Matt Redman - King of Wonders

We could try to count the stars,
You already know them each by name.
Every single galaxy was your design,
Your majesty displayed.

Your glory shines before our eyes,
The more we see, the more we love You

King of wonders, we stand amazed,
There’s no other, other than you.
King of wonders, you know the way to our hearts and
The more we see the more we love you.

You reveal and we respond,
You have shown there’s no one like you God
Your love and mercy welcomes us
Into the beauty of this Holiness.

Your glory shines before our eyes,
The more we see, the more we love You
The more we see the more we love You, God.

* compassionart//free song

chew on this ...

*read this passage, we talked about it today in beta [Sunday school] ... God is so amazing and He longs to see us overcome, despite what the enemy spews at us on a daily basis. He truly works and orchestrates situations so perfectly it's mind boggling.

Revelation 12
The Woman and the Dragon

1A great and wondrous sign appeared in heaven: a woman clothed with the sun, with the moon under her feet and a crown of twelve stars on her head. 2She was pregnant and cried out in pain as she was about to give birth. 3Then another sign appeared in heaven: an enormous red dragon with seven heads and ten horns and seven crowns on his heads. 4His tail swept a third of the stars out of the sky and flung them to the earth. The dragon stood in front of the woman who was about to give birth, so that he might devour her child the moment it was born. 5She gave birth to a son, a male child, who will rule all the nations with an iron scepter. And her child was snatched up to God and to his throne. 6The woman fled into the desert to a place prepared for her by God, where she might be taken care of for 1,260 days.

7And there was war in heaven. Michael and his angels fought against the dragon, and the dragon and his angels fought back. 8But he was not strong enough, and they lost their place in heaven. 9The great dragon was hurled down—that ancient serpent called the devil, or Satan, who leads the whole world astray. He was hurled to the earth, and his angels with him.

10Then I heard a loud voice in heaven say:
"Now have come the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God,
and the authority of his Christ.
For the accuser of our brothers,
who accuses them before our God day and night,
has been hurled down.
11They overcame him
by the blood of the Lamb
and by the word of their testimony;
they did not love their lives so much
as to shrink from death.
12Therefore rejoice, you heavens
and you who dwell in them!
But woe to the earth and the sea,
because the devil has gone down to you!
He is filled with fury,
because he knows that his time is short."

13When the dragon saw that he had been hurled to the earth, he pursued the woman who had given birth to the male child. 14The woman was given the two wings of a great eagle, so that she might fly to the place prepared for her in the desert, where she would be taken care of for a time, times and half a time, out of the serpent's reach.15Then from his mouth the serpent spewed water like a river, to overtake the woman and sweep her away with the torrent. 16But the earth helped the woman by opening its mouth and swallowing the river that the dragon had spewed out of his mouth. 17Then the dragon was enraged at the woman and went off to make war against the rest of her offspring—those who obey God's commandments and hold to the testimony of Jesus.

KAIROS CHRISTMAS:

[hint] kairos is the fancy name for Lighthouse Collective small groups where people; make connections, learn, make new friends, build community, grow, trust, or share meals and life together. And for our Christmas party, we were treated to Miyakoa - a Japanese steak house for a very filling dinner, photo op in a giant snow globe and dessert at the Melting Pot ... it was so fun :)

blessing in disguise:

“God moves in a mysterious way
His wonders to perform;
He plants His footsteps in the sea
And rides upon the storm…
In His own time, in His own way”
-William Cowper

Yesterday a dear friend of mine visited me at work or maybe just so she could study, either way – she indirectly reminded me of how our heavenly Father works. So, this past summer was going good, warm, sunny, and pretty – the only good thing Michigan brings for three months. I graduated from HS, had seen family I hadn’t seen a while, hung out with friends all the time, was looking forward to the rest of the summer and what was in store, life was moving fast as I quickly went from a care free high schooler to a more “mature” college student with more responsibilities. I was working a tad above minimum wage at the time, at a job that at the time I really actually loved – despite the pay, the customers, and the management staff … okay I only liked the social aspect. The people that worked there were all young (my age – mid twenties) and really funny and made time go by quickly. I knew in May that I would be going away (various trips & other responsibilities) for three week near the end of July into August. I requested this time off knowing it was a long time and that I would make up for it once I returned. My boss was totally cool with it and off I went. Little did I know July would be the last time I was punched in at work … So there I went, honest to goodness serving my Creator at a camp for disabled/abused kids – which was a truly amazing experience, once home after about ten days, I loaded on to yet another bus about three days later and headed up North to counsel at my churches summer camp – which again was a huge blessing and growing experience. After that I was finally home, but not going back to work just yet – my family, about 41 %: my mom, dad, and twin sister went down South for a missions trip with our church. That left my two little brothers, my older sister and myself with the house to ourselves for an entire week. My twin had been withholding a decent paying nannying job that summer, and I volunteered my services as she was away. Alright so the three weeks were finally up and I was at my church on a Sunday afternoon before Lighthouse, when it dawned on me to call my work and see when I was scheduled for the following week… that’s when it happened and when I heard th e words I honestly NEVER thought I would hear on the other end “you’re not on the schedule.” – those words translate to your fired, adios amigos, go find another job, or your time here is through. The first thing that came to my mind were, oh they are just pulling my leg (seeing that the guy who I was talking to, a fellow employee and someone who was known for being very sarcastic and never took life seriously), so still in shock I actually asked for the other guy who was also working, for a reassurance my time was through or to second his remarks. He wasn’t lying or joking he was telling the hurtful truth. I was sad – this was a job that I enjoyed on most days and had really grew to love the people I worked with, so it was like I was being cut off from a group of friends in a way. Not only that I had been working there for almost a year which for an after school job is pretty impressive. The next thing that came to mind was settling with the fact that I had to get a new job – and if you know me at all you know I hate change, change in the weather, change in friendships or change in every area of life. I also dreaded the idea of having to go in for interviews or knowing that the job market was super sketchy at the time. So many things went through my mind: Why me? Why know? God, You know I am starting school in a couple of weeks and know I NEED a job? You know I liked the people I worked with. You know it was convenient to get to and had flexible scheduling options. You know I hate change!?

