Not Alone - Red

I am sitting at Starbucks...usual morning occurrence, thanks to sharing a car! As I am listening to this song and watching stranger after stranger walk through the door for their morning coffee, I can't help but want to stand on my chair and explain to everyone that it doesn't matter what their story is or where life currently finds them... they are not alone... there is hope! I want that to be the prayer of everyone I see at Starbucks today... God open their eyes to see/find Your hope, let them be strong and courageous today!

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. // Deuteronomy 31:6

Now what?

I applied to Moody...again.
Round two. Deja Vu of my senior year of high school. It's kind of cool to think about how different my application essays are from almost FOUR years ago. I would not change anything about the last three years. Life has been exactly how God wanted it to. I met the people I needed to meet, saw the places I needed to see, and experienced God in ways I will never forget. The amount of growth that has happened in my heart is pretty crazy. To think of what God has allowed me to experience since 2008 is nuts! So now what? Time for the waiting game! Wait & trust God knows what He's doing.

With Us - Hillsong Live

I heard this song last night and now I can't stop listening to it...one thing about music and myself is that, once I hear a song I love, I tend to over-play the song at an excessive amount OR until I find something else I love. Today I will over-play this track...it's a weird cycle I have when it comes to my iPod. Listen to this song and you will want to over-play it too! It is exactly the kind of reminder of God's grace/love/mercy/plan for me I need this morning...!

full on.

Random rant time... After an almost two month long post-traveling-escape-from-real-life-siesta... I am now employed full time. It's an office job, which I love & the work is not that difficult or grueling, but it's the schedule that I can't handle!! It is so FULL ON... early mornings & 5 o'clock traffic! I really don't understand how parents work full time!? When I come home I don't want to do anything... I just want to go to sleep as soon as possible! It is hard to fathom adding other responsibilities to this kind of schedule... especially other humans! So yeah, I guess I should start praying that I don't have to work like this, when I have my own family. All that to say, this schedule is forcing me to maintain a healthy sleeping schedule, making me super THANKFUL for BOTH of my parents who work hard to provide for our fam and especially thankful that my mom didn't have to work while I was growing up :) Now go give your parents a hug... because they work long hours, so you can have MORE than you need in life!!

loving this song tonight.
Brandon Heath, The Light In Me

YOU are worth dying for.

At work today we were listening to K-LOVE ... I tend to harp on how cheesy some CCM is ... but I have to say that the lyrics of the song, Someone Worth Dying For by MIKESCHAIR are pretty gripping/raw/what-we-think-sometimes-deep-down... if I'm being honest, it is hard to truly believe that we (I ) are (am) actually worth dying for.

Take a listen and CHOOSE to believe that YOU are something worth dying for.




You might be the wife,
Waiting up at night
You might be the man,
Struggling to provide
Feeling like it's hopeless

Maybe you're the son,
Who chose a broken road
Maybe you're the girl,
Thinking you'll end up alone
Praying God can you hear me?
Oh God are you listening?

Am I more than flesh and bone?
Am I really something beautiful?
Yeah, I wanna believe, I wanna believe that
I'm not just some wandering soul
That you don't see and you don't know
Yeah I wanna believe, Jesus help me believe that I
Am someone worth dying for

I know you've heard the truth that God has set you free
But you think you're the one that grace could never reach
So you just keep asking, what everybody's asking

Am I more than flesh and bone?
Am I really something beautiful?
Yeah, I wanna believe, I wanna believe that
I'm not just some wandering soul
That you don't see and you don't know
Yeah I wanna believe, Jesus help me believe that I
Am someone worth dying for

You're worth it, you can't earn it
Yeah the Cross has proven
That you're sacred and blameless
Your life has purpose

And you are more than flesh and bone
Can't you see you're something beautiful
Yeah you gotta believe, you gotta believe
He wants you to see, He wants you to see
That you're not just some wandering soul
That can't be seen and can't be known
Yeah you gotta believe, you gotta believe that you
Are someone worth dying for

You're someone worth dying for
You're someone worth dying for

photos

Thailand Outreach Photo Slide from clf815 on Vimeo.

aching for Thailand

After calling Thailand home for three months, when I start to think about it
I can't help but REALLY miss it! Today I was missing things like...



customs lines. smoggy sun rises. meeting missionary families. passing out Thai Bibles. an elephant ride. shady internet cafes. laundromats. fitting 18 people in the bed of a pick up truck. skype calls. running around the Chaing Mai moat, early enough to see the monks collecting the offering from the shrines. eating rice for all three meals. grocery shopping at 7-11 and Tesco. the colors and smells of the markets. language barriers. bad coffee, but good enough. baht. church services on the cement floor of an four wall church. Karen grandma's. being offered fanta in a dirty plastic cup. battery powered house electricity. nick names. cold showers, even if hot was an option. mountains. hand motions. song-tow adventure rides. learning. growing. sleeping in a bamboo hut. hospitality. sights and sound of the Burma & Thai border. alive churches. worship in Thai. lights & sights of Bangla Road. putting Satan in his place, before going into the bars. seeing the look on a refugee/orphan's face when she was told she was beautiful. living simply. being the minority/sticking out. roof top worship. sweaty bus rides. crowded streets. torrential rain. smoothies. long church services. the kids. trying to teach English in a creative way. walks to the corner hut for mystery snacks. speaking in church services with translators. bug bites. playing UNO with sponsored kids. MANGO. bucket showers with chickens and pigs. Starbucks for bar ministry intercessions. being faithful in the little. the sight of Phuket from a plane window. live monkey's. secret beaches. hill tribes. motor bikes. street vendors. fashion. uni students. the lady at the cafeteria bakery. wild dogs. won gen. hiking backpacks. seeing so many white tourist men. plastic chairs. Sa-wat-dee Ka / kob-khun Ka. culture sensitivity. trying and trying again to use chop sticks. avoiding spice. seems crackers. bumpy bus rides. seeing God move in Thailand.

that. is. Thailand.

cliché

God's timing IS perfect! These types of statements are unfortunately so cliche now-a-days. When we are going through a trial/hardship/valleys our sound minded friends tell us that His timing is perfect...everything happens for a reason...if it is meant to be, it will be. If we're being honest, we would say it crosses our minds to pop them a good one in the face for telling you 1,000,000x those flipping cheery/encouraging/positive statements!! When we are going through the hard times our vision is blurred. Satan places his smug in front of our eyes and we're blinded to see that God's timing IS perfect.

Two months ago this week: I staggered off of a plane, jet lagged, over dressed and hacking up a lung. Of course I came back with life changing stories, perspective and God-sightings...but I also had no job to come back to, twisted ambitions, $4.00 in my bank account and credit card debt. It seems petty to think that after God literally HANDED me $10,000 in the matter of 6 months.. it seems RIDICULOUS that I would doubt that God would provide for me once I settle back into life in Michigan.

Right when I got home Satan KNEW where & when I would give in... therefore he prowled like lion... I would give into doubting and get upset with God for not giving me a job when I, thought I needed a job. I went into almost every coffee shop, clothing store, library, and small offices handing out my resume...nothing. I spent time calling businesses asking what the status of my application was...nothing. I went into interviews with positive self-talk and Matt Redman's new track Never Once on loop...BELIEVING that God would give me a job...still nothing! How irritating...in my human mind I told myself I had reason to be upset and frustrated, instead of simply waiting.The past two months... I've certainly learned to wait, appreciate solitude, trust more, live simply, and that you can have fun on virtually zero cash :)

In my lessons learned God DID, of course provide me with a job, at American Eagle...paying 7.50, only if I could get a hang of forcing people to buy over priced holey jeans. I went with it, knowing a job was a job...even though I STILL wasn't satisfied. I went to orientation and went home knowing retail was not for me. I seemed like a brat for not appreciating FINALLY having a job, but I really sensed God has more for me than selling graphic tee's. I got a lead on two admin jobs and had a promising interview with Urban Outfitters... brings me to today, I got a part time admin job that pays more and in general suits me more. I called American Eagle and told them I was thankful for their opportunity but wouldn't need their job any more.

He hears what you want,
but knows what you need.

After a year of God CLEARLY proving He does indeed have perfect timing... I can now tell YOU that whatever it is that you are going through right now -- whether minor/insignificant or unbearable/too much -- God's timing IS perfect, He WILL see you through and He WILL remain faithful ... and I'm not trying to be cliché!

Psalm 94:18-19

“When I said, “My foot is slipping,” your unfailing love, LORD, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.”

Gotta Get Moving.

Am so PROUD! We are doing what we can to get physically fit ...
leading us to be more disciplined spiritually and emotionally.
The three go hand in hand! So we gotta get moving!!

birthday

family. sweet friends. pressies. twin brunch. lunch. dinner. dessert. coffee. the gym. praying for 22+ more.

M.A.S.H.

