hodge-poge

1. I'm in the middle of drafting a HUGh-MUNG-Oh update on what God has been teaching me... it makes me excited & gives me chills.

2. The other day I was reading my journal from this year, looking back on this year also gives me chills... I still can't believe what has happened in this short span of time! God has be so evident, His fingerprints are all over my journal... including the Aussie flower I smuggled into the US... don't call Homeland Security on me!

3. I saw this on TMFS [warning: addictive time waster] the other day. Hopefully my future husband is thinking this, one day... because I'm totally keen :)

4. As the weather is changing, I'm missing Australian summer.

5. Did I mention I L-O-V-E my new admin job!? I seriously can't believe I get to do what I do!? God is so good. This weekend I got to connect with heaps of people from the ministry I've never met before...it was so great!

6. Though the bitter weather is coming, I do enjoy the signs & sounds of the coming holiday seasons!! Including the red cups from Starbucks.

7. A friend of mine down unda' sent this to me the other day.. it made my day!

the end.

let men be men!

First of all, the photo has nothing to do with this post, I just like it a lot :) Brit left for Haiti this morning, so she stopped by yesterday arvo to say goodbye.

Here we go...I L-O-V-E the weekends. What a great break from "normal life", right?! Funny story time::: When I tell people I live in Detroit classic questions tend to follow; do I own a gun, have I been to 8 mile, do I know Eminem, or am I in a gang?! It's like when people meet someone from California and just assume they know Miley Cyrus & have been to Hollywood...CA is a big state, what are the chances, honestly. That's besides the point... my grandma lives off of 8 mile... I don't own a gun and I'm not in a gang!

Anyways, Detroit is great... there is lots to do there, cool shops, cafes, museums, parks, ect. It's like every other metropolitan city in North America, except the crime rate is a tad higher & there are heaps more gutted buildings, so what's the big deal? OKAY...so what I'm trying to get at is, roaming the D is all about being smart! You can do whatever you want down there, as long as you're smart. Examples... fill your tank with gas in the burbs, charge your phone, perhaps you should carry pepper spray, and maybe don't go by yourself.

So this brings me to my weekend... Steph and I went downtown [totally prepared; full tank of gas, charged phones, and with each other] on Friday night, so we could see Lecrae live...judge me, it was so good! Very crammed & sweaty, just like when I would go to concerts in high school. We had fun, saw friends and found out what it was like to be the minority...fun times. Post concert nights usually involve getting food, IHOP on Woodward seemed to fit the bill this time around. We got in the car and headed to IHOP. As we headed down the entrance ramp to I-75, we hit a gnarly pot-hole and got 3 feet onto the free-way when Steph's car just stopped. I'm usually not that afraid of situations like this... but we had just come from 7 mile and it was 12 at night... recipe for worry!

I must watch the news too much, because all I could think about was how scary it would be if someone pulled up behind us and got out to "help us". God only knows who/what could pull up behind us to help. After sitting there for maybe 20 minutes, which seemed much longer...trying to start it, again and again, making that call to our dad's...we settled on finally calling AAA to come save us! Literally right when we made the plan to call them, a car pulls up behind us and I looked at Steph & said "this is where it's going to get scary". Side details, it's dark out, her vanity plate reads "BLOND1E", and we're literally in the ghetto of Detroit.

To our delight & relief the car that stopped happened to be some guys from church that we were just with. They saw us & stopped to help... knowing we weren't in the safest part of town & offering all of their prior knowledge of cars. They gladly helped jump/start the car, but nothing worked. We ended up having to get it towed back to Steph's house. The guys offered to drive us back to her house, so we wouldn't have to drive with the tow-truck driver. I was all for this idea! There was no way I was about to pile into a tow-truck with some strange man at 1am in downtown Detroit! Steph... being Miss Independent [love her!] figured we would be fine and protested the idea, the guys insisted...then I reminded her to just let them be men!

What a simple concept right?! Let men be men! Men are good problem solvers and want to rescue/protect, that's how God wired them.... so why do we as women today cringe & dislike assistance from men so much? We want to do everything on our own, we feel like we need to some how prove ourselves. Our society today is fixated on equal rights among genders, which doesn't really make any sense if you think about it... because men are so obviously different than women... each gender has very different qualities and characteristics to contribute to the world and that can't happen if men aren't given the chance to man up!

