I've sown a seed. Now it's time for harvest

August... is going to be a BIG month. BIG changes coming. BIG decisions being made. Good thing I know a BIG God.

I guess I'm moving to Newcastle, Australia in October for YWAM//dts? [typing that out brings A LOT of emotions to the surface...happy/sad/excited/scared] Yeah, that's TWO months from now?! What am I thinking? I'm starting to think I'm crazy, but that's okay, God is crazy and He can literally do unimaginable things... so I guess it's okay that I'm crazy, if God's crazy. [crazy in all the right ways though!] God's will, God's bill.

I'm learning to FULLY rely on God... HE is BIG enough, STRONG enough, GRACIOUS enough, LOVING enough, and MERCIFUL enough to [want to] use me... it's hard to fathom.

I just got back from leading the BEST middle school missions trip ever. [post/update soon]

I'm actually finding myself in over my head with photography business right now, thanks to senior picture time of the year. This is turning into a really good AND bad thing.

In between a HUGE work week [this week], I have to manage to move EVERYTHING I own back to my parents house. At first I was not for the idea of moving back home, but now... I'm all for it!

It's almost my 21st birthday, birthday's are strange for me, I've never liked change and a birthday is a yearly change... you become another year older, you get further and further away from childhood and are suddenly thrown into adulthood.

For the first time in 15 years, I'm not registering for SCHOOL in August!? [more change...]

I've sown a seed.
Now it's time for harvest.


Wow.. Hmm.. Yeah..

CRAZIENESS

life is so crazy right now. I don't even know where to begin. school is coming to a close (for the semester) equaling more stress to make the grades and get the papers done. my youngest brother was in the hospital for about a week, and is still home from school causing much stress on not only him - both of my parents. he broke his toe a couple of weeks ago, and since doctors can't really do anything to broken toes, it wasn't examined the way it should have ... in the mean while, an infection developed in his big toe bone - which is kind of serious. so he went through surgery in hope to rid him of the infection and he ended up staying over night in the hospital for about six days ... crazy! he is doing better today but is still immobile, using a walker and wheelchair .. poor guy - he even had to do the whole trick-or-treat thing in the hospital. anyway so that situation has been crazy, but God has remained faithful and really had His hand in the situation. then of course fall saw his way out the door this weekend. no more pretty leaves on the trees or sweat shirt weather..it got frosted over by SNOW! thankfully it wasn't enough to call school off or anything, but the fact that it totally overlapped fall made me sad! fall still had a couple more weeks... on top of that a local station is already on 100% Christmas music till the 25th! and then me and my mom were at the mall the other night and it was like it was Christmas eve or something when everyone is panicking and scurrying around to make their final purchases - it was soo crowded and busy! so anyway, another crazy thing is that due to the weather my car has been acting sketchy .. and so pray we make it through the winter! on top of already acting funny, my dad accidentally turned on the 4x4 drive the other day ... 4x4 on relatively dry pavement is not a good or fun situation! and you're probably thinking - oh just turn it off, easier said than done...my car is not in shape enough to simply press the 'off button'...life gets crazy sometimes

okay in other crazy happenings, on Sunday, Cliff spoke out of the end of Act 4, into chapter 5 ... it was very compelling. in an nut shell, we are all carrying our daily burdens and struggles, but we often put them under the rug when Sunday rolls around, as we mock God by lifting our hands and closing our eyes in worship of the Creator of the UNIVERSE, the One who died a sinners death, the One who loves us more than we can imagine and the One who we discard on a daily basis - because we don't feel as if our needs will be fully met when we rely on Him alone, when in all realness and trueness, every need we have or long for is FULLY and utterly met when we solely rely on the Creator and we are given chance after, chance, after chance ... we live one way on Sundays and are to prideful to give up and fully leave our sin, causing us to live a completely opposite way during the rest of the week ... we are all guilty of being hypocrites or liers who cover things up, at one time or another, just as Ananias and Sapphira; as they lied not only to Peter, but to God, ultimatly resulting in their death .. yet God keeps giving us His grace and mercy. when will we stop our old ways and see that we might not have another chance to make things right. I am competely guilty of modeling this frightening routine. God truly opened my eyes on Sunday after hearing this and as we closed with The Stand, the lyrics in that song are so powerful and really made me think... am I completely relying on God with every area of my life, giving Him my burdens and leaving my old ways and wholly surrendering!? we must get off the fence and completely surrender to Him alone!

