season to s t r e t c h

{It took me almost two weeks to write this all out...

hopefully it makes sense?!

In a nut shell, God taught me &

stretched me a lot last week!}

____________________________________________

march 20, 2010

This week has proven to be a roller coaster of emotions & situations. [Okay, hormones kind of have something to do with it, but that’s beside the point] Either way, there was quit a s t r e t c h in my life. It’s probably one of many to come, seeing it seems this is a season of stretching for me…all to make me stronger I would presume.

To live a healthy life it's good to stretch out your muscles.

Like every other muscle our HEARTS need a good

s t r e t c h

every now and then too.

{Sunday} My week started with an incredible night of worship at church. I have never heard our church worship so hard & loud in the eight years I've been there.... it was amazing. God really shifted my heart and outlook on worship, remembering not to leave my worship in the four walls of the church -- take it to the streets. I left with a renewed mind set and empowered spirit…ready to take on the week… little did I know that it would be quit the week.

{Sunday Night} That night was followed by an almost weekly three way call [between twin, Ashley, & Stephanie - where we discuss what's going on in our life pretty much]. We went on talking about boys, potentials, dreams, waiting, and God's timing. I hung up annoyed, instead of the usual feeling of being encouraged and joyful that I have great friends. I found myself doubting my self-esteem and questioning my confidence like mad. The devil literally grabbed my heart and was making me believe I wasn't worth anyone’s time…which sounds super petty but I was really feeling inadequate. To be feeling like this right after an amazing night of worship was really just…annoying. Plus, this can be such a dangerous move, when anyone (girls in particular), think of themselves less because they've never had a boy turn their way or pay them attention. Of course it would feel flattering, but we can't rely on the feeling we get from affirmation from the opposite sex to make us feel good about our self or to find our confidence. The doubts filled my mind as I was easily reminded that I’ve never had a boyfriend, been on a date, or even asked to “get coffee” as we had just talked about. I couldn’t believe that the Devil had gotten me so easily?! It made me mad and I went to bed praying that I could be okay without a guy trying to fill my voids and asking God for strength because doubting myself and keeping my confidence up is definitely a past struggle…one that Satan surely grasps when he can.

{Monday Morning} The next day I woke up flustered because I was starting a yoga class – one that we ended up arriving 30 minutes late, due to the fact we thought it started at 8:30, not 8:00. So for the next stretch in my week, I had to get physically stretched. It was seriously the most relaxing, yet physical thing I've ever done. I felt so great after the class was out! As we walked to Caribou my legs felt like jelly [in a good relaxed way] so I knew I was doing something right in class. After working out you always feel better about yourself & that you can conquer the day…so I did. I left my self-pity from the night before in the yoga room & talked to God while we wrapped up the session lying flat on our backs…it felt so great.

{Monday Night} Knowing I could conquer my usual “case of Monday’s” I knew I needed to rethink my attitude about going into work that night. Once I got to work I really made it an effort to be kind hearted to ALL of my patrons. [Even the ones that seriously make me want to pull out my hair…super arrogant, snotty, & inconsiderate people.] By doing so I was taking my worship minded spirit to the streets…or to the Library anyway. I couldn’t believe how different patrons responded to me [even the cranky ones] when I wasn’t easily angered and more loving towards them. Instead of looking at them as a patron, someone I was trying to help, I looked at him or her as someone that God created, someone He choice to be a character in my story for whatever reason. Not only was I being encouraged from the people at work, I read Romans 8 and was amazed that God takes us no matter where we’ve been and chooses to use us to further his kingdom.

