life is strange right now.
a lot of situations are making
me wonder or think about things.
life is changing and decisions are being made.
God is still good and He is the God that p r o v i d e s ...
well summer is almost over, classes start soon
- still praying about potential job opportunities
life is going quickly........
pray & seek
patiently.

---

random summer re-caps:

So I go to a fairly large 'mega church' as the kids say, anyway so we have enough kids to have our own sleep away camp - which is sweet, not a lot of churches have enough resources to do that. Since I love camp, I volunteered to counsel for the week of camp...it was so much work I don't even know how people do that for entire summers..it was crazy, God taught me a lot and I loved all of the girls in my cabin - so many stories and funny moments that I won't ever forget, good times were had in northern Michigan!

I became a mom for a week...literally. My father, mother, and twin sister went on a missions trip. Leaving me, my two younger brothers and my older sister who worked all night shift so I could work during the day...so my week consisted of getting up too early, going to nanny and coming home to my brothers...we had some good times - we ate out a lot because by the end of the day I was not feeling the whole cooking scene...then by the end of the week it was just me and the boys because my sister and her friend biked to Jackson [about a hour & half drive]

Other random times included; girl talk...the talk you can't talk with anyone else...countless hours spent drinking coffee at rams horn till the wee hours of the night [a local diner that is open 24/7 & our friends own it...so it's clean and the service is good], raining walks through downtown Detroit, amazing time of prayer and worship, my 19th birthday, random bikes rides, turning over new leafs, going up to Lake Ann for the weekend [my second home], going to short & sweet wedding ceremonies, Mexican dance parties, spending more time at the beach, long drives and good talks...

sing-a-long

*go download Phil Wickhams
live album for FREE here.

CAMP BARNABAS

God has blessed me with one of the most memorable
& life changing summers of my life.*

Life is going by so fast at this time in my life and I feel okay with it. Earlier in July me and a team of 30 students and leaders headed down to the small almost none existent town of Purdy Missouri. Purdy might not have a huge population of citizens, but it has an amazing camp that has a lot of heart. We arrived at Camp Barnabas after staying the night in Lafayette Indiana...a whopping 13 hour drive all together, there were some good conversations and to much fast food. Side note, Camp Barnabas is a camp that offers a normal week at camp to kids with special needs, ranging from emotional disorders, chronic illnesses or down syndrome. Each week specializes in different areas, so one week every camper may be in a wheel chair. The week we were apart of specialized in kids dealing with chronic illness, life threatening disease and emotional disorders. Going into this I honestly was thinking how easy it would be, and that just because our campers wouldn't be in wheelchairs that it would be a piece of cake...I was wrong. God opened my eyes in ways I never thought possible. HE showed me joy displayed by children that only ever knew sickness, despair and pain of needles or treatments. HE showed me to truly see beauty from pain and to embrace the time we have here, because it can leave us sooner than we think. Everything I learned were things I knew in my hear but had never been able to experience first hand. In my cabin there were seven different girls ages 6-10 and they each had their own story of pain, healing and hope. Emily, the most adorable talkative 7 year old had bipolar and other emotional disorders from past physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. Abby, Emily's younger sister, the sweetest, most cuddly, 6 year old had Cystic Fibrosis and emotional disorders. Hope, the most outgoing, loving, craziest 35 lb. 7 year old had HIV AIDS. Courtney, didn't only have a sweet name, she had the kindest spirit and was always smiling and she was a 8 year old burn victim. Sydney was the most brilliant, smarter than me, and sarcastic which I loved, and at only 10 years old had just had a brain tumor removed earlier this year. Bethany was my 'priority camper' so where she went I went (and the other campers also had their own individual counselor). Bethany happened to be a 'sibling' (Camp Barnabas is offered to the siblings of those suffering, to give the parents a little break) of another camper with hemophiliac....therefore she was perfectly healthy and physically okay, that didn't mean she didn't need to be loved on though. She was the most timid, to herself, but sweetest 8 year old I have ever met, and by the end of the week was one of the most outgoing campers. The last camper was Aerial, also 8 years old and a tad timid at first but had a sweet, kind and caring demeanor.

