how he asked

he liked it, so he put a ring on it!
___

I will never forget the first time I met MJHJR. I can remember it SO vividly, as if it happened yesterday. it was a hot, sun-shinny, Sunday afternoon! I was sitting in a coffee shop excited to meet this guy I'd hope could become my boyfriend. I was as white as a ghost, with my heart beating outside of my chest. I remember seeing him from afar as he walked towards the door, in his hat, black t-shirt & jeans on. I jumped off the stool & gave him a hug, as if we'd known each other for years. my stomach actually dropped & I was so giddy/excited/freaking out/trying to play it cool that a cute boy from up north thought he should drive down state just to get coffee... with me! he bought us iced lattes & we proceeded to talk for five hours. fast forward through two years of long drives home, texts, adventures, walks, talks, tears, laughs, kisses, disagreements, new jobs, new houses, new friends, lots of dates, road trips, long phone calls, cuddles & a lot of love... to last weekend! sort of reminds me of how I was feeling last Sunday when I met my fiance for the first time!
___

my family tries to be intentional about having family dinners when we can, so last week when my sister texted the fam that her & her husband were hosting a family bbq... of course I didn't think anything of it. in fact I texted MJHJR right away, to give him the heads up that we had family dinner coming up. he of course made a cheeky comment about  how he'd be missing a dumb TV show, before he could agree he would be there. we had just got home from a long weekend in Chicago, so I was eager to tell twin about our trip and how much fun we had! the twins arranged a double date for Sunday afternoon, before the family bbq. if you know me, you know how much I love my family. in fact being around my family is my favorite past time! so none of these plans or activities seemed out of the ordinary.

MJHJR & I generally have a very routine Sunday. we usually go to church, go grocery shopping, relax a bit, maybe go on a walk & get ready for the work week (... that makes us seem old & boring... but I love it). which is why last Sunday didn't seem at all unusual, as we went about our Sunday afternoon as we normally would. not to mention Michael seemed totally laid back & normal.... literally didn't lead onto ANYTHING (boo are you a spy or actor on the side?!). we headed downtown & met the Van's at belle isle as planned. we bummed around the conservatory, looked at pretty flowers & walked through the gardens. tried to convince boo to get us ice cream & pretty sure we mentioned how it would be cool to get married at the conservatory. typical conversations & trailing around to different sights. early on that week linds & I had discussed that we were set on taking a picture together, cause we hadn't seen each other in a while & are always eager to have a nice updated twin-pic, as we call it.

the conservatory was ideal for a cool new twin-pic... however it was rather crowded & sweaty. we wandered down to a different part of the island that leads to a beachfront. the four of us walked down this trail to explore. finally we found a cool tree lined tunnel, that led to the water. it was cute, but I wasn't a fan of the lighting. we got a twin-pic. then I snapped some photos of JV & LV, they were cute... but I felt like there were weird shadows & bad lighting. so naturally, when Linds offered to take a picture of us, I grabbed MJHJR's hand & told her to take our picture across the way in a field instead.

side note: little did I know that just the day before MJHJR was meeting with JV&LV to pass off the ring so he wouldn't have to carry it around all day. so just as they planned while I was snapping pictures of the Van's, Michael was grabbing the ring from Linds purse ... good thing I didn't turn around?!

we venture out of the tree tunnel back into this huge open field. Linds is trying to take a picture of my cute boyfriend & I. meanwhile of course in true MJHJR fashion, he is making dumb faces & flashing gang symbols. I was trying so hard not to get too annoyed ... but I swear boyfran just can't seem to ever take a 'normal' photo when I ask. before I could even begin to lecture him on why he needs to act normal & cute in a picture.... he's kneeling on one knee telling me how much he loves me & asking me to MARRY HIM!?

