago.”

_ Isaiah 25:1

trust Me.

"If you want to walk on water, get out of the boat."

Trust Him. He wants you to walk on the water.

Playing Catch Up!

G’day Family & Friends!
Greetings from the Land Down Under! It has now been four weeks since I’ve made my home in sunny Newcastle Australia, therefore I thought it would be appropriate update you all! I’m going to let you know on what I am doing, how you can get involved and what the future holds.

Getting There.
After a teary farewell, I said bye to everyone, everything, and everywhere I know. I remember sitting at the gate waiting to board my connector flight literally thinking, “is this really happening? Am I seriously going to a different country by myself right now?” It was a very surreal experience to say the least. I remember getting a tingle in my nose as I saw Detroit fade below as the plane ascended. First flight I had a row to myself, second flight I slept, third flight I met up with a girl that I’m now in class with. God proved Himself faithful over and over again, through out my travel time.

My flight from Los Angeles to Sydney only had two empty seats on the entire flight. Somehow my new friend Kathryn and I managed to get seats right next to each other. It was a major blessing being able to have a companion on an eighteen-hour flight. We got to know each other quickly. We exchanged testimonies and life stories until we got our first of FIVE meals. As we ate our bland airplane food, we became friends with the passenger next to us. He was on his way to Hillsong College in Sydney, to study Worship Art, I love when God orchestrates situations like that! When we finally made it to Sydney, the airport was filled with friendly Aussie accents and bare feet!

After a two-hour drive North, we made it to the Newcaslte YWAM base! The base is located in an economically suffering suburb. The building itself was once a hostel that was built around a 1800’s style house, forming a massive compound of YWAMer’s. The YWAM base averages about eighty staff and students regularly. After getting “the tour” and settling in a bit, it literally felt like home. Everyone feels like long lost friends and family! The community makes you feel very welcome and comfortable.

Daily Grind.
After a week of orientations and get-to-know-you games, we were able to get into our daily schedule of the three-month lecture phase of DTS [Discipleship Training School]. We get up early in the morning head down to the warehouse [a giant warehouse a few blocks from our house of classrooms, meeting rooms and offices] for lectures, after a morning of lectures, we head back up to the house for lunch, after lunch everyone has a work duty to keep the house in order, after getting our jobs we eat family style dinner and go to more lectures.

Depending on the day of the week, we go out at night to practice what we’re learning in lecture. We either go into shopping malls to evangelize or serve homeless people sausage and talk to them about how much Jesus loves them. On Sunday’s a group of us lead an international church service at a local Baptist church, for local university students. After the service we eat lunch with the students and spend the afternoon getting to know them better. God has been teaching me to tear down the wall of timidity when it comes to talking to strangers and opening my eyes to the fact that no one should live with out not-knowing the Truth.

Lectures.
The lectures have been super challenging and compelling! I feel like I’ve been able to see and experience God in a whole new way. He has opened my eyes to the importance and urgency of reaching people for Him, what it really means to fulfill the great commission, and what quality quiet time with Him looks like. As a follow up to the lectures, we have questions that make us really examine God’s Word and our heart. We’re then assessed my one of the leaders on what we have learned or gained from the lectures.

Youth Street.
On the weekends the entire base works together to run Youth Street. Youth Street is a program that YWAM runs for local teenagers. The kids come to the warehouse every Saturday to rego [Aussie slang for registration], after rego, the youth is split into teams for various activities such as; surfing, music, dance, sports, and skating. The teams are designed to let the kids develop hobbies in a positive Christ centered atmosphere. After a few hours with their team, everyone comes back to the house for a picnic styled dinner, and Youth Street Live. Youth Street Live is a time of worship and preaching based towards the youth. A lot of the kids come from hurt backgrounds and tough family situation. Youth Street is an awesome way to reach out to the youth of Newcaslte for Christ!

How YOU Can Help.
As many of you know, after three months of Lecture and working with Youth Street, our team is going on Outreach for three months. For our Outreach, half of our group will be going to minister along the Australian coast for three week, before traveling to Brazil. The other team will be going to the Thailand and Burma boarder to minister to refugees. Our team will have the chance to reach people that may have never heard the powerful life-changing message of Jesus Christ.

Before I came on my DTS, I felt a strong calling towards Thailand; therefore I’ve told my staff that is where I feel God is calling me. We will not know our official teams until early next week, but be praying as the teams begin to prepare for each Outreach.

Coming here and not knowing where our Outreach would be has been a HUGE lesson in patience and trusting that God goes before me and knows where I’ll be going. As of right now, I still need $4,000 for the actual Outreach phase. God has certainly been faithful in providing the money I needed to get to Australia and I know that He will continue to provide what I need to leave Australia and ‘go into all nations’.