So ladies... let the men in your life; fathers, brothers, friends or strangers be men!! Let them open the door, fix your car, carry something for you, or assist you in some fashion...even if it's just simple things that allow them to feel appreciated and needed! Okay I'm done ranting...just some thing to consider / think about for your Monday night.

sisterhood

powerful:nurturing:slow-to-speak:feminine:strong:hopeful:graceful
Think of Mary... she changed our world, when she birthed the Savior of the world. I'm curious to see/find what God has in store for the sisters/women in my sphere of influence. I want to change my world, I want us to change the world, together we can/will see... your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven!


"She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come." PROV 31.25

[photo credit here]

holy weekend!

Blessed with the BEST five-day-weekend ever!! Taylor came in from Chicago on Friday night, we drove up north with Lin, Steph & Meg ... had a laughter filled trip up north & met up with Scott & Tina, who are going back to Australia next Monday!! It was so good/refreshing to just sit & talk to them! It was just like old times. I love friends who can pick up conversation right where it left off. Tina's family owns a bakery...so going there at 11-pm to raid it was definitely a high light :) We had yummy meals, quality conversations, & pretty scenic walks. We parted with Scott & Tina on Sunday afternoon, so the girls & I could make it back for Lighthouse...Monday Taylor & I biked 14 miles...went shopping...drank lots of coffee...showed off Detroit...had lots of laughs. ahh...I still can't believe how great my weekend was! Now back to reality... I'm happy it's a three day work weekend.

God you are SO good!! I can't handle it sometimes!!

value human life?

This is one of the most powerful films I have ever seen! I was pro-LIFE before watching this...but now there will never be a doubt in my mind that abortion IS murder of an innocent life. We cannot tolerate this modern-day-holocaust to continue. This hits really close to home...

1.) Close family friends struggled with infertility for quite some time...they endured raw pain/grief/tears before God abundantly blessed them with two precious baby girls.

It's hard to grasp the fact that women choose to kill their flesh and blood out of convenience, when many loving/solid/responsible families are suffering from infertility...but no, a woman couldn't carry a baby for nine months and give her child up for adoption!? It blows my mind!

2.) I was born with a congenital (kon-JEN-ih-tal) heart defect a.k.a. HOLE in my heart [physically + spiritually ;) ] ... I am also a twin. Twins are automatically "high risk", then add a defect, a broken heart...all the more reason to be "high risk" and more likely to abort.

My parents were told by doctors it would be a smart idea to avoid complications. They were even asked by friends if they would consider it...THANK YOU JESUS they didn't!! Thankfully my parents were able to get me the medical attention I needed once my sister & I were born... I can imagine that would have been a very difficult time for my young mom, having a 1.5 year old at home & two itty-bitty baby twins.

Bottom line is, abortion is the easy way out... we weren't put on earth to take the easy way out of lives bumps/curves/valleys...keep your head up in the valleys & GREAT will be your reward! What if my friends wouldn't have held their heads up during their valleys!? Two precious baby girls wouldn't have been adopted into a safe/loving/nurturing family. What if my parents wouldn't have kept their heads up when they found out that having twins would be difficult?! I wouldn't be typing this and my mom would most likely be carrying unwanted guilt. Perhaps re-think the value YOU place on human life......

I won't waste my life.

God is reminding me [a lot] lately to not waste my life.

^"15Look carefully then how you walk!
Live purposefully and worthily and
accurately, not as the unwise and witless,
but as wise (sensible, intelligent people),

¹⁶Making the very most of the time
[buying up each opportunity], because
the days are evil.

¹⁷Therefore do not be vague and thoughtless and foolish, but understanding and firmly grasping what the will of the Lord is.

¹⁸And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery; but ever be filled and stimulated with the [Holy] Spirit.

¹⁹Speak out to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, offering praise with voices and instruments] and
making melody with all your heart to the Lord,

²⁰At all times and for everything giving thanks
in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God
the Father." Ephesians 5:15 [amp]

Recently I remember seeing a movie trailer for a new movie with Justin Timberlake in it. [hopefully you know what movie I'm referring to, because I don't remember the name of it]. From what I could see in the trailer, the characters had a digital time floating above their heads. They were constantly on the run to "buy" more time it appeared. What a picture that is! Sometimes I wish I had a life clock floating above my head! How much more would I get done in a day! How much nicer would I be? How much more time I would spend getting to know God. For me personally, I feel like my daily choices would look a lot different.

Unfortunately God didn't grant us with digital clocks above our heads. We have no idea what our clock is at; it could be at 429,843:03:45 or 9:32:14 ... With a mind set like this, I feel more inclined to not waste my life. Of course, death is a harsh reality, but it's something we need to think about. If I was to die today, what would people say about my life/personality/walk with Christ/how I treat others? Would they have to lie and make things up, to make me sound like a quality person? Would people know that I was a follower of Christ? It reminds me of the old school Nicole Nordman song, Legacy.