ME!?! you want MEEEE to MARRY YOU!?! to say I was shocked, surprised, excited, freaking out is all an understatement. my heart was racing so fast & I couldn't stop shaking! all I could say was are you serious & are you sure... not really what I had been rehearsing for the last 27 years. but somehow I managed to say YES .... and sort of stop shaking enough so he could put the ring on my finger. IS THIS REAL LIFE?! we of course have talked & planned on getting married for some time now, but the timing was always a little touchy. I didn't want to be THAT girl always bugging him about it ... and thought here & there it would happen, then when it didn't I just kept telling myself I had some time before he'd ask & really was expecting him to propose in the fall! I thought I was SURE he hadn't talked to my parents, there was no way he had got a ring yet & helllllo I know where he is at all times (clearly not) ... well, I was very wrong ... ha! what a sneaky little thing!

 

Linds & Jeff were able to capture the moment of pure bliss on video & in these perfect pictures! they gave us some time to be by ourselves & enjoy the moment. from there they explained how we were going to the family bbq to celebrate OUR engagement?! and that literally the entire family was there waiting for us!? having our family's close by was SO special & exactly how I'd have dreamt up as the perfect proposal (makes sense he made it happen ;)). everything about Michael's proposal was honestly perfect, exactly how WE would want it; a HUGE surprise, yet laid back, exciting, no big crowds & our family close by! so here we are two years later and you're still giving me butterflies & making my heart race with excitement baby!! it was fun being your girlfriend, I can't wait to be your wife!


MJHJR - you got me so good boo! I am still in actual shock as I type this gazing at my shiny hardware & can't believe you asked me to marry you! I feel like we just met for the first time. I literally cannot wait to marry YOU & become your wife! you are my favorite human & I truly can't imagine my life without you in it! babe you are the exact mix of calm, consistent, funny, wise, caring, weird, encouraging, goofy, quiet, thoughtful, detailed & concerned personality that I need in my life. you make me feel so loved, cared for, comfortable, beautiful, needed & known even on my hardest days! I can't wait for your comic to come out, because you're my favorite superhero! I'm so thankful that our paths crossed when they did ... God knew we needed each other. I had a feeling life with you would always be a Holliday.

I love you bae, hey lets get hitched! 

insta boast | part two

oh yeah I forgot this was supposed to be a series. lol. my bad, I get lazy and life has been rather busy. which reminds me that I should tell everyone in the world ... the real me is kind of lazy, loves to sleep, complains a lot, literally never wears make up to work, generally has a more pessimistic outlook on life, can be extremely judgmental, is short with those I love/care about the most, cannot keep my room clean, has horrible road rage and my 15 year old car has old french fries, trash and coffee stains all over it. am I even an actual adult!? it's funny that you'd neverrrrr know any of that by scrolling through my perfectly manicured social media outlets. am I right?! life can feel SO isolated when you start believing the lie, that you're the only one with a messy life beyond the cropped lines.

the best part of instagram is the array of filters & cropping options, if I want to be more tan there's a filter for that. if I want to make the bags under my eyes look less noticeable, there's a filter for that. I am curious who actually posts #nofilter photos?? and sorry, but is it ACTUALLY filter-less?! lets be honest, the crop & filter of the photo can actually make or break how I appear online ..... and potentially lose them likes. it's why the weight loss before & after photos that flood my feed, from different work out accounts I follow sort of crack me up ... bad over head lighting and where your leggings sit on your hips, will determine if you look 10 pounds less than you are or not. [not discrediting peoples hard work, I truly find it inspirational when people change their habits to strengthen their body]. just saying, I know all the tricks okay.

how funny, sad & yet warped is it that we go to such lengths to get the perfect lighting, best angle & such a precise crop ... to post ONE square photo. sound familiar?! it's scary how easily I get sucked into this process in real life, not just on my instagram boast(s). I find myself having this mentality in real life too people! I try so hard to look, speak, come across or appear a certain way from the outside. when in reality my life is cropped so no one sees my messy bathroom, the taco bell bag in my car from last week, how I snapped at my boyfriend or when I screamed profanities to myself as the driver in front of me... who #&*!#$% missed the green arrow. uh.. I don't want to spend my life living such a filtered-cropped-perfect-lighting life. why is it so difficult!? it's interesting that the only people who actually see my un-edited life are the ones that love me the most. why do I even try so hard to crop my life to out-siders?!


