Pages

Saturday, July 31, 2010

I've sown a seed. Now it's time for harvest

August... is going to be a BIG month. BIG changes coming. BIG decisions being made. Good thing I know a BIG God.

I guess I'm moving to Newcastle, Australia in October for YWAM//dts? [typing that out brings A LOT of emotions to the surface...happy/sad/excited/scared] Yeah, that's TWO months from now?! What am I thinking? I'm starting to think I'm crazy, but that's okay, God is crazy and He can literally do unimaginable things... so I guess it's okay that I'm crazy, if God's crazy. [crazy in all the right ways though!] God's will, God's bill.


I'm learning to FULLY rely on God... HE is BIG enough, STRONG enough, GRACIOUS enough, LOVING enough, and MERCIFUL enough to [want to] use me... it's hard to fathom.

I just got back from leading the BEST middle school missions trip ever. [post/update soon]

I'm actually finding myself in over my head with photography business right now, thanks to senior picture time of the year. This is turning into a really good AND bad thing.

In between a HUGE work week [this week], I have to manage to move EVERYTHING I own back to my parents house. At first I was not for the idea of moving back home, but now... I'm all for it!


It's almost my 21st birthday, birthday's are strange for me, I've never liked change and a birthday is a yearly change... you become another year older, you get further and further away from childhood and are suddenly thrown into adulthood.

For the first time in 15 years, I'm not registering for SCHOOL in August!? [more change...]

I've sown a seed.
Now it's time for harvest.


Wow.. Hmm.. Yeah..

Saturday, July 24, 2010

growing pain: home

It's a rainy Saturday morning at work. I am missing Saturday's when I was growing up. Before I knew the value of sleeping in. When Saturday automatically meant house-hold-chores for the first half of the day and enjoy-a-day-off the other half of the day. Before I could drive. The time I was care-free. When life was relatively easy.

When it was nice and sunny out. We would play outside until the sun went down. Only to come inside with dirt under our nails and a ton of bug bites. Going on adventurous bike rides through our neighbor hood. Running around our giant front and backyard. Taking the tire swing and turning it into a carnival ride, using the jungle gym. Creating a water-world with a hose, the swing set and the trampoline. Playing house in our giant built-just-for-us play house. Making cities out chalk on our driveway and riding our bikes through them, making stops to grocery shop at the "Grocery Store".

Then there were Saturdays that were rainy. Those days were spent inside. Inside the family room. A room designated just for movie watching, craft making, library book reading, barbie or doll house playing, and fort building. The deep dark blue comfy carpet was very inviting to play on, no matter the time of day. If we weren't in the family room, we were in the kitchen eating Chewy Granola bars for a snack or sitting up at the kitchen bar stools talking moms ear off while she made dinner. Sometimes we would play in our bedrooms, but pretty much only on the Saturdays where we had ventured to clean our rooms that very day...the only time a room was fun to play in was when it had just been cleaned (how ironic right?). Sometime we would just use the entire house to play in, running around or chasing each other from the bedrooms all the way to the family room (causing broken bones).

Thinking about my old house makes me remember too many memories; good, bad, happy, sad, exciting, scary...ultimately causing growing pains. I'm learning that it doesn't matter what roof is over your head, it's the people under that roof that make a house a home.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

testing times

Sorry if this doesn't make sense. I tend to ramble...
_______________________________________

Pretty much the last few days I've probably went to write a post, ehh.... maybe five times and every time SOMETHING has come up or gotten in the way of me even desiring to finish the post or has caused me to delete it all together. There's been times in the past, where this has happened from lack of creativity, but this time it's different... it's literally as if I'm being attacked by the Enemy...it's not as if, I know it's the Enemy. He only comes to steal, kill and destroy...and that's exactly what he's trying to do. I don't mean that he's attacking my writing ability...okay maybe he is, cause I don't think this is making sense now!? But I mean in my life right now I'm coming against a lot of weird//strange attacks that are not of God. It's making me not feel like myself. Does that make sense?

J o h n 10:10
{The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy;}


Like clock work it has been happening since I first mentioned out loud wanting to apply to YWAM//Big-things-for-God [dreaming big for once], it's been one thing after another... little things happening that are making me doubt, question, get annoyed, get off track, and make me think how much easier it would be if I just totally canned the YWAM//Big-things-for-God idea all together, went back to school in the fall and followed the American Dream. It's SO frustrating. Especially because I feel strongly about being called to YWAM and everyone in my life feels the same way.

On the flip side, since expressing REAL interest in YWAM//B-t-f-G... I've had some REALLY good and positive GOD things//changes happen. Where I've really seen God move in mysterious ways and have experienced true healing from Him [through friends & family, watershed, lighthouse, church]... but then again, right after the "good stuff"...the "bad stuff" comes back...maybe it's just me? maybe it's hormones? I don't know, but I do know it is the Enemy, trying to weasel in and cause me to become stubborn, lazy, doubt-filled and settle for an ordinary life.

It's reminding me a lot of the series we did at lighthouse a few months back called LIVE EVIL. The premise was basically that where ever and when ever there is something that is "LIVE" [GOOD, ALIVE, OF GOD]... the EVIL [BAD, DEAD, NOT OF GOD] is right behind it. In shadows of GOOD there's BAD. This would be a good example of God's divine t e s t i n g. HE is obviously molding, crafting, and stretching me these past few weeks...

Umm, HELLO testing .... I've seen testing of temptations more than ever, testing of patience, testing of full reliance on God, testing of trust, testing of perseverance's, testing, testing, testing = attack, after attack.

{...I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.}

I KNOW God is at work and so is the Enemy... it's a spiritual battle... I can't say I've actually personally experienced it like this before. A constant spiritual game of tug-of-war...I'm glad there's is HOPE!

All that to say... I'm under a spiritual attack right now, over a matter of weeks I've seen my self go from one season, drastically right into the next season. This season is titled : testing. And all I can do is push through and pray to God that I can be strong and courageous.

A friend just texted me this verse....how fitting...

H e b r e w s 2:18
Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted.

....Thank you Jesus for sticking with me and being in the middle of my messy life...

Z e p h a n i a h 3:17
"The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing."

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Life Is Never Boring

Sometimes there are days when I wish my life was more exciting. Then over the past few days, I have found myself literally laughing out loud... because my life has really never been boring.

not-so-boring-week::
Did a huge family shoot for some family friends; in the scorching heat. Went to my sisters first ever Detroit Tigers baseball game...she LOVES the D, but some how had never been? Ate late night pizza at the motor city brewery, chatted with the AgapeBabes , celebrated 4th of July with my family, some how made it to work in between, went to the beach with the siblings, had a massive water fight with middle school kids at Oasis, ran around town to get things done for my YWAM application and finally sent a package to Australia! Hung out downtown with good friends, realized how soon a good friend is moving out of state, met my new neighbor at 1:30 in the morning...by breaking in with my landlord, crashed at my sisters apartment because I can't sleep somewhere alone, shot a really pretty wedding along side a sweet professional photog, ate fancy hors d'oeuvres, ran into a creepy-regular-male-library-patron at the wedding....who happens to be a bartender on the weekends!? Ran through golf course sprinklers, heard that the church I grew up in merged with church and prayed through lighthouse, and did a kids shoot in a sweet park!

I don't think my life is boring anymore.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Kari Jobe: You Are For Me

Kari Jobe just released a video for one of my favorite worship songs...such truth in the lyrics.
Kind of needed this song tonight...love how it reminds me of who HE is.