One hot Australian summer night this past March, my friend Sarah and I sat around a table filling out countless M.A.S.H. games on scratch paper for our girlfriends. One by one as a girl said "stop" to the line markings; we would ordain marriages, sell homes, deliver babies, give out pets, and decide the future of our friends. We sat there getting our friends hopes up or ruining dreams. It was all fun and games until you were the girl stuck married to Santa Clause, with 9 kids, a pet giraffe, driving a clown car and living in an Apartment.

The other night at watershed Bekah had us play M.A.S.H., this time it was a little nicer...we got to choose the potential husbands, number of kids, pet, cars, and then prayed we would land with the Mansion or House.

Bekah had us start the night with an elementary game, to display the not so elementary danger of unrealistic/unreachable expectations we set on relationships. The expectations we set on this game are the same expectation we set on how we approach dating/marriage relationships. We cannot set expectations too high on any human relationship, for one reason...we are humans! We often think if we could just date this guy or marry that guy we would have a this fairy tale perfect life. Humans are broken and imperfect, therefore making every human relationship broken and imperfect. The only truly fulfilling, one-sided perfect, relationship we can have on this earth is with the Creator of the universe. Therefore, our perfect husband, perfect best friend, or perfect life will always fall short of our expectations. So... lets lose the expectations! It is not fair to the other person to have such high expectations on them anyways, it is too much pressure for someone to constantly be living under.

Godly relationships flourish when we realize that no one is perfect, including ourselves. When you are willing to love someone else without conditions...keeping in mind that they are human and will mess up here and there...it is in the "mess-ups", when our unconditional love for them is tested. How will we react when the other person does not meet our ridiculous expectations? Will we kick 'em to the curb!? Mmm no...maybe we should learn to admit what we might have done to cause the situation, learn to forgive and move on... in love with out conditions.

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.
Romans 12.9-12

This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.
1 John 3:16

This song came on when I was writing...

I'm convinced this song will never get old and
that I will always need to hear it as a reminder,
thanks Bethany Dillon!

Psalm 27 (MSG)

1 Light, space, zest— that's God!

So, with him on my side I'm fearless,
afraid of no one and nothing.

2 When vandal hordes ride down
ready to eat me alive,
Those bullies and toughs
fall flat on their faces.

3 When besieged,
I'm calm as a baby.
When all hell breaks loose,
I'm collected and cool.

4 I'm asking God for one thing,
only one thing:
To live with him in his house
my whole life long.
I'll contemplate his beauty;
I'll study at his feet.

5 That's the only quiet, secure place
in a noisy world,
The perfect getaway,
far from the buzz of traffic.

6 God holds me head and shoulders
above all who try to pull me down.
I'm headed for his place to offer anthems
that will raise the roof!
Already I'm singing God-songs;
I'm making music to God.

7-9 Listen, God, I'm calling at the top of my lungs:
"Be good to me! Answer me!"
When my heart whispered, "Seek God,"
my whole being replied,
"I'm seeking him!"
Don't hide from me now!

9-10 You've always been right there for me;
don't turn your back on me now.
Don't throw me out, don't abandon me;
you've always kept the door open.
My father and mother walked out and left me,
but God took me in.

11-12 Point me down your highway, God;
direct me along a well-lighted street;
show my enemies whose side you're on.
Don't throw me to the dogs,
those liars who are out to get me,
filling the air with their threats.

13-14 I'm sure now I'll see God's goodness
in the exuberant earth.
Stay with God!
Take heart. Don't quit.
I'll say it again:
Stay with God.

my prayer: spend it all

"We are not here to prove that God answers prayer, but to be living trophies of God’s grace" - Ossy Chambers

I open up my eyes, oh Lord / To see all the things you've done / I open up my heart, oh God / To feel your unfailing love / And I open up my all to you / All my life for your glory to show / And I open up my soul to you alone / Come make yourself at home

And I'll give all that I have to give / 'Cause it's everything I am, Lord / In this life I'll spend it all for you / I'll waste it all on you

I offer up my mind to you / I long for the truth, you know / I offer up my feet to you / They'll walk straight on the path you show / I offer up my time to you / So keep me and hold me still / And I offer up my hands to you / Lord, use them to do your will

And I'll give all I have left to give / 'Cause it's everything I am, Lord / In this life I'll spend it all for you / Yeah, I'll waste it all on you / I'll waste it all

Let your Spirit take me over, God / 'Cause it's all I ever need / Yeah, you're all I ever need, Lord / And receive this life in offering, God / 'Cause I spend it all for you / Yes, I spend it all for you, Lord / Ooh, I spend it all on you

My new theme song? I think yes.

label.ed

God is speaking to me a lot about L A B E L S .
First it was last week, in Nashville with our WSM students. Jerry did a really meaningful message on the labels that we believe about ourselves or labels that others put on us that we believe. Then last night at watershed we talked about our identity in Christ and how our only identity should be in Christ. Then this afternoon I was listening to a podcast that was all about labels and getting a new name for ourselves!! God orchestrates everything in our lives, so I know it's not a coincidences that all of this labeling stuff keeps coming up. I believe God is calling ME to look at the labels I've put on myself and believed about myself, or the labels that I've allowed others to put on me.

