tmfs

It's good to know I'm doing something that Mark Driscoll suggests :)

to my future spouse::: I seriously encourage everyone to start journal-ing to their spouse... it's sweet! just think, one day you can share it with them... how special/fun would that be for both of you. y'all can look back on love notes, verses, encouragement, prayers, or struggles. pointers; never use names -- that could get awkward -- this shouldn't be a dear diary Jimmy is so dreamy type journal, make sure you date all the entries, be honest/transparent/open, share deep thoughts -- but don't forget to have fun with it! make it your own.

love on them now, it's a good way to pass the time of waiting for him or her to come along.

cuts deep.

the Comforter

"That is why I am suffering as I am. Yet this is no cause for shame, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him until that day." 2 Timothy 1:12

I love that God is a God of comfort, knowing exactly how & when to comfort us. the Groom looking after His bride...being patience...speaking tenderly...comforting, when the bride feels weak. God's comforting in the last 48 hours:: the message at lighthouse on Hosea; to remind me that Jesus will never leave my side & will always love me unconditionally...or today having a good cry; to release loads of bottled up emotions...and then tonight this verse in 2 Tim, to remind me that no matter what my current circumstance may be...since I have decided to entrust Him with my life, He will guard it knowing He is in control. + Speaking of comfort... my "no-word" playlist usually calms me down after a stressful/annoying day, so I was listening to Your Hand In Mine by Explosions in the Sky... how fitting!? My hand is in His...and He will never let go...thanks God for comforting me when I need it!

Our hand is always in the hand of the one true Comforter.

...allure her

Do yourself a favor and listen to this podcast, if you weren't at Lighthouse on Sunday...excellent reminder of God's unconditional love & mercy on us!!

podcast here.

Not Alone - Red

I am sitting at Starbucks...usual morning occurrence, thanks to sharing a car! As I am listening to this song and watching stranger after stranger walk through the door for their morning coffee, I can't help but want to stand on my chair and explain to everyone that it doesn't matter what their story is or where life currently finds them... they are not alone... there is hope! I want that to be the prayer of everyone I see at Starbucks today... God open their eyes to see/find Your hope, let them be strong and courageous today!

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. // Deuteronomy 31:6

M.A.S.H.

One hot Australian summer night this past March, my friend Sarah and I sat around a table filling out countless M.A.S.H. games on scratch paper for our girlfriends. One by one as a girl said "stop" to the line markings; we would ordain marriages, sell homes, deliver babies, give out pets, and decide the future of our friends. We sat there getting our friends hopes up or ruining dreams. It was all fun and games until you were the girl stuck married to Santa Clause, with 9 kids, a pet giraffe, driving a clown car and living in an Apartment.

The other night at watershed Bekah had us play M.A.S.H., this time it was a little nicer...we got to choose the potential husbands, number of kids, pet, cars, and then prayed we would land with the Mansion or House.

Bekah had us start the night with an elementary game, to display the not so elementary danger of unrealistic/unreachable expectations we set on relationships. The expectations we set on this game are the same expectation we set on how we approach dating/marriage relationships. We cannot set expectations too high on any human relationship, for one reason...we are humans! We often think if we could just date this guy or marry that guy we would have a this fairy tale perfect life. Humans are broken and imperfect, therefore making every human relationship broken and imperfect. The only truly fulfilling, one-sided perfect, relationship we can have on this earth is with the Creator of the universe. Therefore, our perfect husband, perfect best friend, or perfect life will always fall short of our expectations. So... lets lose the expectations! It is not fair to the other person to have such high expectations on them anyways, it is too much pressure for someone to constantly be living under.

Godly relationships flourish when we realize that no one is perfect, including ourselves. When you are willing to love someone else without conditions...keeping in mind that they are human and will mess up here and there...it is in the "mess-ups", when our unconditional love for them is tested. How will we react when the other person does not meet our ridiculous expectations? Will we kick 'em to the curb!? Mmm no...maybe we should learn to admit what we might have done to cause the situation, learn to forgive and move on... in love with out conditions.

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.
Romans 12.9-12

This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.
1 John 3:16

This song came on when I was writing...