So August met me with the craziness of registering for classes, getting ready to start a new chapter of life – entitled College, and looking so desperately for a new job or source of income. I applied and looked into a lot of different coffee shops, book stores, restaurants, because the only two jobs I had ever held were in the food biz. I also applied to be an intern at for my churches youth ministry, something I really wanted and had a passion for and had really been praying for – but God closed all those doors and opened another door instead. One day my mom, being as wise and helpful as she is, suggested applying at our local Library. Okay in all honesty I laughed at the thought of even applying to such establishment. First because I’m not a reader – I can read, I choose not to read for enjoyment, unless I know it's really good … plus the only time I read tends to be forced upon, because my education requires such exercise. Another issue being my older sister was once fired from a library, - so we have a past and the only thing I think of when I think of libraries are; mean, old, unreasonable librarians. Therefore the idea of applying to work at one sounded preposterous! But because I know my mom really does always knows best, I applied anyway and a week later to my delight I was called in for an interview. I put nice clothes and makeup on and went in for my interview. I get super nervous on things such as interviews and of course this one wasn’t any different. My now boss was asking what I knew about computers and I was thinking in the back of my mind – uhh not enough to be helping someone … little did I know the job description involved working in the computer center. To my delight, God closed a door just to so graciously open another one instead. I started officially in September and I love it…the library that is. The job is a lot more professional than any other jobs I’ve had in the past and it looks better on a resumé. Not to mention I am getting paid three bucks more than I was at my last job – which does add up. I get homework done and get paid for it … yeah it’s sweet.

° ° ° ° °

*All that to say, God really does bless us when we least expect it. This may be a silly or not so serious situation, and I know I've had bigger problems than having to find a new job, but any situation we face causes us to stop and wait on God . It may take time, patience’s, courage, or maybe pain to see the light at the end of the tunnel sometimes – but He does not and will not fail us. When we seek Him, He is the one that approaches us with His never ending love and mercy. God can bless us in the smallest, biggest or even strangest ways but we can’t be blessed unless we diligently seek His face, through prayer, staying in His word, growing with other believers, or telling the world of this amazing Love! Blessings are in disguise because, God may take away or close doors just to open another door for reasons we can't understand & things may seem really bad or hard at the time ... but in the end, we find what a blessing that situation really was. As Christians, it is up to us to have faith and trust in God, as He can truly do the impossible, things unimaginable .. and in Gods perfect timing He will bless us. Oh God lets us press on --- that we may find Your favor through trials or pain, so that we may find Your blessings in disguise.

“Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.” - James 1:12

procrastination, is my middle name

why am I such a procrastinator!?

I leave things till the last minute way to much .. that needs to change if I want to go anywhere in my life. I lack motivation, this is definitely a flaw of mine and something I need to work on as soon as possible....because everything I do must glorify my Creator, the One that gives me the ability to do things in the first place, God help me stop procrastinating so much and let me move into action.

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart,

as working for the Lord, not for men,

since you know that you will receive an inheritance

from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving"

Colossians 3:23-24

my future decided?

“my dreams are set in stone and 

someday I’ll be who I want to be, for now I’ll wait"

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about the future.....future defined as: college major (yet, I am already in college?!), where to transfer after next year, moving out, having to buy a ‘new-to-me’ car ... eek, what kind of job will I have one day, what to do this summer -- making money or counseling at lake ann camp, still wanting to get married/wanting a family to take care of one day, longing to go to over seas, wanting to live somewhere warm or at least before I die, perhaps re-applying to Moody Chicago or not ...