I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace who
blessed your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy

Making the most of every minute, hour, days we have is important and it's something I take for granted. I often make plans for tomorrow or the next five years, arrogantly thinking I will be here. I have to remember that God is in control of my clock...today I'm going to start making a more of a conscious decision to let God make my plans & lead me where He needs me. So, I can make the most of my small time on the earth. When I no longer have breath, I want to have done everything I possibly could to expand the Kingdom & impact the world around me.

Now what?

I applied to Moody...again.
Round two. Deja Vu of my senior year of high school. It's kind of cool to think about how different my application essays are from almost FOUR years ago. I would not change anything about the last three years. Life has been exactly how God wanted it to. I met the people I needed to meet, saw the places I needed to see, and experienced God in ways I will never forget. The amount of growth that has happened in my heart is pretty crazy. To think of what God has allowed me to experience since 2008 is nuts! So now what? Time for the waiting game! Wait & trust God knows what He's doing.

full on.

Random rant time... After an almost two month long post-traveling-escape-from-real-life-siesta... I am now employed full time. It's an office job, which I love & the work is not that difficult or grueling, but it's the schedule that I can't handle!! It is so FULL ON... early mornings & 5 o'clock traffic! I really don't understand how parents work full time!? When I come home I don't want to do anything... I just want to go to sleep as soon as possible! It is hard to fathom adding other responsibilities to this kind of schedule... especially other humans! So yeah, I guess I should start praying that I don't have to work like this, when I have my own family. All that to say, this schedule is forcing me to maintain a healthy sleeping schedule, making me super THANKFUL for BOTH of my parents who work hard to provide for our fam and especially thankful that my mom didn't have to work while I was growing up :) Now go give your parents a hug... because they work long hours, so you can have MORE than you need in life!!

loving this song tonight.
Brandon Heath, The Light In Me

aching for Thailand

After calling Thailand home for three months, when I start to think about it
I can't help but REALLY miss it! Today I was missing things like...



customs lines. smoggy sun rises. meeting missionary families. passing out Thai Bibles. an elephant ride. shady internet cafes. laundromats. fitting 18 people in the bed of a pick up truck. skype calls. running around the Chaing Mai moat, early enough to see the monks collecting the offering from the shrines. eating rice for all three meals. grocery shopping at 7-11 and Tesco. the colors and smells of the markets. language barriers. bad coffee, but good enough. baht. church services on the cement floor of an four wall church. Karen grandma's. being offered fanta in a dirty plastic cup. battery powered house electricity. nick names. cold showers, even if hot was an option. mountains. hand motions. song-tow adventure rides. learning. growing. sleeping in a bamboo hut. hospitality. sights and sound of the Burma & Thai border. alive churches. worship in Thai. lights & sights of Bangla Road. putting Satan in his place, before going into the bars. seeing the look on a refugee/orphan's face when she was told she was beautiful. living simply. being the minority/sticking out. roof top worship. sweaty bus rides. crowded streets. torrential rain. smoothies. long church services. the kids. trying to teach English in a creative way. walks to the corner hut for mystery snacks. speaking in church services with translators. bug bites. playing UNO with sponsored kids. MANGO. bucket showers with chickens and pigs. Starbucks for bar ministry intercessions. being faithful in the little. the sight of Phuket from a plane window. live monkey's. secret beaches. hill tribes. motor bikes. street vendors. fashion. uni students. the lady at the cafeteria bakery. wild dogs. won gen. hiking backpacks. seeing so many white tourist men. plastic chairs. Sa-wat-dee Ka / kob-khun Ka. culture sensitivity. trying and trying again to use chop sticks. avoiding spice. seems crackers. bumpy bus rides. seeing God move in Thailand.

that. is. Thailand.

cliché

God's timing IS perfect! These types of statements are unfortunately so cliche now-a-days. When we are going through a trial/hardship/valleys our sound minded friends tell us that His timing is perfect...everything happens for a reason...if it is meant to be, it will be. If we're being honest, we would say it crosses our minds to pop them a good one in the face for telling you 1,000,000x those flipping cheery/encouraging/positive statements!! When we are going through the hard times our vision is blurred. Satan places his smug in front of our eyes and we're blinded to see that God's timing IS perfect.

Two months ago this week: I staggered off of a plane, jet lagged, over dressed and hacking up a lung. Of course I came back with life changing stories, perspective and God-sightings...but I also had no job to come back to, twisted ambitions, $4.00 in my bank account and credit card debt. It seems petty to think that after God literally HANDED me $10,000 in the matter of 6 months.. it seems RIDICULOUS that I would doubt that God would provide for me once I settle back into life in Michigan.