Each camper was different, had different needs, wants, thoughts, niches, but each had over-wealming joy about life, even though some of them could be cut short soon. These campers taught me how to appreciate the little things in life, that the small things do matter, that people and relationships do matter and that even in the hardest, darkest times of life there is always a glimpse of hope, joy, peace, and love - Jesus. This experience showed me that when I have a bad attitude about things that in the end don't matter, I think of these girls who have life a lot harder than a spoiled, ungrateful 18 year old. Wow, God does amazing things through people and through life. He orchestrates life in the most perfect ways. God is doing amazing things at Camp Barnabas, it is blessing and changing so many lives.

what's new

update......it's been awhile
my life is getting to busy,
but not the point where
I'm not enjoying myself..

I have been working almost everyday & hanging out on weekends and nights, leaving little time to take it all in. this weekend I did two service project type things with my church, that were truly amazing. they really showed me how much God has blessed me in every area of my life. last night I went to a bar-b-q with; old friends whom I caught up with, new friends, and the friends I see all the time, ha....there were a lot of us, so it was fun. then we all walked down to see some fireworks, in celebration of the 4th of july. afterwards we had a bon fire, so it was relaxing. tonight I'm going to a festival downtown and I am pretty excited...although I have to open tomorrow at work so I might regret it, tomorrow morning. I leave in two weeks to counsel at Camp Barnabas - a camp designed specifically for mentally handicapped kids. I was nervous at first but now I cannot wait, it is going to be such a life changing adventure and I am so ready to take it on! On top of that, two days after I get home I am counseling at my churches summer camp, for 2nd and 3rd grade girls - which is an age I love...and I love camp, what could be better!?

death cab

death cab for cutie
live was amazing.
just like the album.

when they sang I will possess your heart, my friend compared the lyrics to your relationship with God, to listen to the song as if God was talking to you...it's pretty amazing the love and grace He has for us.

---

"How I wish you could see the potential,
the potential of you and me
It's like a book elegantly bound,
but in a language that you can't read just yet
You gotta spend some time
love, you gotta spend some time with me
And I know that you'll find
love, I will possess your heart
There are days when outside your window,
I see my reflection as I slowly pass
And I long for this mirrored perspective,
when we'll be lovers, lovers at last
You gotta spend some time
love, you gotta spend some time with me
And I know that you'll find
love, I will possess your heart
I will possess your heart
You reject my advances and desperate plea
I won't let you, let me down so easily."

I'm sorry for ...

rambles&complaints
apologies to anyone who reads this (if anyone reads this)

---

it's been a long weekend, I'm not thinking clearly, and my sleeping habits have been altered for the time being because of my school outrageous senior all night party (hence the time this is being posted). it started friday around two o' clock when I went into my most miserable, annoying, crazy day of work. now that I am out of school I can work longer shifts...and this one I happened to be an eight hour shift by my self...long story short I sliced open my thumb while cutting a customers roll and got super irritated with the managers at my work. instead of getting to sleep in on saturday morning me and my twin had to go pick up my sister out in the boon docks and take her home...which isn't any closer and if in a different direction! then I got to go to some fun grad parties and have a classy evening banquet, it was fun! on sunday I left my house around 9:30 for church, then went to graduation, then went out to eat, then went to lighthouse, then went home for ten minutes and finally settled at school for the crazy party...so basically I haven't gotten much sleep this weekend, but it has been mostly enjoyable to say the least....

I AM FREE

this has felt like the longest week & weekend ever. I completed high school - finally. which came with, having to turn all these petty final projects, papers and assignments & crazy times at school...so it has been fun, but stressful at times. but the stressful times were comforted with delightful bbq's and sitting around fires with friends and family. I am so blessed

stranger to change

changeverb: to make the form, nature, content,
future course, etc., of (something) different from what it is
or from what it would be if left alone.