decisions, decisions, decisions ... pondering, 'where do I see myself five years from now?' It’s hard to picture what the next five years could hold, because today I don’t even know what tomorrow will hold. I have so many dreams and expectations for my future but I can’t even come up with a major to focus on for the next four years ... I can’t say I am a planner in my personal life, however I have to know everything that is going to happen next. I like to know what is next on the list of to-do’s for the day. I read the last chapter of books & google movie plots before I go see it -- I just like to know what to expect. Only God knows where I will be in five years and it’s up to me to wholly surrender to His plan, it is comforting to know that His plans for my life are bigger and better than the dreams I have.
I can’t settle on expectations or things I want to happen, I need to loosen up the reins and let God steer my life...and stop worrying about where tomorrow will lead, “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.” (Matt. 6:34) ... this concept is so hard for me, it's like living for God is life with out an agenda - because He takes you on a lot of unexpected twists and turns. I don’t like to think of myself as a “worried” person... I prefer the word concerned or aware of what will happen next ... but instead I want to exist to live for today and find excitement in not knowing what’s next.

things I am certain of; I am SO thankful for the new mercies that wash over me every morning, I really do have an amazing family who excepts my human flaws, I am blessed beyond words -- even when I don’t realize it during the valleys of life, and I have a Creator that allows me to sit back and watch while He paints a perfect masterpiece. >>>> so why am I so worried/nervous/anxious about the future?!

God please use me today, as You define my tomorrow.

snow + tunes

I am at school right now, looking out this huge window in complete despair, due to what I am seeing .. for someone who already has a terrible case of the Mondays, this (being snow) is not helping! in my book, snow should only come around for a couple days before Christmas and be gone no later than January 5th .. it's scary to drive in, it eventually turns brown & ugly and makes the bottom of your favorite jeans all salty .. actually, in my book, a lot of things would be different - okay that's enough complaining for the day ... On the brighter side of things, I can't stop listening to Brooke Fraser's Albertine. Each song on the album is good .. an album that you can listen to in its entirety is a good album .. so yeah, there's my plug it's only like 8 bucks on itunes, so check it out.

we must keep running

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."

Hebrews 12:1-3

Gods Love Letter.

I LOVE THIS..such a good reminder

"Everyone longs to give themselves to someone, to have a deep soul relationship with another to be loved thoroughly and exclusively. But God says to a Christian - no, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and content with being loved by me alone, with giving yourself totally and unreservedly with me. With having an intense, personal and loving relationship with me alone, discovering that only in me is your satisfaction to be found. Then you will never be united with another until you are united with me exclusively of anyone or anything else. Exclusively of any other desires or longings. I want you to have the best. Please allow me to give it to you. I want you to stop planning and stop wishing and allow me to give you the most thrilling plan existing, one that you cannot imagine. I want you to have the best so just keep watching me, expecting the greatest thing and listen and learn the things I tell you. You just wait . . . that's all. Don't be anxious. Don't worry. Don't look around at the things others have received or that I have given them. Don't look at the things you think you want, just keep looking to me or you'll miss what I want to show you and then, then, when you are ready, I'll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than any you can dream of! You see, until you are ready, and until the one I have for you is ready -- I am working at this very moment to have the both of you ready at the same time -- until you are both satisfied exclusively with me and the life that I have prepared for you, you won't be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with me. And this is perfect love. And dear one, I want you to have this wonderful love. I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with me and enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty, perfection and love. Kno that I love you, I am God. Know it and be satisfied!"

(Author Unknown)

CRAZIENESS

life is so crazy right now. I don't even know where to begin. school is coming to a close (for the semester) equaling more stress to make the grades and get the papers done. my youngest brother was in the hospital for about a week, and is still home from school causing much stress on not only him - both of my parents. he broke his toe a couple of weeks ago, and since doctors can't really do anything to broken toes, it wasn't examined the way it should have ... in the mean while, an infection developed in his big toe bone - which is kind of serious. so he went through surgery in hope to rid him of the infection and he ended up staying over night in the hospital for about six days ... crazy! he is doing better today but is still immobile, using a walker and wheelchair .. poor guy - he even had to do the whole trick-or-treat thing in the hospital. anyway so that situation has been crazy, but God has remained faithful and really had His hand in the situation. then of course fall saw his way out the door this weekend. no more pretty leaves on the trees or sweat shirt weather..it got frosted over by SNOW! thankfully it wasn't enough to call school off or anything, but the fact that it totally overlapped fall made me sad! fall still had a couple more weeks... on top of that a local station is already on 100% Christmas music till the 25th! and then me and my mom were at the mall the other night and it was like it was Christmas eve or something when everyone is panicking and scurrying around to make their final purchases - it was soo crowded and busy! so anyway, another crazy thing is that due to the weather my car has been acting sketchy .. and so pray we make it through the winter! on top of already acting funny, my dad accidentally turned on the 4x4 drive the other day ... 4x4 on relatively dry pavement is not a good or fun situation! and you're probably thinking - oh just turn it off, easier said than done...my car is not in shape enough to simply press the 'off button'...life gets crazy sometimes