I'm convinced this song will never get old and
that I will always need to hear it as a reminder,
thanks Bethany Dillon!

Music // Book Plug

Girls, check out Christa Black's new book "God Loves Ugly"!! I started listening to her music when she just had rough demos on her MySpace. Now she is known for blogging & touring with that little band called the Jonas Brothers. Through her new found platform, she now has a huge opportunity to share TRUTH with girls all over the world!! I highly recommend checking out her BOOK & MUSIC.

{www.christablack.com}
{christa on iTunes}

Strong Enough

HIS love is strong enough.
HIS grace is strong enough.
HIS mercy is strong enough.
HIS peace is strong enough.

God will always be strong enough;
to fight for me.
to provide for me.
to love me.
to take care of my needs.
to get me where He wants me.

. . . . .

"Don't bargain with God.
Be direct. Ask for what you need.
This isn't a cat-and-mouse,
hide-and-seek game we're in."
Matthew 7:7-12 [msg]

Trouble Trusting

"Call upon Me in the day of trouble;
I shall deliver you" (Ps. 50:15)

Oh wow. God is teaching me this a lot lately. EVEN when things don't go the way we think they should, God is still in control. When life seems unfair, God still wants to deliver us. Even in the hard times, God is still love. When we don't think we can, God can!

Trusting God is always easy when life is good and going the way we want it to. When we have the job, life, friends, and situation that we want or desire, it's easy to trust that God has our best interest in mind. After all, He has chosen to bless you with those things, your wants and desires. But when life doesn't go the way we want it to, we still have to trust that God has our best interest in mind and that HE will still bless us and provide for our needs. Going through valleys doesn't mean it's the end, it means it's the beginning of a beautiful God crafted story. Life would be boring if we couldn't tell a glory story in our lifetime. Jesus pardoned us with His blood, how much more are we deeply loved and cared for!?

Here are some sayings that are good reminders of God's love and mercy for us. We MUST trust Him. HE has our best interest in mind. He gives us EVERYTHING [& more than] we need. Besides, His LOVE is enough, it's more than we need.

//Rejection is God's protection.

//If it's God's will, it's God's bill.

Whether you've been rejected by a job that you KNEW you were going to get. Or if money doesn't seem to be growing on trees, God still/will take care of it. God knows what we need, when we need it. If we don't have it right now, we don't need it right now. God loves to teach us patience and perseverance through times like these!

Band Of Horses

Oh how I love Band of Horses. I'll never forget coming across their myspace page back in the day and falling in love. I'm happy I got to see them last night. They played two of my favorites,"No One's Gonna Love You" and "Factory". I'd say it was a pretty good show, though they definitely left out some of my favorites! Slightly bummed about that but they did play at the Fillmore... which happens to be my last name! I still want to go up to the ticket counter, show them my license and demand to be let in for free because my grandpa "owns" all the Fillmore threatre's. Unfortunately, I'm not that bold or out going. Plus they probably wouldn't buy it because I'm really bad at lying?!

Here are the two songs they didn't play, that they should have....

Please Lead Him

Every girl, whether she'd like to admit it or not, is guilty of day dreaming about the perfect surprise proposal, blue sky wedding day, and sandy beach honeymoon. A girl looks forward to the day she meets the man that was literally made for her. Waiting for the man that was put on this earth for her; the man that was made to fight for her, the man that was created to father their children, the man that she is supposed to grow old with. We wait, plan, dream, wait some more, pair our name with certain last names, and day dream again.

In the midst of our child-like behavior, how often are we on our knees, pleading for the heart and purity of the man that God already has set aside for us? How often do we go humbly before God, asking for wisdom and guidance; so we can one day be a loving, encouraging, gracious, submissive, and uplifting wife? How often are we asking for God to prepare both of our hearts for a God centered relationship? I dare say we spend too much time cutting out snippets of bridal magazines and not enough time praying for the actual relationship itself.

As women we need to be on our knees constantly praying for the marriage that we day dream about. Sanctus Real's single "Lead Me", made me realize how important it is to start praying [now] for a relationship that may not have even come into play yet. We're living in a day and age where most marriages are ending in separation or divorce, even in the Christian world, all we can do is pray that God protects our future marriage. The lyrics are a husbands humble prayer for his family. If you switch a few of the personal pronouns around, you've got the perfect prayer to pray for your future husband and relationship!