---

change is a word & action I hate. I like being comfortable. It's not really a good characteristic or quality to have. I like routine and keeping things the way they are. but then again, I guess it depends on the situation.

change has become the story (or a new chapter if you will) of my life in the past month! My family and I have moved from the house I grew up in for the last 18 years...and the last 21 years for my parents. It was quit sad actually. I miss everything about my old house; smells, textures, feeling of being home, sounds, colors, coziness, set up, yard, ect. So yeah, it's been hard but our new house is cute - but it doesn't feel like home yet...it's been about two weeks and I still feel like I am at a family members or a friends house....it's weird, a whole new experience. another change is that I am three days shy of being done with high school FOREVER! this change is a change I have actually been looking forward to for some time now though no more bells ringing, nagging teachers, crowded hallways, mean liberians, rich kids, the smell of pot in the parking lot every morning, lockers slamming...the list goes on...and I'm not going to miss it. I know college is still school too, but the schedule, rules and people aren't as rigid. I'm so ready to be able to move on with my life and go where I want to go, do what I want to do...

30 hour famine

so I realized I never updated about 30 hour famine
...it was like two weekends ago!

in a nut shell my youth group [WSM] didn't eat for 30 hours to raise money & awareness of world hunger. all together (with government agencies matching our amount) we raised over $70,000! during our time of hunger we did crazy group games, had amazing worship till the early morning, watched Hotel Rwanda, made tent/box villages to sleep in,almost no sleep, drank a lot of water & gatorade, did hours of work in Detroit and spent time with the people there...all to build up to a celebration of food - aka a really nice dinner.

MOODY BIBLE INSTITUTE

I got into Moody Bible Institute.

only catch, not the Chicago campus - the Spokane, WA campus

So needless to say God closed that door.

_____________________________________________

tentative plan b/dream #2
two years at community college to save money so I can move out.

after the two years, me and my sister plan on moving to tennessee to finish school there

(not sure where yet), then hopefully live in the nashville area

to pursue a career in the music business.

thoughts thoughts thoughts

• Today I was flipping through People magazine and Melissa Joan Hart was wearing a dress I have! Only difference is that I paid the discounted price of $30 at tj Maxx and she probably got it right from the designer.

• Yesterday, seeing that Sunday is the day of rest, I took a two and half hour nap that was truly delightful! Although, the real icing on the cake was I then went to be bed quit early for a 'school night' anyway - so needless to say, today wasn't as hard as I thought!

• Okay, I never know whether to believe in karma or not, but then again alot of times what goes around, does come back around...so I guess I'll have to wait and see. The reason I wonder is because, today something unfortunate and embarrassing happened to another team member, but me and my co-woker proceeded to laugh so hard we were crying - so who knows what's going to happen to us next time :)

• Oh yes, I am also thrilled that my sister will most likely be moving downtown for the summer & I cannot wait to spend time at her place in the city, with all the people, lights, and sounds.6. Sometime this week I will FINALLY hear back from Moody...I am still unclear on where God wants me next year for school..?? - pray, pray, pray

*DREAM = desire_faith_action

spring break

*what a relaxing spring break.
instead of heading to sandy beaches I stayed home
to hang out with lovely friends and make money

random odds & ends

update:

I don't really ever have time to watch tv series,

but when I do have time I make sure not to
miss an elimination, runway walk, or photo shoot ..
it's almost as ridiculous as following any other reality tv program!

I had my last first day at Groves.
we started our third & FINAL trimester of 2008.
and if I do say so myself, I was dealt a extremely
easy stress free schedule:

1st hr: geology
2nd hr: psychology
----open lunch----
3rd hr: school store/management
4th hr: marketing/advertising
5th hr: teachers aid/independent study
_2 months,
17 days remaining

I've been working so much lately I can't even handle it,
the customers aren't always that polite, I am constantly answering
the same questions, and I can't eat any more desserts or baked goods!

tomorrow night is the 2nd annual
IFCawards
[independent film channel]
...and I am excited!

enjoy the warm
[it's getting there]
weather*

TRUE LOVE

favorite quote.

"she confronted her fears and doubts by telling herself repeatedly that she still had reason for hope -- that her past did not have to define her future."

music to my ears

Christa Black: so I've been listening to her for awhile now
- and I love her music, just so happens I was listening to her today & so I thought I would share

link to her space or go on itunes :)

new

NEWYEAR:
newstarts
newpeople
newplaces
newplans.