It is hard to express how THANKFUL I am for each of you and all of your support, whether prayerfully or financially. God has been so faithful during this season of my life, I know He is the Provider and will bless me with what I need.

If you’re interested in helping me financially, you can donate two ways:
1. Via www.ywamnow.com, check "Student Donation/Support" as payment type.
2. My PayPal account, donate to cfillmore@comcast.net

THANK YOU!

G'day!

I'm here ... I finally made it! It's been about a week...so I thought I would update or TRY to update.

random thoughts::
1. I underestimated how long I thought the flight was.
2. Australia is really hot.
3. YWAM is an amazing WORLDWIDE missions organization.
4. God is SO BIG.
5. Community is powerful.
6. New faces & places are good for the soul.
7. Expanding the Kingdom needs be our passion.
8. Skype makes me happy.
9. God has a purpose & plan for each of us.
10. We have to be intentional about relationships.

more to come.

"For we are God’s masterpiece. HE has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago."
Ephesians 2:10

peace out America.

Tomorrow my family is leaving me at the airport and I'm starting my 26+ hour trek to the land down under! God has been too good to me, to have blessed me with this opportunity. There are lots of mixed emotions; but I'm as ready as I think I can be :) pray for quick adjustment.

+ stay tuned for updates.

matthew 28:19 _ Therefore go and make disciples
of all nations, baptizing them in the name
of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.

it has a grip on me.

It's kind of, super late & I find myself harshly praying against all of these anxious thoughts, about the coming days/weeks/months... they are tightly holding me captive.

THEN I read this...

"Believe God is always the God you know Him to be when you are nearest to Him. Then think how unnecessary and disrespectful worry is! Let the attitude of your life be a continual willingness to “go out” in dependence upon God."

[side note: I LOVE that God chooses to speak RIGHT to us...at thee exact time we NEED to hear Him...if we would just fine tune our ears to hear Him more often :: guilty]

_ these worry/anxious thoughts are keeping me awake. plus I'm starting to feel like Abraham right about now...even though I know I'm physically going to Australia...I still feel like I don't truly know who/where/what/how/when I'm going to be used by God in the next 6 months.

"By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to the place which he would receive as an inheritance. And he went out, not knowing where he was going."
Hebrews 11:8

*an added bonus...

[This HIT me in the face]

"The end of a matter is better than its beginning [a.k.a. right now], and patience is better than pride."
Ecclesiastes 7:8

_ bottom line; God IS God & I am NOT. He IS the provider & I am NOT. Jesus chooses to see me, when I've been choosing not to see/find Him. Increasing of my faith + trust, WILL decrease my worry/anxious thoughts !!

mmm...it could be that none of this makes sense...they're just jumbled up words/thoughts/emotions that I needed to spout out. thanks for listening.

uh.

Uh, it's kind of funny how when you FINALLY have what you think you wanted [love/adventure/achievement], but you don't feel the way you thought you were supposed to feel...once you get to that point. what a let down, right?

...a calling starts to feel like a punishment and what was once a day-dream begins to feel like an obligation.

Uh, there's absolutely nothing in this entire world that will ever truly satisfy the human soul/being.

this world obviously has nothing for me. give me Jesus, that's all I need.

of course, I'm excited to travel to new places, meet new faces and follow/encounter God in CRAZY ways, I'm just realizing that even fulfilling dreams God set/blessed aside for me won't satisfy...only HE can truly satisfy.

here's to a bitter & sweet future.
I'm glad God's in control of it.
now I just have to simply
continue on, no turning back.

"You can never be the same after the unveiling of a truth [will/path/call on your life]. That moment marks you as one who either continues on with even more devotion as a disciple of Jesus Christ, or as one who turns to go back as a deserter."

h a p p y christmas.

“For to us a child is born...
HE will be c a l l e d
Wonderful Counselor,
Mighty God, Everlasting Father,
Prince of Peace.”
_ i s a i a h 9:6

*amazing Christmas Eve church service, quality time with friends + family, too much yummy food, many fab pressies, twinkle lights, J E S U S...feeling super BLESSED.

1993

Guest Post:

Stole this post from my twin lfillmore.

"For our third-annual Christmas get-together with my girls {babes, sisters...}, we got all dolled up & had a huge, delicious dinner together.

I love dressing up, I love dresses, I love wearing heels, I love putting make-up on, I love curling my hair, I love it. So its always exciting to get all dolled-up for dinner with some of my favorite girls. In years past we've gone out to eat all dressed up, but this year it was kind of sweet just dressing up to go over to Angela's.