okay in other crazy happenings, on Sunday, Cliff spoke out of the end of Act 4, into chapter 5 ... it was very compelling. in an nut shell, we are all carrying our daily burdens and struggles, but we often put them under the rug when Sunday rolls around, as we mock God by lifting our hands and closing our eyes in worship of the Creator of the UNIVERSE, the One who died a sinners death, the One who loves us more than we can imagine and the One who we discard on a daily basis - because we don't feel as if our needs will be fully met when we rely on Him alone, when in all realness and trueness, every need we have or long for is FULLY and utterly met when we solely rely on the Creator and we are given chance after, chance, after chance ... we live one way on Sundays and are to prideful to give up and fully leave our sin, causing us to live a completely opposite way during the rest of the week ... we are all guilty of being hypocrites or liers who cover things up, at one time or another, just as Ananias and Sapphira; as they lied not only to Peter, but to God, ultimatly resulting in their death .. yet God keeps giving us His grace and mercy. when will we stop our old ways and see that we might not have another chance to make things right. I am competely guilty of modeling this frightening routine. God truly opened my eyes on Sunday after hearing this and as we closed with The Stand, the lyrics in that song are so powerful and really made me think... am I completely relying on God with every area of my life, giving Him my burdens and leaving my old ways and wholly surrendering!? we must get off the fence and completely surrender to Him alone!

I pray God, You would show me all of my flaws and reveal to me the thing my pride hides from me, that I might not continue to feel the guilt of living one way during the week and "acting" another way at church as I "worship" the Creator in true mockery fashion. God, allow me to become and remain authentic in every aspect of my life, that I wouldn't have to hide shame and filth! I love You, continue to work through me and use me as You please ...

wonderful weekend get-a-way

watershed retreat 2008//re:life

this past weekend about 40 girls went to a beautiful golf resort in west michigan, for time away from the world and encountered God in ways they could have only dreamed of. they learned how to truly love God, life, others, and who God created us to be. many tears were shed and laughs were shared ... it was relaxing, refreshing, renewing, all at the same time.

CONTENT

everyone is asleep and the house is quiet as I am sitting very comfortably on our over stuffed cozy couch, wrapped in my fleece ikea blanket, itunes is on quietly keeping me company as I type; all I hear is band of horses detlef schrempf playing softly, accented with the smooth humming of the heat kicking on....ahh fall has officially fallen, in the midst of me wrestling with the fact of the air remaining crisp until at least mid april .... honestly, why is this state so cold! right now life is going by fast and it seems like I never have time to get things done, therefore sitting here in the quiet is very refreshing, and relaxing - I can finally take a breath. fall is one of my favorite seasons, one reason being that, it offers such lovely indulgences such as; cinnamon donuts, hot cider, hot chocolate, carmel apples, apple crisp, homemade apple or pumpkin pie! I could go on....and then there are the activities; hay rides, pumpkin carving, apple picking, going to the cider mill, admiring beautiful leaf color change, raking leaves & jumping in them. it makes me happy & I am really content at the moment, but in the back of my mind are hidden all of the tasks and lists of things that will bombard me tomorrow ... I am going up north this weekend for the first ever watershedretreat - I am very excited, but just have a lot to do before then; work, laundry, pack, study, pass a history test, finish shooting for our kairos video (which I am excited to see!!) ... it will all get done, it alway does - but the getting there is always an adventure ... God works in funny ways, ways we don't think are possible, but when we sit back and wait, there ends up being a very good possibility of something great happening ... just a thought - I'd stay tuned. one more thing before my head meets the pillow ...

dream job*

ok so I am at work right now. what is work? - sitting at the 'help desk' in the computer center at my local public library. I am sitting at a marble half circle desk, monitoring six rounded tables with six computers each, all I hear is people typing and sound of busy traffic outside - as people take their lunch break, the air is really dry and I can't help sneezing, the sun is shining down through this huge (and I mean huge) sky light window that covers more than half of the room, I've been here since nine-thirty when the library opened, I have taken a few phone calls and only answered about three questions; "How do I make a copy using the copy machine?" , "How would I find the 'League of Woman’s Voters' website?", and "Do you know what major city is off of I- 75, and its not Mackinaw or Traverse City (using his 'Michigan' hand as a reference of course)?" ... answer being Gaylord Michigan - props to Google maps and fast internet. So this is my job ... seriously I am getting paid right now, sometimes I feel guilty because I am almost doing nothing! Normally I get all of my homework done while on the job (my boss said it was okay), so today I attempted to start writing a paper I have to write for my history class, but I forgot my book at home ... so now I am stuck here for one more hour with no homework to do … I kind of like this quiet, quiet is good to an extent; I have a big family so I am used to noise, which I like. Anyway, I am done rambling...