---

to my dismay, this year hasn't been going where I wanted it, for reasons I don't need to go into. but this year isn't mine, it's Gods - and it will go & do what He wants. therefore, this is where I impatiently sit back, be still, be quiet, and trust in Him alone.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."

Proverbs 3:5-6

it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas?

It doesn't feel like Christmas!
Probably because I've been working so much!!
I am on break, and am very excited to see everyone
and spend time with my family whom I love.
A friend taught me to not take for granite
the time I have with the ones I love,
and what better time to do that than the Christmas season?

Christmas time again!

new classes, still waiting, still praying, more work, accomplishments, new friends, good family time, Christmas cookies & décor.

Merry almost Christmas.

love the Fillmores

thanksgiving

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow,
for tomorrow will worry about itself.
Each day has enough trouble of its own."
Matthew 6:34

I have a lot to write about, not enough time in a day.
This week/weekend has been crazy & stressful, in a good way!
All I have to say is, thank God for family & the state police.
This upcoming week is going to be even crazier though.
I am FINALLY sending in my Moody application.
And I have to take finals and go to work....busy busy busy.

* pictures here or here

life is good.

yay!

I'm going four hours down shouth tomorrow.
with the two that are closest to me.
to reunite with long lost friends.
I am so stoked - I can't even wait!
and I have a good book to read,
to make the time pass quickly.

also I am so happy that it's the holiday season.
holiday as in Thanksgiving and Christmas.
trust me I hate when people say "happy holidays".
its okay to say Merry Christmas.
I love the music that's played twenty-four seven.
the need for sweaters, scarfs, and coats.
but as soon as that white stuff comes, I'm not as thrilled.
good thing this time of year isn't about myself.
it's about being thankful for - everything I am blessed with.
and Jesus coming to this earth.

happy 21 years mom and dad

cheers*

God of Justice

read & listen to the words of this song

God of Justice, Savior to all
Came to rescue the weak and the poor
Chose to serve and not be served
Jesus, You have called us
Freely we've received
Now freely we will give
We must go live to feed the hungry
Stand beside the broken
We must go
Stepping forward keep us from just singing
Move us into action
We must go
To act justly everyday
Loving mercy in everyway
Walking humbly before You God
You have shown us, what You require
Freely we've received
Now freely we will give
Fill us up and send us out
Fill us up and send us out
Fill us up and send us out Lord

honesty

realizations from my heart:

• God is truly amazing and I don't trust Him like I should.
  
• When I am having a "bad day" someone else is having it worse.
  
• I have friends and family I don't deserve, whom I feel I take advantage of.
  
• Often times feel sorry for myself and don't take action - missing God given opportunities.
  
• My sin cannot go on any longer, and it's up to me to run away from it.
  
• God has blessed so much & I am so greatful.
  

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does."
-james 1:2-8

hmmmm

con·tra·dic·tion
direct opposition between things
compared; inconsistency.

---

1.) I thought it was so cool that a girl in my health class was wearing a LOVE IS THE MOVEMENT t-shirt, from TWOHA. When I realized that the girl sitting right behind her had an uncountable number of scares on her arm, where she has/had suffered and struggled with self mutilation. I felt so sad, but to uneasy to strike up a conversation.

2.) Though I may complain about school, I feel like I am truly going to miss my comfortable, practically care free lifestyle I have been blessed to with. When I think of school in general, I love it but I hate it. And I can't believe or grasp the fact that in scarce amount of months I will have to take one final step in my high school - wondering what kind of impact I have made on my classmates and teachers.

3.) My job is going really great, I love the people I work with, I get really flexible hours, the pay is so good, everyone is so pleasant and happy to be there, ect. - but I hate being tired and piled up with homework every night .

4.) Last but not least, I can't stand being in photography class! I say lets stick with digital, old school is to much work. And there's not enough time actually behind a camera lens, which is my favorite part. Yet, one of my most enjoyable hobbies is photography.

peace till next time

what's new.

I got a new job (FINALLY! - praise God!).
I sell bread, coffee, and expensive desserts to cute old people.
- what could be better!?
my last "spirit week" was so fun, I actually had fun at school for once.