It's time for me to recognize the labels and pull them off. I'm tired of walking through life believing lies about myself. I just want to be known as God's... that's the only label I want to wear. Actually Cliff's message on Sunday was about following God and not looking at anyone else, keeping our eyes focused just on Christ...HELLO...that's what I want/need to do! Who cares what people have said about me in the past, who cares what I've believed about myself...I'm a NEW creation in Christ Jesus, the old has gone & the NEW has come...HE gave me a new name...the only label I want is that I am HIS.

...you shall be called by a new name which the mouth of the Lord shall name. // Isaiah 62:2

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! // 2 Corinthians 5:17

SHE is

...somebody's baby.

Phuket, Thailand : Bangla Rd.

This is the entrance to Bangla Rd, near Patong Beach. A closed street oozing with bars, women, tourists, fake designer things, tuk tuk's, curiosity, loud music, flashing lights, crowded walk ways, lust, drinks, drunks, shamefulness, brokenness, + searching.

Jon Foreman's song Somebody's Baby is about a homeless girls journey, filled with searching & always coming up empty...concluding that no matter where SHE has been or what SHE has done; SHE is still somebody's baby. SHE is the child of someone. SHE is the little girl, daughter, or sister of someone.

The lyrics remind me a lot of the women I met on Bangla Road. Each night we would go into the bars, buy a pop, and talk to our friends behind the bars, over a game of connect four or jenga.

No matter what their story is, where they have been, what they have done or seen, where they have come from or who they were with...they are somebody's baby still.

SHE is and will always be somebody’s baby. SHE is a child of the Most High. SHE is the prodigal daughter, wanting to come home and doesn't want to be homeless any more. SHE longs for love. SHE thinks money and the attention of a man will fulfill her void. SHE has dreams. SHE wants freedom. SHE searches and never finds.

SHE is not an object; SHE is a living, breathing human being. SHE is worth far more than rubies. Right now SHE has deceptive charm and fleeting beauty, longing to be restored. SHE is clothed with strength and dignity; SHE can laugh at the days to come.
[proverbs thirty-one]

SHE needs to embrace her daughter-hood. SHE needs to find refuge in her Father. SHE needs to run to His arms. SHE needs to come home, the only place where she will search and truly find.

pray, pray, pray & pray again
for the daughters on Bangla Road...

Somebody's Baby

photo credit ::
Elesha Atwood &Janie Giebelhaus

freedom from fear.

I can't...but HE can

Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

Take delight in the LORD,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:

He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn,
your vindication like the noonday sun.

Be still before the LORD
and wait patiently for him;

do not fret when people succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.
Psalm 37:3-7

---

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.
John 10:10

stop pushing my buttons.!

Satan is pushing ALL of my buttons right now... I feel hopeless, confused, anxious, uncertain, tired, agitated and annoyed. It's hard to go from the top of a mountain to the bottom of the valley. I'm at such a weird vulnerable state right now, one that I've never really experienced in my adult life. I literally do nothing during the day, I have no job, I have no money to go anywhere or do anything...I have to ask my parents for money or they give me a few bucks out of pity... I hate it! I hate feeling & living life like this! I go for a run or a bike ride every morning & wonder how & why my life looks like this!? I seriously ponder what life would be like if I had never left my comfy life in the first place...this time last year I was living on my own, had money in my bank account, and had a generally fun life. Life isn't fun right now...it sucks! I need Your help Jesus...I'm being attacked and I'm allowing Satan to win!? What's wrong with me...help me! I had so much purpose .. meaning .. identity while I was in Australia and Thailand...why is it SO hard to find those things in "real life"?! Maybe I'm just having a bad day...maybe I'm hormonal....maybe God's trying to teach me something & I'm blatantly ignoring the lesson...maybe I'm a brat...what ever it is, I need God to lift me out of this pit I fell into. Jesus keep my head up & push me into the narrow gate, because I need L I F E again...You never said this would be easy.