After we ate & took pictures {of course}, we put our "cozy clothes" on, ate dessert, & started what turned into an almost four hour period of time of just sharing what God has been doing in our lives since the last time we all met {in this setting, last spring}

It was one of the best experiences I've ever had & will always remember. One by one, we all talked about God, our families, school, work, guys, friends, & everything else in-between, struggles, highs, lows, & weaknesses, but there was so much openness, honesty, & rawness. And there was a lot of tears & tissues, but also a lot of laughs. It was so great!


Once more & more of us started talking about our lives over the past few months, we started to see a trend or thread throughout each of our stories/updates that all kind of related to each other. It was so encouraging!

It's also just sweet to think back over the last few years that this group of girls have been together. We've all grown & matured SO much, its awesome. It's awesome that we have each other to share about what Gods doing in our lives with!

There was one point when we gathered around Angela & prayed over her. It was so great, she has prayed over us & for us so many times, it was so sweet to be able to come around her & pray over her!


When I left {at 2:30am} I felt so filled, so overwhelmed, and just feeling overly blessed once again by God's greatness in my life.

How did I get so blessed with such a rich sisterhood that I know I'll have around me for years to come!? I wish every girl could experience times like these & have a group of sisters like mine...

It was definitely a sweet early Christmas gift.."

way-to-go

Tonight was my very last lighthouse...until I come home from Australia in JUNE!! How weird is that!? It felt funny to think that I'm not going to be amongst that group of people for six whole months! This situation I find myself in of literally preparing to leave everything I know and love behind is very... sad, exciting, nerve racking and rejuvenating -- all at the same time.

Of course Cliff's message was exactly what I needed to hear & the worship was exactly what my heart needed. The message was on b e i n g the Church, through discipleship & fellowship. Um, HELLO!! That's EXACTLY what I am going to do!? God is so cool in working things out, eh?!

As followers of Christ we're called to be disciples and to disciple others. Discipleship and fellowship go hang in hand, it involves investing and wanting to pour into anothers life.

Then he spoke about how as the body of Christ we're to do our part to expand the kingdom...in turn, creating disciples and a need for fellowship. We're to go to go the ends of the earth, making disciples, baptizing them in the Holy Spirit! It doesn't matter what our vocation is, if we're a follower of Christ, we're supposed to go the ends of where ever we're at...and that's exactly what I will be doing in three very short weeks. Actually going to the ends of the earth, as a disciple and to disciple...creating fellowship to expand the Kingdom :)

It was crazy how Cliff's message was just confirming that what I'm about take on this January is "from him and through him and to him ". I love how God uses others to speak directly to us! Tonight was such a great way-to-go.

Said Too Much.

I am currently at work
& FRUSTRATED.
ugh! ew. gross.

Let's be honest, working at this giant, cold, multi-million dollar, affluent neighbor-hood library; I've come across my fair share of arrogant, slimy, old men.... those three words describe most, if not all the men that live around here exactly. They are arrogant, because they actually think that the world revolves around them and that their needs are of higher priority than anyone else, they are constantly stuck on a high horse. They are slimy, because they make remarks that are straight up SLIMY...sometimes on the borderline of being considered sexual harassment and are constantly just plain annoying and difficult. They are old... well, because they are old, usually pressing upon early 50's to later 60's.

They, them, those, men -- wait, they aren't even men, that's not how any man should act -- think it's okay to raise their voice at yours truly & speak harshly to me! In my two point five years that I've worked here, it's happened mmm... a hand full of times. SOMETHING, something really simple doesn't go their way or they are having trouble understanding directions and then, they GO OFF! BOOM. Like a dynamite. They lose control of their words and act like fools.

Okay, so now you kind of understand what kind of person I'm talking about...my most recent encounter with one of these fine tax payers, just twenty minutes ago, really made me think about just HOW important our words truly are!! ... read on

Example, just now -- there were four grown men, meeting in a study room with only two chairs... therefore, they did the logical thing, grabbed two other chairs from the computer desks & rolled them into the study room.

Problem is, it's against our Library's fire code & policy to bring extra chairs into a study room. I had already mentioned that to the main guy, before the others had gotten there and he agreed and was cordial... then acts like a five year old [or just arrogant] and goes [when I'm not looking] and rolls extra chairs into the study room, AFTER I JUST told him he couldn't do that?! Is he five?! Seriously.