{Tuesday} Getting out of the door on time has always been and will always be a struggle for Lindsay & I. We love being on time but trying to roll out of bed on time and make it to school 5 minutes before class starts has proven to be a challenge. We shuffled out the door and arrived late to class…it was kind of okay just because it was my Drawing class. But still, I just hate being that person that walks in late and is asking around frantically about the assignment or homework that was passed out while I was still on 75. So the stretches began, not only was I late and flustered I had totally forgotten I had an exam in Biology right after my Drawing class. I showed up for the exam completely unprepared. Worrying about how this would affect my grade, how could I have done this… spewing negative self talk the rest of the day, not my ideal Tuesday afternoon. After cooling down a bit and realizing my negative self talk wasn't going to change my grade I drank a Caribou strawberry-banana smoothie and meditated on Colossians 3… a super encouraging passage:: my heart was being stretched :: Later I had Kairos and our group had an awesome discussion surrounding finding our confidence in HIM, instead of what others think of us – then Ange mentioned the same passage I was just reading from Colossians, “For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God”. It was totally a ‘God thing’. Kairos was so encouraging…especially after having an annoying day. All that to say God’s little tests were starting to work and I was starting to feel the burn of a good stretch in my heart.

{Wednesday Morning} Every Wednesday morning I work a pretty easy shift and actually really enjoy having a kind-of break from school during the week. While I was at work, I finished reading Romans 8 and was still trying to wrap my mind around how amazing the God is we serve. Passages like… “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us” & “we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him” & “in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us” were stretching my heart in an unbelievable way. In fact one of the “Babes” [nickname for a fellow AgapeBabe] was just sharing the night before a trial she was going through and so I shot her a Facebook message with Romans 8 in it… I love when God encourages you, you encourage someone else, and then they encourage someone else, and then someone encourages you… I love that cycle we get to be a part of in the body of Christ. Anyway, so mid week God was clearly stretching my heart in a big way, I could feel Him more than ever and to think it was only Wednesday. While still at work, I thought it would be a good idea to read over my Oasis lesson, so I wouldn’t get tongue tied and would be prepared to give out answers. As I was reading it, God showed up again and the lesson was all about CONFIDENCE… something I had been struggling with at the beginning of the week. Not only was it on confidence and a lesson I, myself also needed to learn from, the passage Steve used was Romans 8!! I could hardly believe it, again – totally a God thing. God was seriously showing up everywhere.

{Wednesday Night} Later that night, after Oasis and teaching a lesson I needed just as much as my Oasis girls needed, I was totally being pulled down by Satan… again. Isn’t it funny that Satan steps in right when we’re on these spiritual highs, that’s how much he hates us getting close and intimate with a loving God. I was stressing out about a paper I HAD to get done that night because I wouldn’t have time to complete it Thursday night. Being the procrastinator I am and giver-upper [major flaw] I negatively talked myself out of writing the paper and left it till the following day… big mistake. The way I push things aside till the last minute is totally not something to be proud of and in that moment of giving up, it was almost like I was giving into Satan in a weird way. I wasn’t believing in Romans 8, that I could be more than a conqueror in the situation. Giving up, I was setting up a headache of a Thursday and piling on of more stress than I would have had to deal with if I would’ve simply written the paper that night.

{Thursday} For me, Thursday’s are usually the weekend, so I look forward to them. However every three weeks they are major cramming and homework nights. When the third week comes around, I gear up to turn in a Government paper and then go in for an exam Friday morning. Knowing myself too well I always know that Thursday nights with a paper/exam due the day are never good days for me. I try to tell myself a week before they are due… “Oh, this time I will start a week early, so I’m not so stressed out”… without fail, every third Thursday I kick myself for not starting a week ahead. This week was different though, instead of having all Thursday to complete the paper, I had a time limit because Lindsay and I agreed to babysit a family together that night. So that’s where I was on Thursday, after my Bio Lab, I rushed over to Panera to conquer my paper by 3:00 [when we had to go babysit]. Three in the afternoon rolled around and I had gotten a pretty decant size of work down… however the paper STILL wasn’t done. Knowing I had to go babysit I figured after we were done, I could just hit up a 24 hour coffee shop with free wi-fi to put the finishing touches on my paper and send it off into cyber space. The parents came home and Lindsay and I rushed over to the coffee shop for only about half hour. While skimming facebook [AFTER the paper was done of course] and still feeling stressed out and discouraged with school stuff, I updated my status in frustration to “:serious status: God says He won't give us more than we can handle....but right now I am pretty sure I can't handle school... clinging to Romans 8...”. I usually try not to update in frustration but this night in particular I had to! Right when I posted in, my friend Tabitha wrote me a really encouraging message [part of the encouragement circle between the body of Christ!] and it totally changed my heart… made me remember that literally in everything – even the small, minute things we go through, God still cares and wants us to conquer life with Him!!