Father, give [him] the strength
To be everything [he's] called to be
Oh, Father, show [him] the way
To lead [me/us]
Won't You lead [him]?
Father, lead [us], cause [we] can't do this alone.

Whether or not you are in a current relationship, pray, pray, pray, for the man that God has set aside for you. You never know, you might already be rubbing shoulders with the guy you're praying for or you may not know him just yet [both of which scenarios are very scary to me... haha]. Either way, pray for God's protection upon him, pray against struggles he might be facing, pray for God's perfect timing, pray for patience and purity in the relationship, pray that God would use him, pray that God would lead him to Himself.

sisterhood.

I have two great sisters that I grew up with and have always done life with. They are the sisters that will never go away, in a good way of course. Then there are my other sisters, the sisters who have come into my life for seasons, some have come and gone, some have gone and come back, and some have always been there.


I’m not married, engaged and I don’t have a boyfriend, but I know plenty of women who are in relationships and they just as well need sisters around them! Men are great, don’t get me wrong, but men will never understand needing a bowl of chocolate ice cream and a romantic comedy. They will never understand changing your outfit ten times before leaving the house. They will never understand crying for without reason. That’s WHY we need a sisterhood around us.

Some more reasons why we need a sisterhood around us; we need sisters that can press into us and sisters we can press into. Sisters that we can look up to and sisters that can look up to us. We need sisters to keep us sane. We need sisters to keep us in check. We need sisters to keep us accountable. We need sisters to be there when we're down on ourselves. We need sisters to come around us when life doesn't seem fair or make sense. We need our sisters. We each need a sisterhood that will fight for our heart and souls when we cannot.

As sisters we find that we ALL face the same sorts of trials and hardships, the only difference is they are crafted to fit into each of our stories. Our trials and hardships happen at different times [conveniently], so we are equipped to coach our other sisters through the tough times. The truth is, as women we might not always see eye to eye, we might not always be “besties” [soul sisters, best friends, go-to sisters, core friends], if we aren't careful we can easily get caught in the middle of nasty gossip and tearing down of others. Despite the “drama” that gets in the way of our sister relationships, God has set the perfect example of forgiveness, grace and mercy for us!

When we are able to get past the petty things that tend to get in the way of peaceful relationships between women, and are able to have true heart-to-heart encounters, we find that we are all very similar. Deep down we want the same things; love and acceptance. Something that only our Father can fully sustain, with the help of our sisters we feel the earthly grasp of love and acceptance. No matter how thick the skin, how deep the wound, or how many times we’ve failed; true sisters are there to help you back up, with love, mercy and grace.

I'm so blessed to have been surrounded by a diverse group of twelve or so sisters for the past two years [thanks to Kairos…another reason to join a Kairos group next semester]. We came together two falls ago. Since meeting we've each grown in tremendous ways. None of us perfect, yet we all have different things to bring to the table. Each of us is unique, has different quirks, and things that make us different from the next girl over. The thing I love most about this group is that if one isn't there, there seems to be something missing... someone’s input and personality is missing and it's just not the same. In the rare occasion that most of us are able to get together, conversations pick up right where they left off. I love that! We need our sisters! As women, we desperately need other women around us that we can share, grow and fight off Satan with.

God created the emotional and spiritual bonds that link women together, so praise God for the sisters He has placed in your life. Be thankful for the sisters that have come and gone for different seasons and chapters of your story. If you find that you don’t identify with a certain sisterhood, PRAY FOR ONE! Pray that God would provide you with and surround you with a divine sisterhood.

"Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of one's [sister] springs from [her] earnest counsel" - PROVERBS twenty-seven:nine

Transformation.

I rarely post about music that I love... which should change I guess, right? Because I LOVE music... most music anyway. But last summer I started listening to Joy Williams side project, The Civil Wars, as their live recorded album was free on Noise Trade & Myspace...amazing. I saw them play last night, therefore I thought posting about them would be the most fitting thing to do.........