I pray God, You would show me all of my flaws and reveal to me the thing my pride hides from me, that I might not continue to feel the guilt of living one way during the week and "acting" another way at church as I "worship" the Creator in true mockery fashion. God, allow me to become and remain authentic in every aspect of my life, that I wouldn't have to hide shame and filth! I love You, continue to work through me and use me as You please ...

crazy forty-eight hours.

yesterday in beta (a.k.a. Sunday school) we discussed separating art from the artist or how to find God in every area of life, your job, friends, movies, music, or books. we had some really good discussion about different areas you could find God in, it was interesting ... we also discussed whether you could find God in something that the artist had in a way had tainted. the best example we came up with was the song Healer, that was released on Hillsongs most recant album This Is Our God. The song writer, who thank God wasn't directly connected with Hillsong, had written the song while struggling with his fight with cancer and other medical conditions ... the only thing was, he didn't really have cancer - he was a fraud. he has deceived so many into thinking he was sick and raised support and touched many lives with his story and song, only to find out he was faking. it seems hurtful in a way to think about how someone could do that right..? despite the situation, how can anyone ever sing that song (Healer) ever again and not automatically think of the deceit behind it ... that's where separating art from the artist came in, it was really good discussion. and I've mentioned this one before, but the other idea was finding God in things that weren't meant to be about God. That's how it is for me when I listen to Possess Your Heart, and how if you think of the song as God talking to you - it becomes a worship song almost. It's cool how God works in the big and small areas of life. That brings me to Sunday afternoon, me and Lindsay drove up and over to Grand Rapids to see Matt Wertz & Andy Davis - and it was amazing, definitely worth the two hour trip..the show was amazing and then we got to chat with them after words, it was wonderful! Then today was a normal crazy Monday, in the midst of the chaos - me and Lindsay (for the first time, might I add) locked our keys in the car. thank God our sister was home - cause we were only about a mile from her house. so I called her up and explained the situation quickly cause my phone was really low battery and Lindsays phone has been on the rocks haa, so anyway of course the phone powered down and it would not turn back on, so we are panicking and wondering what to do!? not eve five minutes later we see Brittany drive up and we couldn't believe it cause we weren't sure if she was even home!! so the three of us our in the parking lot of jimmy johns with a wire hanger & a wooden cane Brittany had found at her house (weird I know, but really funny) trying to unlock the car through the 90% rolled down back window...it was probably the funniest scenario I've ever been apart of - cause none of us knew what we were doing and we were all laughing ... cause we could see the keys sitting in the consul. anyway this nice man that was parked next to us offered his assistants so we have a perfect stranger trying to break into our car! haa..we were totally causing a scene cause all these people kept coming up and trying to help or give tips, then my sisters friend Brynn randomly (not knowing we had been there) pulls up and is wondering what we are doing. after we explain we are all laughing and trying to encourage this nice guy that is helping us.. then this other guy pulls up and gets out wearing a "Cornerstone University Dad" asking how he could help and what had happened. - so that kind of rang a bell hmmm, maybe this guy is a Christian.. anyway, long story short - we all (the guys nice guys helping, britt, linds, brynn & me) began to talk about Campus Crusade and then we all figured out that we were all Christians and how funny it was that God had orchestrated life to happen this way. that we would all be encouraged through the frustrating task of getting you keys locked in the car...it was encouraging in a weird way and yes the nice guy (I don't remember his name) got the keys out and we all parted ways...just an example of how God really does show up in every area of life - even if it's just getting your keys locked in the car...