people; we're all messy humans okay?! lets be honest, a lot of us don't take vitamins, floss their teeth or say thank you enough [maybe that's just me?]. my room is almost always messy, I just move it out of the way for my instagram boast(s). I don't want anyone to know I have a messy room, therefore I choose not to tell/show anyone I have a messy room... I easily crop that part of my life out. maybe it's just me. guys, life is SO much more messier than my room or my un-filtered life. my life is a mess of insecurities, struggles, secret sin, relationships, thoughts, actions ect... I just happen to be an expert at making everyone else think my life is super tidy & perfectly cropped. it's like putting lipstick on a pig.

just like my family, the bearded wonder & a hand full of close friends choose to love my mess... Jesus welcomes our mess! HE steps into our mess and gives us the chance to clean up. it's comforting that we don't have to crop our lives with God, he sees beyond the cropped lines & filters. Jesus sees us & loves us the same. God calls us his MASTERPIECE [Ephesians 2:10.. the best], we're perfectly cropped to HIS liking. God has created us exactly how He saw fit. not one mistake or blemish on his creations. God I pray that I can stop hiding inside the filters & cropped photos, let me live a transparent life ... where I'm reflecting YOUR image. I want to be cropped & filtered into your liking ... not mine.

insta boast | part one

you can tell you are close to someone when you start talking in weird-unnatural-funny sounding voices. it happens over time, usually without any sort of explanation. you subconsciously pick up weird phrases & tones that never existed prior to that relationship. if you ever read through my texts or overheard private conversations I have with my go-to-people, you'd probably think you were either listening to toddlers struggling to talk or maybe someone with a weird accent or perhaps a speech impediment?! [I'm exposing my humans as I type this, ha!]

sometimes our lingo involves adding an unnecessary "g" sound to any word that starts with a "c". or we may call each other weird names that are not even close to an offshoot of our given name. or there's my boyfriend who is an expert at cartoon voices, in fact I sometimes wonder if he completely missed his big break as a cartoon voice actor. some of us say "gol", which originates from the expression "golly" and "gah" - perfectly meshed into one easy to use exclamation. I'm sure all of our mothers & grade school teachers would shake their heads & roll their eyes if they heard us communicate to one another. bless it.

recently my twin sister & I were talking (in our language) about an instagwam boast we had scrolled past. in that split second our silly, everyday, seemingly normal, yet very unusual language communicated one of the LOUDEST revelations I have had in quite some time.... WHAT IS MY INSTAGRAM BOASTING?! in this case I don't just mean post, like an actual BOAST. what is my secret language on social media?! am I communicating encouragement or garbage? am I subconsciously fueling my self worth with a little graphic heart?! am I doing enough, to compete with professional cameras & air-brushed women?! what do my posts say about me? what are my POSTS BOASTING? does the time spent hyper scrolling even bring any sort of lasting value to my short time on earth?! why do I NEED a certain filter? why is coming up with a caption the hardest part?! my head was literally oozing with my over-analytical thoughts. in that second, I made a rash decision to delete the IG/FB apps from my phone for lent & to carefully continue to monitor my posting & time spent scrolling. 

Instagram is a mobile photo-sharing application and service that allows users to share pictures and videos either publicly or privately on the service, as well as through a variety of other social networking platforms, such as Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, and Flickr.

boast (verb) talk with excessive pride and self-satisfaction about one's achievements, possessions, or abilities. (noun) an act of talking with excessive pride and self-satisfaction.

please don't get me wrong. social media is an excellent tool to promote GOOD in this world, social media can give advice on how to live a healthy life-style, it can keep us up to date with friends around the globe, social media can encourage strangers, it shares cute stories & informs us of things happening around the world. unfortunately while social media continues to make the world feel very small, it's continuing to make me feel even smaller. SO I am writing a blog series about my experience as a recovering IGQ (instagram queen). join me as I try to write about what I've been learning, by experiencing life outside a square filtered catch phrase.

* series disclaimer: this is clearly just my personal convictions & struggles with social media (mainly Instagram)... that's why I've taken to my own online diary. I am certainly not condemning social media. I LOVE social media. my psyche just needs a break from hyper scrolling. so post on.!