Right when I got home Satan KNEW where & when I would give in... therefore he prowled like lion... I would give into doubting and get upset with God for not giving me a job when I, thought I needed a job. I went into almost every coffee shop, clothing store, library, and small offices handing out my resume...nothing. I spent time calling businesses asking what the status of my application was...nothing. I went into interviews with positive self-talk and Matt Redman's new track Never Once on loop...BELIEVING that God would give me a job...still nothing! How irritating...in my human mind I told myself I had reason to be upset and frustrated, instead of simply waiting.The past two months... I've certainly learned to wait, appreciate solitude, trust more, live simply, and that you can have fun on virtually zero cash :)

In my lessons learned God DID, of course provide me with a job, at American Eagle...paying 7.50, only if I could get a hang of forcing people to buy over priced holey jeans. I went with it, knowing a job was a job...even though I STILL wasn't satisfied. I went to orientation and went home knowing retail was not for me. I seemed like a brat for not appreciating FINALLY having a job, but I really sensed God has more for me than selling graphic tee's. I got a lead on two admin jobs and had a promising interview with Urban Outfitters... brings me to today, I got a part time admin job that pays more and in general suits me more. I called American Eagle and told them I was thankful for their opportunity but wouldn't need their job any more.

He hears what you want,
but knows what you need.

After a year of God CLEARLY proving He does indeed have perfect timing... I can now tell YOU that whatever it is that you are going through right now -- whether minor/insignificant or unbearable/too much -- God's timing IS perfect, He WILL see you through and He WILL remain faithful ... and I'm not trying to be cliché!

Gotta Get Moving.

Am so PROUD! We are doing what we can to get physically fit ...
leading us to be more disciplined spiritually and emotionally.
The three go hand in hand! So we gotta get moving!!

birthday

family. sweet friends. pressies. twin brunch. lunch. dinner. dessert. coffee. the gym. praying for 22+ more.

my prayer: spend it all

"We are not here to prove that God answers prayer, but to be living trophies of God’s grace" - Ossy Chambers

I open up my eyes, oh Lord / To see all the things you've done / I open up my heart, oh God / To feel your unfailing love / And I open up my all to you / All my life for your glory to show / And I open up my soul to you alone / Come make yourself at home

And I'll give all that I have to give / 'Cause it's everything I am, Lord / In this life I'll spend it all for you / I'll waste it all on you

I offer up my mind to you / I long for the truth, you know / I offer up my feet to you / They'll walk straight on the path you show / I offer up my time to you / So keep me and hold me still / And I offer up my hands to you / Lord, use them to do your will

And I'll give all I have left to give / 'Cause it's everything I am, Lord / In this life I'll spend it all for you / Yeah, I'll waste it all on you / I'll waste it all

Let your Spirit take me over, God / 'Cause it's all I ever need / Yeah, you're all I ever need, Lord / And receive this life in offering, God / 'Cause I spend it all for you / Yes, I spend it all for you, Lord / Ooh, I spend it all on you

My new theme song? I think yes.

stop pushing my buttons.!

Satan is pushing ALL of my buttons right now... I feel hopeless, confused, anxious, uncertain, tired, agitated and annoyed. It's hard to go from the top of a mountain to the bottom of the valley. I'm at such a weird vulnerable state right now, one that I've never really experienced in my adult life. I literally do nothing during the day, I have no job, I have no money to go anywhere or do anything...I have to ask my parents for money or they give me a few bucks out of pity... I hate it! I hate feeling & living life like this! I go for a run or a bike ride every morning & wonder how & why my life looks like this!? I seriously ponder what life would be like if I had never left my comfy life in the first place...this time last year I was living on my own, had money in my bank account, and had a generally fun life. Life isn't fun right now...it sucks! I need Your help Jesus...I'm being attacked and I'm allowing Satan to win!? What's wrong with me...help me! I had so much purpose .. meaning .. identity while I was in Australia and Thailand...why is it SO hard to find those things in "real life"?! Maybe I'm just having a bad day...maybe I'm hormonal....maybe God's trying to teach me something & I'm blatantly ignoring the lesson...maybe I'm a brat...what ever it is, I need God to lift me out of this pit I fell into. Jesus keep my head up & push me into the narrow gate, because I need L I F E again...You never said this would be easy.