I hope everyone has a glorious day!

crazy forty-eight hours.

yesterday in beta (a.k.a. Sunday school) we discussed separating art from the artist or how to find God in every area of life, your job, friends, movies, music, or books. we had some really good discussion about different areas you could find God in, it was interesting ... we also discussed whether you could find God in something that the artist had in a way had tainted. the best example we came up with was the song Healer, that was released on Hillsongs most recant album This Is Our God. The song writer, who thank God wasn't directly connected with Hillsong, had written the song while struggling with his fight with cancer and other medical conditions ... the only thing was, he didn't really have cancer - he was a fraud. he has deceived so many into thinking he was sick and raised support and touched many lives with his story and song, only to find out he was faking. it seems hurtful in a way to think about how someone could do that right..? despite the situation, how can anyone ever sing that song (Healer) ever again and not automatically think of the deceit behind it ... that's where separating art from the artist came in, it was really good discussion. and I've mentioned this one before, but the other idea was finding God in things that weren't meant to be about God. That's how it is for me when I listen to Possess Your Heart, and how if you think of the song as God talking to you - it becomes a worship song almost. It's cool how God works in the big and small areas of life. That brings me to Sunday afternoon, me and Lindsay drove up and over to Grand Rapids to see Matt Wertz & Andy Davis - and it was amazing, definitely worth the two hour trip..the show was amazing and then we got to chat with them after words, it was wonderful! Then today was a normal crazy Monday, in the midst of the chaos - me and Lindsay (for the first time, might I add) locked our keys in the car. thank God our sister was home - cause we were only about a mile from her house. so I called her up and explained the situation quickly cause my phone was really low battery and Lindsays phone has been on the rocks haa, so anyway of course the phone powered down and it would not turn back on, so we are panicking and wondering what to do!? not eve five minutes later we see Brittany drive up and we couldn't believe it cause we weren't sure if she was even home!! so the three of us our in the parking lot of jimmy johns with a wire hanger & a wooden cane Brittany had found at her house (weird I know, but really funny) trying to unlock the car through the 90% rolled down back window...it was probably the funniest scenario I've ever been apart of - cause none of us knew what we were doing and we were all laughing ... cause we could see the keys sitting in the consul. anyway this nice man that was parked next to us offered his assistants so we have a perfect stranger trying to break into our car! haa..we were totally causing a scene cause all these people kept coming up and trying to help or give tips, then my sisters friend Brynn randomly (not knowing we had been there) pulls up and is wondering what we are doing. after we explain we are all laughing and trying to encourage this nice guy that is helping us.. then this other guy pulls up and gets out wearing a "Cornerstone University Dad" asking how he could help and what had happened. - so that kind of rang a bell hmmm, maybe this guy is a Christian.. anyway, long story short - we all (the guys nice guys helping, britt, linds, brynn & me) began to talk about Campus Crusade and then we all figured out that we were all Christians and how funny it was that God had orchestrated life to happen this way. that we would all be encouraged through the frustrating task of getting you keys locked in the car...it was encouraging in a weird way and yes the nice guy (I don't remember his name) got the keys out and we all parted ways...just an example of how God really does show up in every area of life - even if it's just getting your keys locked in the car...

Quickie update..school is going well, my job is excellent, God is good, and fall has officially fallen. I am currently sitting in Caribou [which is so cozy and warm compared to the rainy cold night that's waiting for me to walk out to my car] taking part in their delightful free internet access...ours was going a tad slow for my liking..*I love things in life that are free; samples, library books, or hugs..this week has gone by really fast - so I am pretty happy about that, but it’s been a weird week. on Sunday a girl that I actually didn’t personally know, but a lot of my friends from camp and lighthouse knew (therefore affected by the situation); died in a car accident. It really puts life into perspective, be praying for her family and friends - but we can all rest in the fact that we will see her again. we get so caught up in our busy lifestyles and forget how short life is, remember to really drink it in deep the time God has given you today, because we aren’t promised tomorrow.. so anyway, then it got super cold and rainy here like overnight to my dismay..but this weekend me and my twin are driving up north to see thee Matt Wertz live..I am pretty stoked!!

*I miss this entrance

never let me go - hillsong

*in the storm in the raging sea
Love conquered the fear
& delivered me
& I know You'll never let me go
Love in the shadows
be the light who leads me on
Your love I will follow
be my guide, Your will be done

I have so much to be thankful for ...

• new job: I now work at the library, and I know what you're thinking...but it's the most ideal job ever! I sit at a help desk, basically helping old people print from their computer or help make copies...in the mean time [as told by my supervisors] I work on my homework! and it's perfect because it's quiet, I can get school work done and I am getting paid pretty decent...like almost three bucks more than I was making at my last job. and they just remodeled and it's one of the nicest libraries I've ever been in, with all brand new computers & such...it's a really nice place to work!
• oasis leader: as of this school year, I started helping out with my churches middle school ministry [called oasis] as a sixth grade girls leader. I love all the girls in my group, they bring me such joy, yet they are so innocent and it makes my heart hurt to think of this world they have to face, with all the pressures this world throws at young girls; looking a certain way, finding security in having a boyfriend, trying to make it to the top of the social latter....the list goes on...but when I look past that aspect, I see myself in some of the girls! I love it and God is really showing me how to love them - even though a lot of them I just met for the first time a couple weeks ago..

