my prayer: spend it all

"We are not here to prove that God answers prayer, but to be living trophies of God’s grace" - Ossy Chambers

I open up my eyes, oh Lord / To see all the things you've done / I open up my heart, oh God / To feel your unfailing love / And I open up my all to you / All my life for your glory to show / And I open up my soul to you alone / Come make yourself at home

And I'll give all that I have to give / 'Cause it's everything I am, Lord / In this life I'll spend it all for you / I'll waste it all on you

I offer up my mind to you / I long for the truth, you know / I offer up my feet to you / They'll walk straight on the path you show / I offer up my time to you / So keep me and hold me still / And I offer up my hands to you / Lord, use them to do your will

And I'll give all I have left to give / 'Cause it's everything I am, Lord / In this life I'll spend it all for you / Yeah, I'll waste it all on you / I'll waste it all

Let your Spirit take me over, God / 'Cause it's all I ever need / Yeah, you're all I ever need, Lord / And receive this life in offering, God / 'Cause I spend it all for you / Yes, I spend it all for you, Lord / Ooh, I spend it all on you

My new theme song? I think yes.

Slight change in plans.

I'm leaving for Australia in January now, therefore I'm able to continue raising support. I have a great sense of peace about it, so I know it's of God. He will and is still providing. Taking everything day by day. Trusting that support will come in. Daily God is preparing me spiritually, mentally and emotionally for this next big step in my journey. It's been exciting thus far... I'm stoked to see what's in store come January!


It's good to because now I can spend the holidays with my family and friends! It will surely be the last 'hooray' before jet-setting to the land down under.

Fall is nigh...but so is summer...what a conundrum!

Ah, ¡Septiembre! For some reason the month of September is the only month I can remember from when I struggled through Spanish in high school & into college. That's besides the point. I just cannot even believe it's SEPTEMBER?! What in the world... why is my life sliding by so quickly and seemingly nonchalantly?! I leave for AUSTRALIA in about 30 days. That's thirty days to wrap things up here, to savor every second of "fall" that I can, to emotionally and spiritually prepare myself and to raise as much support I can. The panic is beginning to set in [typical me...]. Praying, praying, praying for strength and courage as these 30 days of preparing, packing, planning, and taking off come rushing towards me. No turning back now, eh? Exciting and terrifying at the same time. It's strange to me that something that I've only ever dreamed of is coming true in front of my eyes and I'm slightly terrified. God wants to know how much I trust and lean into Him it seems...it's hard but it's what I have to do. A common phrase thrown around in my church family is:

"how big is your God?"

...such a valid question. We so often doubt the power and strength of God... HELLO He can move mountains; He's bigger than any bill we have lingering, He's bigger than any petty conflict we find ourselves in, He's bigger than any dream we're trying to fulfill. There's no way around it, I just have to buckle up for this adventurous, yet terrifying ride that God is about to take me on.

Enough ranting for now. I was just encouraged to read Joshua... I need the courage of Joshua right about now ::

"... I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you. Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their forefathers to give them. Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night {c o m f o r t}, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."
Joshua 1:5-9

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[EDIT...hour later...] just read a devo on Josh 1:1-9!!

God is so cool... He knows what we need, when we need it.

"Obstacles (a.k.a. getting to Australia) are one way that God strengthens faith. When you are confused and cannot see how He could work out your situation, do not walk away in defeat and miss His blessing. He wants to teach you His way of obedience, trust, and courage. Believe Him; He always keeps His promises. "

Season of N O M A D - ness

Life is ch-ch-changing.

room at my parents B E F O R E moving out.6 months later ...
room at my parents A F T E R moving back.

Thanks mom + dad for always taking us back :)

I'm heading to the land down under.
If I get accepted for a visa that is.
$8,650 is the magic number.
Merely pocket change to God, right?

"I'm glad in God, far happier than you would ever guess—happy that you're again showing such strong concern for me. Not that you ever quit praying and thinking about me. You just had no chance to show it. Actually, I don't have a sense of needing anything personally. I've learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I'm just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I've found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am. I don't mean that your help didn't mean a lot to me—it did. It was a beautiful thing that you came alongside me in my troubles."

p h i l i p p i a n s 4:10-14 [MSG]

my future decided?

“my dreams are set in stone and 

someday I’ll be who I want to be, for now I’ll wait"

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about the future.....future defined as: college major (yet, I am already in college?!), where to transfer after next year, moving out, having to buy a ‘new-to-me’ car ... eek, what kind of job will I have one day, what to do this summer -- making money or counseling at lake ann camp, still wanting to get married/wanting a family to take care of one day, longing to go to over seas, wanting to live somewhere warm or at least before I die, perhaps re-applying to Moody Chicago or not ...

decisions, decisions, decisions ... pondering, 'where do I see myself five years from now?' It’s hard to picture what the next five years could hold, because today I don’t even know what tomorrow will hold. I have so many dreams and expectations for my future but I can’t even come up with a major to focus on for the next four years ... I can’t say I am a planner in my personal life, however I have to know everything that is going to happen next. I like to know what is next on the list of to-do’s for the day. I read the last chapter of books & google movie plots before I go see it -- I just like to know what to expect. Only God knows where I will be in five years and it’s up to me to wholly surrender to His plan, it is comforting to know that His plans for my life are bigger and better than the dreams I have.
I can’t settle on expectations or things I want to happen, I need to loosen up the reins and let God steer my life...and stop worrying about where tomorrow will lead, “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.” (Matt. 6:34) ... this concept is so hard for me, it's like living for God is life with out an agenda - because He takes you on a lot of unexpected twists and turns. I don’t like to think of myself as a “worried” person... I prefer the word concerned or aware of what will happen next ... but instead I want to exist to live for today and find excitement in not knowing what’s next.

things I am certain of; I am SO thankful for the new mercies that wash over me every morning, I really do have an amazing family who excepts my human flaws, I am blessed beyond words -- even when I don’t realize it during the valleys of life, and I have a Creator that allows me to sit back and watch while He paints a perfect masterpiece. >>>> so why am I so worried/nervous/anxious about the future?!

God please use me today, as You define my tomorrow.

Moody?

words can't begin to describe what I am feeling right now...
I was able to visit some potential colleges and universities this week there were things I liked and disliked about all of them, but Moody Bible Institute definitely made it to the top of my list of options - for where I will soon be furthering my education. I was blown away by different experiences I had, as I stayed there for two days and nights. I was encouraged through the worship service, my friend Adrienne, and my youth pastor. The students and staff were amazing...each person I met was super friendly and noticeably in love with their Creator. Set right in downtown Chicago made for a beautiful campus and wonderful shopping! Testimonials - if you will, of the students there following God's call for them to be involved in different kinds of ministries were wonderful. So that takes me to where I am right now...I need to trust in God as I begin to make decisions in where I want to go to school and what I want my adult life to look like.

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"Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight."

Proverbs 3:5-6