Growing up I listened to and followed a lot of different Christian music artists, one of my faves being Joy Williams...I'm pretty sure I had her on my Top 8 back in the day. I even planned on one day working within the Christian music business (or music business in general), I figured I love music & Nashville, why not move there one day and work in the biz?! Well dreams and life changes, therefore that's not really my cup of tea these days.... all that to say, I've loved watching Joy Williams transform into my now, favorite indie artist. Joy Williams, the once bottle-blond-pop-artist transformed over the past few years into, a more natural-indie-hipster-folk-artist. She traded in her catchy, Christian, studio recordings for more organic, raw, mellow lyrics and beats....which I love.

Not only has she been doing some solo stuff heard on various sitcoms and commercials, but is touring with the likes of Ten Out Of Tenn crew & her band The Civil Wars. We went and saw The Civil Wars last night, with Madi Diaz -- they all were amazing. I wish I had more time and money to go see a show every weekend. There's just something about hearing music live compared to hearing it on your iTunes... in my opinion it not only sounds better but there's just a different feel to the music, it's all about the atmosphere too I guess... I love it. Anyway, I'll stop raving... just go and check out her *new* solo stuff & The Civil Wars.

Eat Pray Love

Okay. I found another movie to go in my top ten.
[1. Elizabethtown 2. It's A Wonderful Life 3. Pride & Prejudice 4. Garden State 5. Ferris Bueller's Day Off 6. Sleepless In Seattle 7. You've Got Mail 8. While You Were Sleeping 9. August Rush 10. EAT PRAY LOVE]

EDIT [8/17]: My wonderful friend Megan just e-mailed me these passages, seen under each picture!! love them....

E A T
“I brought you into a fertile land to eat its fruit” // Jeremiah 2:7
“When your words came I ate them and they were my joy and hearts delight” // Jeremiah 1:4

P R A Y
“Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you” // Jeremiah 29:12
“Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know” // Jeremiah 33:3

L O V E
“I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving kindness” // Jeremiah 31: 3
“Give thanks to the Lord almighty, for the Lord is good; His love endures forever” // Jeremiah 33:11

I'm not going to pretend to be some trendy intellectual movie buff, that pulls a lesson out of EVEY movie I watch... Especially because I'll admit that I LOVE cheesy, sappy, romantic comedies that have little to NO meaning....no shame. I won't get too intellectual or write a summary on the CRAZY symbolism you can find in this movie... I will simply say; EAT PRAY LOVE was amazing! It was a tad long & seemed to drag on a bit, but it was quit inspiring... even if you're not going to randomly leave your husband, dream-life, and job all in one day to travel the world... it still inspires to just live life in a way that you desire, within reason of course. To take life one step at a time, to take rest and relaxation seriously. To surround yourself with friends and family. To find GOD. To release yourself from the past and find rest in the Creator or the Universe, Jesus Christ! And last of all to find LOVE... even if it's not the guy, to simply LOVE everyone...go see it :)

"Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation"

*My favorite track from the soundtrack.

S P R I N G

If you know me at all you know I strongly dislike that cold, gray, dark, bitter season...what's it called again, oh yeah winter.. That's why right when the clocks change and the sun begins to shine again, the grass starts to show and the buds start to bloom, I fall in love all over again with the state of Michigan.

This past week has be the greatest spring weather ever! from the 60's to HIGH 70's .... this weather makes me am happy. Sun shinning, birds chirping, flowers blooming, pulling out the skirts and flip flops, seeing people outside...it all makes my heart happy.

E A S T E R weekend::

Good Friday -- Good Friday is the day when Christians reflect the horrifying death of our Savior, but it's a good day because we KNOW that that's not the end of the story. Our Savior is alive and living in the souls of his children! First our family went to the Good Friday service at church... it was a great time to worship and reflect what Christ did for you and me. Later Lindsay and I made dinner for Ashley and Steph...it was so fun! Our first dinner party was a success. Later that night we headed down to Pontiac for Lighthouse's Good Friday service. We had a sweet opportunity to hold our Good Friday service at the Crofoot in Pontiac...it was sweet! The venue was totally packed and the presence of God was felt. Cliff brought a good word from the journey of Jesus' death to resurrection. There was communion and time well spent in reflection of what Christ did for the world on the cross. The worship was also amazing...to think that people walking by the venue could hear 20-somethings praising Jesus' name at the top of their lungs was an unbelievable thought...it was quit a night to remember. After the service Linds, Ashley, Steph, and I went to IHOP at 2:00a...it was so fun, then we went home and crashed and slept in till 12....unreal! ... I love my what Jesus did for ME on the cross. I love my church. I love my friends. I love sleeping in!Such a good Friday.