"Enter by the narrow gate...Because narrow is the gate and
d i f f i c u l t   i s   t h e   w a y   w h i c h   l e a d s   t o   l i f e"
—Matthew 7:13-14

speaking t r u t h

While I was in Phuket, Thailand I had the opportunity to go into bars every night and speak t r u t h into the bar tenders lives. Depending on the situation it was just complimenting their make-up, telling them that they CAN dream big, or simply offering some sort of hope.

I remember talking to a girl on the other team over a bowl of cereal, about how important it is to speak raw t r u t h into our new friends lives, but not just our new friends...but all women. Women often struggle with their identity and confidence...so why not encourage the women in your life?! Ask the Holy Spirit to give you the words to speak over them...even if it feels awkward, say it & mean it! Really speak t r u t h into the life of someone around you...it could change their day, their week, their life. Every girl wants a gem // nugget of encouragement...so start today !!

"...let our lives lovingly express truth [in all things, speaking truly, dealing truly, living truly]." Eph 4:15 AMP

swing swing

Today I took the little boy I babysit for to the park. We went on the swings. I don't remember the last time I swung on a swing, but I loved it! [minus the slight headache that followed] The more & more I pumped, the higher & higher I got...the higher the swing swung, the whiter my knuckles got. I had the tightest grip on those chains. There was no way I could have slipped off that seat.

Why didn't I want to fall off the swing? Because it would hurt, it would be uncomfortable, it MIGHT be fun, and it would definitely involve risk. Okay wow, that's what I want my life to be like! I want to jump off the swing! That's how YOUR life should be! Don't waste your life by holding on to the chains of the swing...let go of the chains that are holding you back & live a risk filled life! Live life full of faith... faith that assures your jump off the swing, will be successful...no matter the outcome! We serve a God that wants us to step forward in faith, it's going to involve jumping off the swing....it starts with me.

"let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and
with the full assurance that faith brings... Let us
hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he
who promised is faithful." hebrews 10:22-23

Chaing Mai

I wrote this update for the YWAM Newie website, while we were in Chaing Mai...

The past four weeks our team has been in Chiang Mai working with a unique ministry called the Centre. The Centre teaches English to university students, their focus is to bring students to Christ through building solid relationships. Thailand is a predominately Buddhist nation, therefore most of our students are not believers. We have been able to spend time getting to know our students in and out of the classroom setting, giving them a sense of value and belonging. Through the relationships we have built, we have had chances to share who Jesus is with our students. Here we have been responsible for getting our students plugged in with the Centre so they can come to know Jesus as their personal Savior, be mentored and discipled.

This type of ministry has taught us how to be faithful in the little. It would be easy for us to get discouraged because we aren’t seeing salvation’s every night. We are constantly reminding ourselves that it is okay to simply be building relationships with the students; by getting dinner with them after class, meeting them for coffee, or doing touristy things with them on the weekends. God commands us to love our neighbors as ourselves and that’s what we are doing.

Being faithful in the little for our team has been things like teaching English enthusiastically, not being shy about telling our students why we are in Thailand, being intentional about praying before meals or just by talking about our God like a Friend. In Luke 16:10 it says, “Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much.” Our team knows that God has huge things ahead for each of us because we have been faithful in the little things here in Chiang Mai. Whether it is in our next phase down in Phucket, or when we get home from our DTS, we are choosing to be faithful in little, until God decides to give us more!

Besides teaching English in Chiang Mai, we have had various other ministry opportunities including teaching Sunday school, leading worship, practical work and prayer walks. Our prayer walks are not your average prayer walks, we pray before we walk, while we walk, and after we walk. We take time to hear from God before going out into the westernized-tourist-filled markets. After some time of hearing God, we share back and go do/say whatever God tells us. It is like a “spiritual scavenger hunt”! We seek out people or areas we feel God is leading us to and pray over them or encourage. The other night we were out and a group of us talked to a man for two hours who was selling suits about his life, God and praying in his own language. Another group was able to encourage a nearly full term pregnant vendor, who sits at the market all day trying to sell extravagant-hand-made soap to support herself and her family. The people of Chiang Mai are thirsty for something more out of life and we are stoked to have the opportunity to share some Living Water with them!

Video update from Chaing Mai...

Make Us Ready - Harvest Bashta

neglect.

Bloggie, I'm so sorry for neglecting you over the past month or so. I'm slowly coming back. There is a lot to process. Things need to be processed, before they can be words on a page. Forgive me.

Love,
Courtney

final Thailand video update

Thailand team Finishes and is commissioned from YWAM Newcastle Media on Vimeo.