testing times

Sorry if this doesn't make sense. I tend to ramble...

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Pretty much the last few days I've probably went to write a post, ehh.... maybe five times and every time SOMETHING has come up or gotten in the way of me even desiring to finish the post or has caused me to delete it all together. There's been times in the past, where this has happened from lack of creativity, but this time it's different... it's literally as if I'm being attacked by the Enemy...it's not as if, I know it's the Enemy. He only comes to steal, kill and destroy...and that's exactly what he's trying to do. I don't mean that he's attacking my writing ability...okay maybe he is, cause I don't think this is making sense now!? But I mean in my life right now I'm coming against a lot of weird//strange attacks that are not of God. It's making me not feel like myself. Does that make sense?

J o h n 10:10
{The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy;}


Like clock work it has been happening since I first mentioned out loud wanting to apply to YWAM//Big-things-for-God [dreaming big for once], it's been one thing after another... little things happening that are making me doubt, question, get annoyed, get off track, and make me think how much easier it would be if I just totally canned the YWAM//Big-things-for-God idea all together, went back to school in the fall and followed the American Dream. It's SO frustrating. Especially because I feel strongly about being called to YWAM and everyone in my life feels the same way.

On the flip side, since expressing REAL interest in YWAM//B-t-f-G... I've had some REALLY good and positive GOD things//changes happen. Where I've really seen God move in mysterious ways and have experienced true healing from Him [through friends & family, watershed, lighthouse, church]... but then again, right after the "good stuff"...the "bad stuff" comes back...maybe it's just me? maybe it's hormones? I don't know, but I do know it is the Enemy, trying to weasel in and cause me to become stubborn, lazy, doubt-filled and settle for an ordinary life.

It's reminding me a lot of the series we did at lighthouse a few months back called LIVE EVIL. The premise was basically that where ever and when ever there is something that is "LIVE" [GOOD, ALIVE, OF GOD]... the EVIL [BAD, DEAD, NOT OF GOD] is right behind it. In shadows of GOOD there's BAD. This would be a good example of God's divine t e s t i n g. HE is obviously molding, crafting, and stretching me these past few weeks...

Umm, HELLO testing .... I've seen testing of temptations more than ever, testing of patience, testing of full reliance on God, testing of trust, testing of perseverance's, testing, testing, testing = attack, after attack.

{...I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.}

I KNOW God is at work and so is the Enemy... it's a spiritual battle... I can't say I've actually personally experienced it like this before. A constant spiritual game of tug-of-war...I'm glad there's is HOPE!

All that to say... I'm under a spiritual attack right now, over a matter of weeks I've seen my self go from one season, drastically right into the next season. This season is titled : testing. And all I can do is push through and pray to God that I can be strong and courageous.

A friend just texted me this verse....how fitting...

H e b r e w s 2:18
Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted.

....Thank you Jesus for sticking with me and being in the middle of my messy life...

Z e p h a n i a h 3:17
"The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing."