Unfailing God.

Yew.. where to begin.. Okay so God + I time tonight was so needed first of all, but wow it was so crazy how God shows up the way he does! Setting the stage for awesome God time; I am home alone for the week while the parents and twin serve in a devastatingly poverty stricken small town in West Virginia. My sister went to South Africa for three weeks serving over there, mainly to the youth. And my older, younger (too quickly turning into a man..ha) brother is also serving (closer to home..but not at home) in a predominantly Muslim community.. I know it will be life-changing for him. Okay, so there you have it.. I am left here with my youngest brother, whom I love and adore. HOWEVER, I am truly, deeply, hate to admit it, actually missing my family being around.. I feel safe with them, safe; physically - protection, emotionally - I can be myself and my true colors show when I am with them, physically - not being able to communicate with them (especially my twin) is SO hard..way harder than I thought! Okay! There you go, that's the background for MUCH needed God and me time .. date with Jesus.. more than a date a true encountering of my God!

Whether I am going to study, serve, or worship I always, try to start God and me times with praying, that God would open my eyes and heart to what he is trying to teach or show me. Side note I have never.. maybe once? Okay, not that I could remember have ever really gotten broken up or truly emotional over praying to my Creator..I know it sounds outrageous (because it is!) but I always, always, have blamed it on that I am JUST NOT AN EMOTIONAL person.. that's why I don't cry over anything.. well lets just say that changed tonight. It sounds strange but I actually have been asking God to so break my heart that I would shed true, raw, and hard tears.. Tonight I did. I just laid it all out there - - e v e r y s i n g l e t h i n g that has been tugging and nudging on my heart.. sin, struggles, doubt, worries, fears, desires, thoughts, dreams .. pretty much everything honestly. Every thought and word I spoke to my Father made me shed tears.. streaming down my face.. I couldn't control it.. I couldn't believe it either! I was actually (finally) crying because I was so heart broken over what I was saying to God.. struggles I had to get off my chest, desires and dreams I am confused about, what ever it was. It's as though, for the first time - - seriously - - the first time I was so vulnerable with God, that I knew and realized that I couldn't run or hide from him.. I was found out, it was like I was sharing my deepest darkest secrets with a friend without holding back, I obviously know God knows my heart inside and out, BUT it means more and does more when we as his prized possessions, children, lovers, can physically speak them out to him and have a true heart to heart with HIM! ((AT THIS POINT OF THIS POST I DON'T KNOW IF ANY OF THIS WOULD MAKE SENSE.. I just want to remember times like this)) Wow.. Okay I have lost all train of thought at this point.. BUT this time of sharing and praying and seeking Gods face was so POWERFUL.. it was so healing and rejuvenating and refreshing for my spirit I could not have asked for a better date.. best date I have ever been on thus far in my relationship with my Love. s i g h . . . wow I forgot ONE more crazy happening .. I had hardly even opened the word after praying and being emotionally distraut (sp? my automatic spell check is currently MIA as I type .. so I can only hope for the best at this point) when I came across this verse, Philippians 4:4-6. Now, I do believe sometimes God might only want us to read just a verse or two and truly meditate on.. it's like quality vs. quantity. So I was like, hmmm I love Philippians (the entire book is amazing) .. so I re-read it a few times and looked at the meaning(s) of the words and really chewed on what the few lines read. When I first read it .. I laughed out loud .. with tears still warmly streaming down my face .. I couldn't believe how it was EXACTLY what God had chosen for me to read, right then and there;

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."
Philippians 4:4-6

pe⋅ti⋅tion

-noun. a request made for something desired, esp. a respectful or humble request, as to a superior or to one of those in authority; a supplication or prayer: a petition for aid; a petition to God for courage and strength.

This verse was literally what I was praying about and asking for! -- AND when I was reading those words, the song Unfailing God - Desperation Band came on.. the thought of knowing how my God has never failed me blows my mind! and plus seeing first hand that God indeed provided the perfect passege for me to read (it's the little things) is so amazing.. I fail TOO much.. everyday.. every minute, and STILL some how, he has enough grace and mercy to love and cherish me the way HE does.. it's crazy! I know, and realize 'God and I' time isn't always this exciting or powerful (to me anyway, just being honest).. BUT what if it was?! My prayer is that my relationship with Christ would never seem boring.. more deep breaths.. Okay I have to go to bed NOW.. work is in a few hours.. not good! Meditate and realize the fact that we have NEVER been unloved, forgotten, unreachable to the Creator.. He is reaching for me, for you..dancing over us, singing over us, waiting, watching.. take hold and don't look back.. it will change your life I promise.

Ah-mazing summer nights..

Wow. This summer is dreadfully going by faster than I would like, HOWEVER at least I have something to look forward to at the end of my some what 'freedom' ... Hillsong Conference in Miami, which falls at the end of August! So excited, there are no fitting words. That’s beside the point. Summer nights are something I live for; warm breeze, nine o'clock daylight, bon fires, fire flies, being out late because homework isn't calling, or staying up late (and not because a paper is due in a few hours), spending time with friends, or listening to thunder storms. what ever the case my be, I love summer nights. This summer some nights are spent in a different sort, learning, hearing, praising, and talking about my God. Sunday nights, obvious; Lighthouse.. which is always good. And now just for the summer season; Watershed.. which is an amazing time where the women collective of thee Lighthouse Collective are able to spend time digging into God's word as a sisterhood. God has opened my eyes so wide this summer and it's not even over yet..!


I don't enjoy drama, I think girls can be too catty and that sometimes they are too much.. So girls Bible studies always make me a tad nervous at first, but after I test the waters (no pun intended) I really do end up enjoying them. This summer we (as in Watershed::Lighthouse girls) are studying Esther through the Beth Moore Esther: It's Tough Being a Woman study. The study itself is pretty good, but besides the study, the time we spend listening to each other talk is probably (for me) the most powerful. There is something about hearing girls share what they are struggling with and then coming to find that we are all basically struggling with the same exact things from day to day, no matter what background, shape, size, color, or personality we come from. Each of us have at least one thing in common, being a woman. I love that about this group. I love that when I hear a girl share her heart that I can relate to a tee with what she is dealing with. I love that, that is God. I love that God moves in each of our hearts to see Him through someone else’s struggle perhaps. It has been amazing the encouragement I have received from this Bible study and I am so expectant for what God is going to continue doing this summer.. for such a time as this (Esther 4:14) that the women of LH would be able to spend time with one another and share, learn, grow this summer! It is in fact amazing..



like .. love;
Not in a valley girl tone of course, but I do have to say I like love. Who doesn't like love.. Even for a guy, he has to like love, he has to like affection or relationship or contact or communication.. Though this could be coming from his mom or a sports team, I'm not an expert, but it doesn't take a scientist to know that EVERYONE likes love, people like being loved. This summer at Lighthouse, Cliff is starting series called 'Like Love', a dating/relationships/love/friendship/whatever it is series on none other but love! I have to say I am slightly stoked. In high school WSM did a series on love and boy/girl connections.. it was good, but this one will be a bit different seeing that for this group dating is no longer recreational (to some maybe) but for the most part it's now a time where prospective spouses come into play...anyway, what ever the circumstance, the first part was on Sunday and it was exactly what I needed to hear, it was the kind of message (which seems selfish, but true) that was directed right to me! It was all about how you can't think or go about a healthy relationship (boy OR girl) with hidden sin. The call for forgiveness is evidently key and of course something I have grown up hearing, but it was so right in my face on Sunday. I am so excited to hear the rest of what Cliff has to say about God, dating, and relationships in general. d e e p b r e a t h I am excited to see what God does in my heart after this ah-mazing summer.

final thought;
read this and be encouraged..

Love

9 Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.
10 Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.
11 Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.
12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
13 Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality.
14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.
15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.
16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position.[c] Do not be conceited.
17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody.
18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
19 Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay,"[d]says the Lord.
20 On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."[e]
21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Romans 12:9-21

thinking out loud.

I was telling a friend in short last night of the dreams and desires I had in high school ... after finishing the conversation it dawned on me how strange it is that people’s dreams and desires change. Is it because times change, people change, economic change, fads change, is it God himself is molding and crafting your dreams into something more powerful than post high school/college aspirations? What ever it is that shifted my dreams and ambitions makes me wonder where and how I will actually turn out.. These are just thoughts I decided to spew onto the screen .. in the process of thinking, praying, seeking, learning, loving, healing ..

Playing major catch up;

long time coming ...

Oh, The Places I Could Go;

I am a procrastinator. I am a worrier. I am indecisive. I am slightly a perfectionist. I see, I am here for a reason. I am on an adventure. I keep waiting. I need to move into action.. With these thoughts boggling my mind, I was reading Oh, the Places You'll Go to Jack the boy I have been nanny-ing this week. I was shocked at how applicable a Dr. Seuss book could be! I probably have read this child's book before, growing up perhaps -- but it wasn't till yesterday that as I read the words how it almost turned into a, "Oh wow I think God is trying to tell me something in this kids book!!" Last weekend (4 of July) I was at a bonfire with my sisters and some friends, I got talking with a girl there whose boyfriend had been to Australia with YWAM (Youth With A Mission). She told me how it was great for people who didn't really know what they wanted out of life or were unsure of the direction of their life. It sounded amazing as she was explaining what they do down there and how life changing it can be. Basically you go to a different country (or stay in the states - they have YWAM locations almost everywhere) for 4 months, there you go through an intense discipleship program. After the three months of learning and serving locally, your team as a whole chooses where (different location for serving internationally) they will go for two months and serve; applying all they learn from the prior discipleship classes. If that doesn't sound exciting or inviting -- I don't know what does... To me, someone who has no 5 year, let alone 5 day plan, it sounds pretty inviting. Therefore I have been researching and praying about different options and how I could serve with YWAM. I would have to finish up college with at least an associates degree this year, then hopefully go on my Discipleship Training School (DTS) journey, come back to the states and then who knows what ... obviously they are God's plans not mine, I am just trying to iron out the wrinkles of my unmotivated, indecisive, pouty self that needs to wake up and see life for what it is in Christ.. ::deep breath:: maybe this is something God really is calling me to, now I sit back; trust, wait, be still, pray, seek Him, and pursue opportunities.. Here is the part(s) of the book that really stuck out to me and made me think of how I need to apply this literally to my life.

Congratulations!Today is your day.You’re off to Great Places!You’re off and away!You have brains in your head.You have feet in your shoes.You can steer yourself any direction you choose.You’re on your own.And you know what you know. And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.You’ll look up and down streets.Look’em over with care.About some you will say, “I don’t choose to go there.”With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,you’re too smart to go down a not-so-good street.And you may not find any you’ll want to go down.In that case, of course, you’ll head straight out of town.It’s opener there in the wide open air.And will you succeed?Yes! You will, indeed!Kid, you’ll move mountains!Today is your day!Your mountain is waiting.So…get on your way!

Oh! The Places You’ll Go!//DR. SEUSS

You are my joy, You are my joy, You are my joy;

Besides the feel of God's calling on my life and seeming to grow up this summer, in church we began a new series on Joy -- oh my goodness.. SO good, of course I missed today because I am at work BUT that is the beauty of podcast!! Anyway, it was such a blessing to hear what God says about Joy in the Bible and how we can apply it to every situation in our life. My favorite thing said was "We find our joy, when we find God.." -- because how true is that?! How can we have joy in our lives if we aren't seeking God??! It really hit me in the face and made me examine the joy I claim to have in my life .. it could use a tune up no doubt.

PS; I got to go see Paper Route at the Garden Bowl the other night... it was amazing they literally played on a bowling alley, it was a good time.. now go listen to their music.