Saturday -- after sleeping in way too late, we walked around the city and hung out at the local Bou...we're becoming regulars, I love it. Then we ventured home...in the rain, we made it though! Then we headed to a friends birthday party that reminded us of a graduation party...it was funny...but we had a good time. THEN to top off the night, Lindsay and I ran into the mall on our way home to get a last minute Easter outfit essential and bumped into two guys from a local worship band that we poke fun of ALL the time...but they totally recognized us! While we were making small talk, we mentioned where we were living and they told us how trendy we were...Lindsay & I got quit a laugh out of their comments...after we ended the conversation of course.

Easter Sunday -- We spent the night at mom and dads house...because it was a holiday, so we woke up to Belgium waffles and Easter gifts...I still don't understand the whole getting gifts on Easter, but I'm not complaining. Then we headed to church with the fam and church was packed out! It was so great, everyone looked their Sunday best...with pastels, ties, dresses, skirts, and suite jackets. Church was really good, of course. After church we took pictures and went to our families house for dinner. I love holidays, time spent with the family is always time well spent and to warp it off with relaxation is so great!

Easter season seriously makes me SO thankful for Jesus. It's like Thanksgiving, but in the Spring. Being able to reflect on the ultimate gift to man kind is amazing...Christ sent his son for the whole world! It's a lot to wrap my brain around! But not only did he send his son, his son took on OUR shame and rose from the grave to LIVE in you and me and WASH us c l e a n from our shame! Jesus is so good...such L O V E shown on through the death and Resurrection of Jesus.




“For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.”- 2 Corinthians 5:14-15

::Redefining Love

It seems like in today’s world we overuse the word love. Not only are we saying it too much, we’re using it wrong. Instead of using love as a verb, we use it as an adjective. We use love to describe our liking of almost everything, or at least I often find myself doing so. I might say; I love this band, I love those jeans, I love my mom, or I love warm weather.


But do I really, actually love these things? A lot of times we say we love things and yet forget all together how to love others. We overuse a word that, as described in the Bible, has a lot more depth to it than expressing our liking of a new pair of jeans.

Love, in the Bible, is a call to action, something sacrificial you do simply because you love someone. Knowing that “luv is a verb,” as DC Talk would say, we can easily see that God didn’t intend love to be a describing word, but an action word. The Bible calls us to love our neighbor as ourselves, but how often do we actually put this kind of love into action?

This time year, the word love is plastered over everything; cards, candies, shirts, and balloons. What if instead of plastering love onto things, we plastered love onto people around us? What if we acted out what love really means? Read 1 Corinthians 13:1-8,13 carefully and see how Paul describes love.

1 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails. 13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Did you observe what love is not and notice what love actually is? Is that how you are going about loving those around you? Whether it’s your boss, professor, family member, or stranger, this is how we’re supposed to love others. These attributes are vastly different than us trying to describe our favorite jeans. Love is an action that the followers of Jesus Christ are called to display on a daily basis.

The Bible says that things of this world are temporary; therefore we must spend our days loving people more than things. It’s through the action of love that the world will see Christ displayed. Now it’s time we take back what love really means and put into action what God sees as love.

refreshing thought,

"...we have been wandering as spiritual exiles...living in a world that no longer fits our deepest longings." - the prodigal god

:: then LOVE came; filling our deepest longings and desires...what {comfort}

"He who did not spare his own Son,
but gave him up for us all—
how will he not also, along with him,
graciously give us all things?" ROMANS 8:31

We're All In This Together

After attempting to type out a post like ten times......I found a post I liked better than all of my feeble attempts combined from a guy named Tim Schraeder. When it comes out on DVD, I plan on watching it a again with a notebook and pen by my side.