• the weather: so I guess because of the hurricanes down south [thank God we don't get hurricanes from lakes..] this past week and a half I want to say, has been the rainiest/cold/hot/humid/fall like weather ever [Michigan weather is very unpredictable], but this week has really cleared up...to blue sunny skies, and not to hot and not to cold - good sweat shirt or sweater weather, which I love!
• my health: So I have been running a lot lately, mostly because the weather is cooling down - making it more enjoyable to run outside & so I can stay in shape I guess..and me and some friends might run a 5k for the Thanksgiving day parade! anyway as I am running I always think about the fact that some people can't even walk let alone run, so I am pretty thankful I can get up in the morning and go on a good run..

back to the books

"Don't you love New York in the fall? It makes me wanna buy schoolsupplies. I would send you a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils if Iknew your name and address. On the other hand, this not knowing has itscharms."

- You've Got Mail

---

OK. So today was my first OFFICIAL day of being free from the bondage known as school [k-12] - it sounds so cliché but it couldn't ring more truth...while most people, kids, children, ect. headed off to government or private school facilities I went to my college class, one class that started around nine and lasted about an hour and a half...so when I got home I had the rest of the day to do whatever I needed to or wanted to - it was trulyglorious! I did all of my laundry, met my mom for lunch during her break, ran some errands, got organized for the semester, went on a two mile run, folded laundry, sat & read in a book store, and filled out more job applications...that may not seem that fulfilling...but to me it felt so good to accomplish so much on a "school day".
*in other news, I went to barnes & nobles with my twin tonight, it was icing on the cake of my wonderful day let me tell you...so we were bumming around and I found the book entitled for young women only....they have one for just about every walk of life; men only, young men only, women only...you get the idea. so anyway last summer when I worked at camp a lot of the girls in hotel [the giant house full of 30 girls I stayed in all summer] had been passing it around and reading it & saying how good it was....so it was that good, I read like the first two chapters & skimmed the rest of it in the café and I was even going to make an honest person out of myself & purchase it, but times are tight being unemployed .. anyway, it was really insightful, even if you're dating, not dating or are thinking about dating.. it had all sorts of polls and interviews with anonymous guys, that were telling it like it is on things like ; how they want to be treated, what they are really thinking when girls act certain ways, why they what they do .... it was so good. it really got me thinking about how I treat the men in my life; my dad, my two brothers, friends and of course my future husband...

Romans 12:1 & 2

"Therefore,I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies asliving sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformedby the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approvewhat God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."

life is strange right now.
a lot of situations are making
me wonder or think about things.
life is changing and decisions are being made.
God is still good and He is the God that p r o v i d e s ...
well summer is almost over, classes start soon
- still praying about potential job opportunities
life is going quickly........
pray & seek
patiently.

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random summer re-caps:

So I go to a fairly large 'mega church' as the kids say, anyway so we have enough kids to have our own sleep away camp - which is sweet, not a lot of churches have enough resources to do that. Since I love camp, I volunteered to counsel for the week of camp...it was so much work I don't even know how people do that for entire summers..it was crazy, God taught me a lot and I loved all of the girls in my cabin - so many stories and funny moments that I won't ever forget, good times were had in northern Michigan!

I became a mom for a week...literally. My father, mother, and twin sister went on a missions trip. Leaving me, my two younger brothers and my older sister who worked all night shift so I could work during the day...so my week consisted of getting up too early, going to nanny and coming home to my brothers...we had some good times - we ate out a lot because by the end of the day I was not feeling the whole cooking scene...then by the end of the week it was just me and the boys because my sister and her friend biked to Jackson [about a hour & half drive]

Other random times included; girl talk...the talk you can't talk with anyone else...countless hours spent drinking coffee at rams horn till the wee hours of the night [a local diner that is open 24/7 & our friends own it...so it's clean and the service is good], raining walks through downtown Detroit, amazing time of prayer and worship, my 19th birthday, random bikes rides, turning over new leafs, going up to Lake Ann for the weekend [my second home], going to short & sweet wedding ceremonies, Mexican dance parties, spending more time at the beach, long drives and good talks...

sing-a-long

*go download Phil Wickhams
live album for FREE here.

CAMP BARNABAS

God has blessed me with one of the most memorable
& life changing summers of my life.*