"Enter by the narrow gate...Because narrow is the gate and
d i f f i c u l t   i s   t h e   w a y   w h i c h   l e a d s   t o   l i f e"
—Matthew 7:13-14

swing swing

Today I took the little boy I babysit for to the park. We went on the swings. I don't remember the last time I swung on a swing, but I loved it! [minus the slight headache that followed] The more & more I pumped, the higher & higher I got...the higher the swing swung, the whiter my knuckles got. I had the tightest grip on those chains. There was no way I could have slipped off that seat.

Why didn't I want to fall off the swing? Because it would hurt, it would be uncomfortable, it MIGHT be fun, and it would definitely involve risk. Okay wow, that's what I want my life to be like! I want to jump off the swing! That's how YOUR life should be! Don't waste your life by holding on to the chains of the swing...let go of the chains that are holding you back & live a risk filled life! Live life full of faith... faith that assures your jump off the swing, will be successful...no matter the outcome! We serve a God that wants us to step forward in faith, it's going to involve jumping off the swing....it starts with me.

"let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and
with the full assurance that faith brings... Let us
hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he
who promised is faithful." hebrews 10:22-23

re: post // one year ago

"... this can only equate to God moving & stirring my life up.
God DOES move in mysterious ways.
When we open our eyes, heart, and mind--He mysteriously moves in."

I LOVE that God has proven himself faithful over this past year...He molded, shaped and redefined my heart to ready me for the next chapter of my life. I love being able to look back and now realize what the mysterious ways were leading up to!

Is this real life?

All of the major details are taken care of,
e x c e p t for the last one ...

Lets review:
Pray about it... check
Talk to my parents about it... check
Apply to YWAM... check '
Worry about it... check
Apply for passport... check
Apply for visa... check
Pray more about it... check
Receive passport... check
Receive visa... check
Buy health insurance... check
Procrastinate... check
Cry about it... check
Change plans & go in Jan instead of Oct... check
Write support letters... check
Make prayer cards... check
Worry some more... check
Stress about it... check
Pray some more... check
Cry some more... check
Send out support letters & prayer cards... check
Plan a fundraiser... check
Fill out resignation forms at work... check
Book flight... check
Get to Australia... _______

GOD is so faithful.
GOD is so good.
GOD is so providing.
GOD is so protective.

Honestly, so far nothing about getting to THIS point of my journey has been easy... but GOD has remained so constant! It's been hard, tiring, painful, scary, and intimidating -- and now I'm this close and God has proven His strength, by getting me past all the hurdles it took to get here. I can't believe this is real life?! I'm going to Australia for three months & around the world for another three months... God is crazy!

Certainty vs. Uncertainty

Being certain of anything is comforting.
–adjective
free from doubt or reservation; confident

Being uncertain of anything is scary.
–adjective
not confident, assured, or free from hesitancy

Certainties:
1. Christian
2. Fillmore
3. American
4. Twin
5. Truth

Uncertainties:
1. Persecution
2. Valleys
3. Mistakes
4. Job loss
5. Risk
6. Life
7. Marriage
8. Children
9. People
10. The World

Even though the uncertainties out number the certainties, they can never out weigh them. The weight that our certainties carry, surpasses ALL and any uncertainty we may face. These past few days, I've been examining the direction my life is heading at present... much of it feels uncertain. Therefore, I'm so glad I serve a God that chose, to cover my uncertainties with HIS certainty!

full of thanks.

Since it happens to be thanksgiving tomorrow, I thought it would be appropriate to spout off what I'm thankful for.



"[Spiritual Fullness in Christ] So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with
t h a n k f u l n e s s.” -Colossians 2:6-7




family;
dad-- providing, sense of humor, protection, caring, strength, health, similarities.
mom-- nurturing, advice, wisdom, caring, protection, discipline, example.
sister 1-- inspiration, wisdom, creativity, independence, outlook.
sister 2-- sharing, closeness, friendship, creativity, similarities.
brother 1-- sense of humor, similarities, dedication.
brother 2-- innocence, driven, humbleness.

church;
Christ-centered pastors, mentors, speaking, fellowship, & worship. facilities, provision, driven, authenticity, passionate, missions minded, generational-ly friendly.

life;
friends, family, opportunity, breath, second chances, lessons, mistakes, freedom, work, play, education, food, clean water, toiletries, technology, medical care, abundance.

adult conversation

Mmm...I want to know, what ever happened to talking about things that don't truly matter in the grand scheme of life? Oh yeah, we grew up... how did my normal everyday conversation shift from Barbies and jump rope to major life decisions so quickly!? Topics are now; traveling to another continent, careers, business, politics, and marriage. It makes me miss casual conversation in the sand box. Innocence seems to slip further and further away... it sounds dramatic, but it's so true. If this was twitter, I would #growningpains