These are some of his tweets, tweeted during the movie, as seen on his post about the film.. I encourage you to read the original post too.

• Maybe the human race [for possessions, fame, power] isn’t meant to be a race at all.
• Loneliness is one of the most extreme forms of poverty.
• Too often we dwell in the past or focus too much on the future that we miss this moment.
• The future will be written by the way we respond to moment that’s in front of us.
• If what happens inside the four walls of the church doesn’t make a difference in the streets that people travel to get there, then maybe we are missing the point.
• We’ve trained ourselves to look past the needs.
• Ignorance isn’t just sleeping through the fire, it’s really just fanning the flame.
• Love has been reduced to define what makes us feel good.
• At the core of who we are, every single human being craves the same thing… love
• Jesus is the ultimate expression of God’s love to humanity.
• Jesus didn’t die to give us religion, He died to give us love.
• Our weakness is a place for God to show His strength.
• God’s picture for the Church for us to be the light to the world around us.
• For too long the Church has made a big deal about the small things, and a small deal about the big things.
• Preaching does not come from the pulpit, it comes from the people of God living their lives out for Him (Brother Andrew)
• We don’t just attend church, we are the Church.
• The Church exists for those outside of it.
• If we want to make history, we need find our place in His Story.
• The love of God cannot be measured but it can be demonstrated.
• We need to preach the Gospel with our actions.
• We’ve made a dangerous division between what’s sacred and what’s secular; nothing is secular, everything belongs to God.
• If you are not a part of the solution, you are a part of the problem.
• What we are not, He is.
• The greatest of these is love.
  
  
  Amos 5:21-24 (The Message)
  "I can't stand your religious meetings.
  I'm fed up with your conferences and conventions.
  I want nothing to do with your religion projects,
  your pretentious slogans and goals.
  I'm sick of your fund-raising schemes,
  your public relations and image making.
  I've had all I can take of your noisy ego-music.
  When was the last time you sang to me?
  Do you know what I want?
  I want justice—oceans of it.
  I want fairness—rivers of it.
  That's what I want. That's all I want.
  
  

Jesus didn't die to give us religion,

He died to show us his LOVE.
LOVE Jesus first,
LOVE His people second.

Join the movement >>
i-heart.org

Speechless

Sometimes I can't find the words that would do any justice to explain what it is that is eating away at my brain .. pondering .. thinking .. praying .. dreaming .. wondering .. questioning .. seeking .. hmmm, yep no words fully describe it.. I am simply left speechless at the magnatuide of my Creator and what it is he is all about. I just have so much on my mind right now I can't explain it. God is a crazy God, he knows what hes doing and for reasons I don't know right now .. or maybe will never know. What I do know right now is, that I am learning and finding God in places I never thought possible, this is a crazy adventure that I need to be okay with. Okay to be inconvenienced. Okay to be used by God in ways I can't imagine! Emotionally, physically, and spiritually.


For I am doing something in your own day, something you wouldn't believe even if someone told you about it. :: Habakkuk 1:5

_________________________________

[EDIT: the next day.]

So this morning I was driving and was thinking, about how I can't find the words to explain just how God has been showing up in my life lately. I switched on the radio and Speechless - Steven Curtis Chapman came on ... hmm, yeah that's God.

"And I am speechless I'm astonished and amazed.
I am silenced by your wondrous grace.
You have saved me,
You have raised me from the grave.
And I am speechless in your presence now.
I'm astounded as I consider how
You have shown us,
A love that leaves us speechless"

THEN, another song came on and the lyrics really hit me and made me think + examine how I am spending the time I have here, right now .. they sort of go along with what I have been thinking a lot about lately; "Don't be afraid to stand out, that's how the lost get found." I love how God works.

Unfailing God.