Life is going by so fast at this time in my life and I feel okay with it. Earlier in July me and a team of 30 students and leaders headed down to the small almost none existent town of Purdy Missouri. Purdy might not have a huge population of citizens, but it has an amazing camp that has a lot of heart. We arrived at Camp Barnabas after staying the night in Lafayette Indiana...a whopping 13 hour drive all together, there were some good conversations and to much fast food. Side note, Camp Barnabas is a camp that offers a normal week at camp to kids with special needs, ranging from emotional disorders, chronic illnesses or down syndrome. Each week specializes in different areas, so one week every camper may be in a wheel chair. The week we were apart of specialized in kids dealing with chronic illness, life threatening disease and emotional disorders. Going into this I honestly was thinking how easy it would be, and that just because our campers wouldn't be in wheelchairs that it would be a piece of cake...I was wrong. God opened my eyes in ways I never thought possible. HE showed me joy displayed by children that only ever knew sickness, despair and pain of needles or treatments. HE showed me to truly see beauty from pain and to embrace the time we have here, because it can leave us sooner than we think. Everything I learned were things I knew in my hear but had never been able to experience first hand. In my cabin there were seven different girls ages 6-10 and they each had their own story of pain, healing and hope. Emily, the most adorable talkative 7 year old had bipolar and other emotional disorders from past physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. Abby, Emily's younger sister, the sweetest, most cuddly, 6 year old had Cystic Fibrosis and emotional disorders. Hope, the most outgoing, loving, craziest 35 lb. 7 year old had HIV AIDS. Courtney, didn't only have a sweet name, she had the kindest spirit and was always smiling and she was a 8 year old burn victim. Sydney was the most brilliant, smarter than me, and sarcastic which I loved, and at only 10 years old had just had a brain tumor removed earlier this year. Bethany was my 'priority camper' so where she went I went (and the other campers also had their own individual counselor). Bethany happened to be a 'sibling' (Camp Barnabas is offered to the siblings of those suffering, to give the parents a little break) of another camper with hemophiliac....therefore she was perfectly healthy and physically okay, that didn't mean she didn't need to be loved on though. She was the most timid, to herself, but sweetest 8 year old I have ever met, and by the end of the week was one of the most outgoing campers. The last camper was Aerial, also 8 years old and a tad timid at first but had a sweet, kind and caring demeanor.

Each camper was different, had different needs, wants, thoughts, niches, but each had over-wealming joy about life, even though some of them could be cut short soon. These campers taught me how to appreciate the little things in life, that the small things do matter, that people and relationships do matter and that even in the hardest, darkest times of life there is always a glimpse of hope, joy, peace, and love - Jesus. This experience showed me that when I have a bad attitude about things that in the end don't matter, I think of these girls who have life a lot harder than a spoiled, ungrateful 18 year old. Wow, God does amazing things through people and through life. He orchestrates life in the most perfect ways. God is doing amazing things at Camp Barnabas, it is blessing and changing so many lives.

what's new

update......it's been awhile
my life is getting to busy,
but not the point where
I'm not enjoying myself..

I have been working almost everyday & hanging out on weekends and nights, leaving little time to take it all in. this weekend I did two service project type things with my church, that were truly amazing. they really showed me how much God has blessed me in every area of my life. last night I went to a bar-b-q with; old friends whom I caught up with, new friends, and the friends I see all the time, ha....there were a lot of us, so it was fun. then we all walked down to see some fireworks, in celebration of the 4th of july. afterwards we had a bon fire, so it was relaxing. tonight I'm going to a festival downtown and I am pretty excited...although I have to open tomorrow at work so I might regret it, tomorrow morning. I leave in two weeks to counsel at Camp Barnabas - a camp designed specifically for mentally handicapped kids. I was nervous at first but now I cannot wait, it is going to be such a life changing adventure and I am so ready to take it on! On top of that, two days after I get home I am counseling at my churches summer camp, for 2nd and 3rd grade girls - which is an age I love...and I love camp, what could be better!?

death cab

death cab for cutie
live was amazing.
just like the album.

when they sang I will possess your heart, my friend compared the lyrics to your relationship with God, to listen to the song as if God was talking to you...it's pretty amazing the love and grace He has for us.

---

"How I wish you could see the potential,
the potential of you and me
It's like a book elegantly bound,
but in a language that you can't read just yet
You gotta spend some time
love, you gotta spend some time with me
And I know that you'll find
love, I will possess your heart
There are days when outside your window,
I see my reflection as I slowly pass
And I long for this mirrored perspective,
when we'll be lovers, lovers at last
You gotta spend some time
love, you gotta spend some time with me
And I know that you'll find
love, I will possess your heart
I will possess your heart
You reject my advances and desperate plea
I won't let you, let me down so easily."

I'm sorry for ...

rambles&complaints
apologies to anyone who reads this (if anyone reads this)

---

it's been a long weekend, I'm not thinking clearly, and my sleeping habits have been altered for the time being because of my school outrageous senior all night party (hence the time this is being posted). it started friday around two o' clock when I went into my most miserable, annoying, crazy day of work. now that I am out of school I can work longer shifts...and this one I happened to be an eight hour shift by my self...long story short I sliced open my thumb while cutting a customers roll and got super irritated with the managers at my work. instead of getting to sleep in on saturday morning me and my twin had to go pick up my sister out in the boon docks and take her home...which isn't any closer and if in a different direction! then I got to go to some fun grad parties and have a classy evening banquet, it was fun! on sunday I left my house around 9:30 for church, then went to graduation, then went out to eat, then went to lighthouse, then went home for ten minutes and finally settled at school for the crazy party...so basically I haven't gotten much sleep this weekend, but it has been mostly enjoyable to say the least....