I see this interaction, of the chair being misplaced and swiftly, yet composed walk over to the study room & open the door. Tell them that they can't bring extra chairs in and kindly remind the main guy that I JUST TOLD him that. The main guy -- a Library regular, knows the rules, and just heard me say 15 minutes prior that chairs couldn't be moved around -- stands up and just starts going at it, yelling [mind you, we're in a freaking LIBRARY] about how they are in a very important meeting and that I'm disturbing them and that they work for the county and pay taxes so they should be able to do what they want... on, and on, and on....

In between this not-so-manly man's rage, I suggested NICELY [I'm getting paid really well & have no other option, but to be nice...plus it's the right thing to do, right?] that he was MORE THAN WELCOME to switch rooms with other patrons, if he could find patrons willing to switch. I went over asked two ladies to switch rooms with them and the man and his embarrassed, yet spin-less friends went on with their snowy day.

At this point I am FUMING! The rage filling inside me seriously changed how I felt physically. All because a stranger spoke harshly and disrespectfully to me. I sat at my desk with a tingly nose wanting to cry. I kept thinking, if only my dad was here to yell back at them...I'm also pretty sure steam was coming out of my ears.

All of that to say...

Even if I sound like my mom, "it's not what we say, it's how we say it"

You have NO idea what kind of effect words and tones have on people...of course no one is perfect and people mess up, but this is definitely something we ALL should work on. HELLO, people :: angry tones and harsh words can change someones entire day in an instant, like that disgusting man just changed mine.

Lessons learned after today's little FIASCO:
1. keep your tongue from evil.
2. slimy, arrogant, old men are not truly men.

THE END.

re: post // one year ago

"... this can only equate to God moving & stirring my life up.
God DOES move in mysterious ways.
When we open our eyes, heart, and mind--He mysteriously moves in."

I LOVE that God has proven himself faithful over this past year...He molded, shaped and redefined my heart to ready me for the next chapter of my life. I love being able to look back and now realize what the mysterious ways were leading up to!

Is this real life?

All of the major details are taken care of,
e x c e p t for the last one ...

Lets review:
Pray about it... check
Talk to my parents about it... check
Apply to YWAM... check '
Worry about it... check
Apply for passport... check
Apply for visa... check
Pray more about it... check
Receive passport... check
Receive visa... check
Buy health insurance... check
Procrastinate... check
Cry about it... check
Change plans & go in Jan instead of Oct... check
Write support letters... check
Make prayer cards... check
Worry some more... check
Stress about it... check
Pray some more... check
Cry some more... check
Send out support letters & prayer cards... check
Plan a fundraiser... check
Fill out resignation forms at work... check
Book flight... check
Get to Australia... _______

GOD is so faithful.
GOD is so good.
GOD is so providing.
GOD is so protective.

Honestly, so far nothing about getting to THIS point of my journey has been easy... but GOD has remained so constant! It's been hard, tiring, painful, scary, and intimidating -- and now I'm this close and God has proven His strength, by getting me past all the hurdles it took to get here. I can't believe this is real life?! I'm going to Australia for three months & around the world for another three months... God is crazy!

Certainty vs. Uncertainty

Being certain of anything is comforting.
–adjective
free from doubt or reservation; confident

Being uncertain of anything is scary.
–adjective
not confident, assured, or free from hesitancy

Certainties:
1. Christian
2. Fillmore
3. American
4. Twin
5. Truth

Uncertainties:
1. Persecution
2. Valleys
3. Mistakes
4. Job loss
5. Risk
6. Life
7. Marriage
8. Children
9. People
10. The World

Even though the uncertainties out number the certainties, they can never out weigh them. The weight that our certainties carry, surpasses ALL and any uncertainty we may face. These past few days, I've been examining the direction my life is heading at present... much of it feels uncertain. Therefore, I'm so glad I serve a God that chose, to cover my uncertainties with HIS certainty!

full of thanks.

Since it happens to be thanksgiving tomorrow, I thought it would be appropriate to spout off what I'm thankful for.



"[Spiritual Fullness in Christ] So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with
t h a n k f u l n e s s.” -Colossians 2:6-7




family;
dad-- providing, sense of humor, protection, caring, strength, health, similarities.
mom-- nurturing, advice, wisdom, caring, protection, discipline, example.
sister 1-- inspiration, wisdom, creativity, independence, outlook.
sister 2-- sharing, closeness, friendship, creativity, similarities.
brother 1-- sense of humor, similarities, dedication.
brother 2-- innocence, driven, humbleness.

church;
Christ-centered pastors, mentors, speaking, fellowship, & worship. facilities, provision, driven, authenticity, passionate, missions minded, generational-ly friendly.

life;
friends, family, opportunity, breath, second chances, lessons, mistakes, freedom, work, play, education, food, clean water, toiletries, technology, medical care, abundance.