{Friday} The last day of the week, school week any way, is always my favorite. Friday holds a lot of promises… break from school, sleeping in [sometimes], hanging out with friends, church, ect. I knew this Friday in particular was my favorite when I conquered my Government exam and got my current grade! As I dashed out of the school no later than 9:30, I couldn’t believe the joy that filled me. I made it, I was done [for a time..] with school, all the papers, exams, bad days, and ups and downs of the previous few days were behind me and I was READY for the weekend! Lindsay and I, not having wifi in our apartment now spend a lot of time at Caribou… good coffee and free wifi, it makes sense. So we started our weekend off by grabbing some Caribou and using their free wifi for a bit before we started the rest of our Friday. Once we got to the ‘Bou, I realized my computer was dead and neither of us had a charger… With out hesitation, I said I’ll be back in five, I’m running home to grab a charger – seeing we live five minutes away and what would be the point of using the wifi if my computer was dead?!

I through the car into reverse drink in hand and am on my way to our cute little apartment. Side note, I play it pretty safe when I am driving, I am that person who may or may not start slowing down JUST because I think the light MIGHT turn yellow. Any way, I am on my way home down the three lane road we live off of. Clearly a old person driving the left lane had no where important to go, as they were driving 5 under the limit [or so I thought]. I raised my speed to pass them and then once in the left lane again, I slowed down. Not even a second later, I see flashing red and blue lights in my rear view mirror. I could not believe this, all I was thinking was “does this guy know what kind of week I just had?!” & “I never speed, why is he pulling me over!?”. More annoyed than scared or upset [a.k.a. crying] I unrolled my window and listened to the grouchy old officer tell me how I was going 15 over, then I handed him my license and registration… without my proof of insurance [our car got broken into on NYE and the robber took our P.O.I. & being the procrastinator I am, never bothered getting a new copy]. The officer came back after what felt like an eternity, and explained that since I had a clean driving record that he would only ticket me for going 10 over and that if I set up a court date, that I could possibly get the 2 points off of my license AND get a cheaper fine if I brought in my proof of insurance to show the judge. :: sigh :: After collecting my thoughts I proceeded to my apartment and finally made it back to the ‘Bou.

Later that day, after realizing that my ticket was just ONE more test and that life would move on, I went to a “WSM freshmen girls” sleepover. It was super encouraging just to relax and have fun with high school girls after what to me was a “horrible” week. At the sleepover, by mom had Ashley and Stephanie share their stories which again, was super encouraging. Being able to share their stories to younger girls was so awesome to be a part of. Each of them have an amazing and life changing stories of what they went through in high school. I just hope and pray that after hearing their stories the younger girls will be able to filter their decisions and not fall into pressures that are found through the high school years.

{Sunday} Short & sweet...Cliff spoke about Romans 8 and we sang "Healing Is In Your Hands"...if that's not God, I don't know what is. [link to podcast & song]

All of that to say… God KNEW how much I could handle and didn't give me more than I was able. Even when I felt like I couldn’t handle something, God was there and saw me through my ups and downs of the week. The entire week God was in control and continued to S T R E T C H me the whole time, I might not of enjoyed it at first, but s t r e t c h i n g sometimes hurts.

GOD ALWAYS GOES BEFORE US.

HE KNEW WHAT I WOULD STRUGGLE WITH THIS WEEK

AND HAD IT PLANNED THAT EVERY THING WOULD LINE UP PERFECTLY

SO I COULD S T R E T C H MY HEART OUT A BIT..

:: allow GOD to step into your days and you will see that every step you take matters and is worth it. When we walk in step with HIM we will find HIM