I AM FREE

this has felt like the longest week & weekend ever. I completed high school - finally. which came with, having to turn all these petty final projects, papers and assignments & crazy times at school...so it has been fun, but stressful at times. but the stressful times were comforted with delightful bbq's and sitting around fires with friends and family. I am so blessed

stranger to change

changeverb: to make the form, nature, content,
future course, etc., of (something) different from what it is
or from what it would be if left alone.

---

change is a word & action I hate. I like being comfortable. It's not really a good characteristic or quality to have. I like routine and keeping things the way they are. but then again, I guess it depends on the situation.

change has become the story (or a new chapter if you will) of my life in the past month! My family and I have moved from the house I grew up in for the last 18 years...and the last 21 years for my parents. It was quit sad actually. I miss everything about my old house; smells, textures, feeling of being home, sounds, colors, coziness, set up, yard, ect. So yeah, it's been hard but our new house is cute - but it doesn't feel like home yet...it's been about two weeks and I still feel like I am at a family members or a friends house....it's weird, a whole new experience. another change is that I am three days shy of being done with high school FOREVER! this change is a change I have actually been looking forward to for some time now though no more bells ringing, nagging teachers, crowded hallways, mean liberians, rich kids, the smell of pot in the parking lot every morning, lockers slamming...the list goes on...and I'm not going to miss it. I know college is still school too, but the schedule, rules and people aren't as rigid. I'm so ready to be able to move on with my life and go where I want to go, do what I want to do...

30 hour famine

so I realized I never updated about 30 hour famine
...it was like two weekends ago!

in a nut shell my youth group [WSM] didn't eat for 30 hours to raise money & awareness of world hunger. all together (with government agencies matching our amount) we raised over $70,000! during our time of hunger we did crazy group games, had amazing worship till the early morning, watched Hotel Rwanda, made tent/box villages to sleep in,almost no sleep, drank a lot of water & gatorade, did hours of work in Detroit and spent time with the people there...all to build up to a celebration of food - aka a really nice dinner.

MOODY BIBLE INSTITUTE

I got into Moody Bible Institute.

only catch, not the Chicago campus - the Spokane, WA campus

So needless to say God closed that door.

_____________________________________________

tentative plan b/dream #2
two years at community college to save money so I can move out.

after the two years, me and my sister plan on moving to tennessee to finish school there

(not sure where yet), then hopefully live in the nashville area

to pursue a career in the music business.

thoughts thoughts thoughts

• Today I was flipping through People magazine and Melissa Joan Hart was wearing a dress I have! Only difference is that I paid the discounted price of $30 at tj Maxx and she probably got it right from the designer.

• Yesterday, seeing that Sunday is the day of rest, I took a two and half hour nap that was truly delightful! Although, the real icing on the cake was I then went to be bed quit early for a 'school night' anyway - so needless to say, today wasn't as hard as I thought!

• Okay, I never know whether to believe in karma or not, but then again alot of times what goes around, does come back around...so I guess I'll have to wait and see. The reason I wonder is because, today something unfortunate and embarrassing happened to another team member, but me and my co-woker proceeded to laugh so hard we were crying - so who knows what's going to happen to us next time :)

• Oh yes, I am also thrilled that my sister will most likely be moving downtown for the summer & I cannot wait to spend time at her place in the city, with all the people, lights, and sounds.6. Sometime this week I will FINALLY hear back from Moody...I am still unclear on where God wants me next year for school..?? - pray, pray, pray

*DREAM = desire_faith_action

spring break

*what a relaxing spring break.
instead of heading to sandy beaches I stayed home
to hang out with lovely friends and make money

random odds & ends

update:

I don't really ever have time to watch tv series,

but when I do have time I make sure not to
miss an elimination, runway walk, or photo shoot ..
it's almost as ridiculous as following any other reality tv program!

I had my last first day at Groves.
we started our third & FINAL trimester of 2008.
and if I do say so myself, I was dealt a extremely
easy stress free schedule:

1st hr: geology
2nd hr: psychology
----open lunch----
3rd hr: school store/management
4th hr: marketing/advertising
5th hr: teachers aid/independent study
_2 months,
17 days remaining

I've been working so much lately I can't even handle it,
the customers aren't always that polite, I am constantly answering
the same questions, and I can't eat any more desserts or baked goods!

tomorrow night is the 2nd annual
IFCawards
[independent film channel]
...and I am excited!

enjoy the warm
[it's getting there]
weather*

TRUE LOVE

favorite quote.

"she confronted her fears and doubts by telling herself repeatedly that she still had reason for hope -- that her past did not have to define her future."

music to my ears

Christa Black: so I've been listening to her for awhile now
- and I love her music, just so happens I was listening to her today & so I thought I would share

link to her space or go on itunes :)

new

NEWYEAR:
newstarts
newpeople
newplaces
newplans.

---

to my dismay, this year hasn't been going where I wanted it, for reasons I don't need to go into. but this year isn't mine, it's Gods - and it will go & do what He wants. therefore, this is where I impatiently sit back, be still, be quiet, and trust in Him alone.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."

Proverbs 3:5-6