Yew.. where to begin.. Okay so God + I time tonight was so needed first of all, but wow it was so crazy how God shows up the way he does! Setting the stage for awesome God time; I am home alone for the week while the parents and twin serve in a devastatingly poverty stricken small town in West Virginia. My sister went to South Africa for three weeks serving over there, mainly to the youth. And my older, younger (too quickly turning into a man..ha) brother is also serving (closer to home..but not at home) in a predominantly Muslim community.. I know it will be life-changing for him. Okay, so there you have it.. I am left here with my youngest brother, whom I love and adore. HOWEVER, I am truly, deeply, hate to admit it, actually missing my family being around.. I feel safe with them, safe; physically - protection, emotionally - I can be myself and my true colors show when I am with them, physically - not being able to communicate with them (especially my twin) is SO hard..way harder than I thought! Okay! There you go, that's the background for MUCH needed God and me time .. date with Jesus.. more than a date a true encountering of my God!

Whether I am going to study, serve, or worship I always, try to start God and me times with praying, that God would open my eyes and heart to what he is trying to teach or show me. Side note I have never.. maybe once? Okay, not that I could remember have ever really gotten broken up or truly emotional over praying to my Creator..I know it sounds outrageous (because it is!) but I always, always, have blamed it on that I am JUST NOT AN EMOTIONAL person.. that's why I don't cry over anything.. well lets just say that changed tonight. It sounds strange but I actually have been asking God to so break my heart that I would shed true, raw, and hard tears.. Tonight I did. I just laid it all out there - - e v e r y s i n g l e t h i n g that has been tugging and nudging on my heart.. sin, struggles, doubt, worries, fears, desires, thoughts, dreams .. pretty much everything honestly. Every thought and word I spoke to my Father made me shed tears.. streaming down my face.. I couldn't control it.. I couldn't believe it either! I was actually (finally) crying because I was so heart broken over what I was saying to God.. struggles I had to get off my chest, desires and dreams I am confused about, what ever it was. It's as though, for the first time - - seriously - - the first time I was so vulnerable with God, that I knew and realized that I couldn't run or hide from him.. I was found out, it was like I was sharing my deepest darkest secrets with a friend without holding back, I obviously know God knows my heart inside and out, BUT it means more and does more when we as his prized possessions, children, lovers, can physically speak them out to him and have a true heart to heart with HIM! ((AT THIS POINT OF THIS POST I DON'T KNOW IF ANY OF THIS WOULD MAKE SENSE.. I just want to remember times like this)) Wow.. Okay I have lost all train of thought at this point.. BUT this time of sharing and praying and seeking Gods face was so POWERFUL.. it was so healing and rejuvenating and refreshing for my spirit I could not have asked for a better date.. best date I have ever been on thus far in my relationship with my Love. s i g h . . . wow I forgot ONE more crazy happening .. I had hardly even opened the word after praying and being emotionally distraut (sp? my automatic spell check is currently MIA as I type .. so I can only hope for the best at this point) when I came across this verse, Philippians 4:4-6. Now, I do believe sometimes God might only want us to read just a verse or two and truly meditate on.. it's like quality vs. quantity. So I was like, hmmm I love Philippians (the entire book is amazing) .. so I re-read it a few times and looked at the meaning(s) of the words and really chewed on what the few lines read. When I first read it .. I laughed out loud .. with tears still warmly streaming down my face .. I couldn't believe how it was EXACTLY what God had chosen for me to read, right then and there;

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."
Philippians 4:4-6

pe⋅ti⋅tion

-noun. a request made for something desired, esp. a respectful or humble request, as to a superior or to one of those in authority; a supplication or prayer: a petition for aid; a petition to God for courage and strength.

This verse was literally what I was praying about and asking for! -- AND when I was reading those words, the song Unfailing God - Desperation Band came on.. the thought of knowing how my God has never failed me blows my mind! and plus seeing first hand that God indeed provided the perfect passege for me to read (it's the little things) is so amazing.. I fail TOO much.. everyday.. every minute, and STILL some how, he has enough grace and mercy to love and cherish me the way HE does.. it's crazy! I know, and realize 'God and I' time isn't always this exciting or powerful (to me anyway, just being honest).. BUT what if it was?! My prayer is that my relationship with Christ would never seem boring.. more deep breaths.. Okay I have to go to bed NOW.. work is in a few hours.. not good! Meditate and realize the fact that we have NEVER been unloved, forgotten, unreachable to the Creator.. He is reaching for me, for you..dancing over us, singing over us, waiting, watching.. take hold and don't look back.. it will change your life I promise.