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Wednesday, December 29, 2010

uh.

Uh, it's kind of funny how when you FINALLY have what you think you wanted [love/adventure/achievement], but you don't feel the way you thought you were supposed to feel...once you get to that point. what a let down, right?

...a calling starts to feel like a punishment and
what was once a day-dream begins to feel like an obligation.

Uh, there's absolutely nothing in this entire world that will ever truly satisfy the human soul/being.

this world obviously has nothing for me. give me Jesus, that's all I need.


of course, I'm excited to travel to new places, meet new faces and follow/encounter God in CRAZY ways, I'm just realizing that even fulfilling dreams God set/blessed aside for me won't satisfy...only HE can truly satisfy.

here's to a bitter & sweet future.
I'm glad God's in control of it.
now I just have to simply
continue on, no turning back.

"You can never be the same after the unveiling of a truth [will/path/call on your life]. That moment marks you as one who either continues on with even more devotion as a disciple of Jesus Christ, or as one who turns to go back as a deserter."

Saturday, December 25, 2010

h a p p y christmas.

“For to us a child is born...
HE will be c a l l e d
Wonderful Counselor,
Mighty God, Everlasting Father,
Prince of Peace.”
_ i s a i a h 9:6


*amazing Christmas Eve church service, quality time with friends + family, too much yummy food, many fab pressies, twinkle lights, J E S U S...feeling super BLESSED.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Guest Post:

Stole this post from my twin lfillmore.

"For our third-annual Christmas get-together with my girls {babes, sisters...}, we got all dolled up & had a huge, delicious dinner together.

I love dressing up, I love dresses, I love wearing heels, I love putting make-up on, I love curling my hair, I love it. So its always exciting to get all dolled-up for dinner with some of my favorite girls. In years past we've gone out to eat all dressed up, but this year it was kind of sweet just dressing up to go over to Angela's.

After we ate & took pictures {of course}, we put our "cozy clothes" on, ate dessert, & started what turned into an almost four hour period of time of just sharing what God has been doing in our lives since the last time we all met {in this setting, last spring}

It was one of the best experiences I've ever had & will always remember. One by one, we all talked about God, our families, school, work, guys, friends, & everything else in-between, struggles, highs, lows, & weaknesses, but there was so much openness, honesty, & rawness. And there was a lot of tears & tissues, but also a lot of laughs. It was so great!


Once more & more of us started talking about our lives over the past few months, we started to see a trend or thread throughout each of our stories/updates that all kind of related to each other. It was so encouraging!

It's also just sweet to think back over the last few years that this group of girls have been together. We've all grown & matured SO much, its awesome. It's awesome that we have each other to share about what Gods doing in our lives with!

There was one point when we gathered around Angela & prayed over her. It was so great, she has prayed over us & for us so many times, it was so sweet to be able to come around her & pray over her!


When I left {at 2:30am} I felt so filled, so overwhelmed, and just feeling overly blessed once again by God's greatness in my life.

How did I get so blessed with such a rich sisterhood that I know I'll have around me for years to come!? I wish every girl could experience times like these & have a group of sisters like mine...

It was definitely a sweet early Christmas gift.."

Sunday, December 19, 2010

way-to-go

Tonight was my very last lighthouse...until I come home from Australia in JUNE!! How weird is that!? It felt funny to think that I'm not going to be amongst that group of people for six whole months! This situation I find myself in of literally preparing to leave everything I know and love behind is very... sad, exciting, nerve racking and rejuvenating -- all at the same time.

Of course Cliff's message was exactly what I needed to hear & the worship was exactly what my heart needed. The message was on b e i n g the Church, through discipleship & fellowship. Um, HELLO!! That's EXACTLY what I am going to do!? God is so cool in working things out, eh?!

As followers of Christ we're called to be disciples and to disciple others. Discipleship and fellowship go hang in hand, it involves investing and wanting to pour into anothers life.

Then he spoke about how as the body of Christ we're to do our part to expand the kingdom...in turn, creating disciples and a need for fellowship. We're to go to go the ends of the earth, making disciples, baptizing them in the Holy Spirit! It doesn't matter what our vocation is, if we're a follower of Christ, we're supposed to go the ends of where ever we're at...and that's exactly what I will be doing in three very short weeks. Actually going to the ends of the earth, as a disciple and to disciple...creating fellowship to expand the Kingdom :)

It was crazy how Cliff's message was just confirming that what I'm about take on this January is "from him and through him and to him ". I love how God uses others to speak directly to us! Tonight was such a great way-to-go.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Said Too Much.

I am currently at work
& FRUSTRATED.
ugh! ew. gross.

Let's be honest, working at this giant, cold, multi-million dollar, affluent neighbor-hood library; I've come across my fair share of arrogant, slimy, old men.... those three words describe most, if not all the men that live around here exactly. They are arrogant, because they actually think that the world revolves around them and that their needs are of higher priority than anyone else, they are constantly stuck on a high horse. They are slimy, because they make remarks that are straight up SLIMY...sometimes on the borderline of being considered sexual harassment and are constantly just plain annoying and difficult. They are old... well, because they are old, usually pressing upon early 50's to later 60's.

They, them, those, men -- wait, they aren't even men, that's not how any man should act -- think it's okay to raise their voice at yours truly & speak harshly to me! In my two point five years that I've worked here, it's happened mmm... a hand full of times. SOMETHING, something really simple doesn't go their way or they are having trouble understanding directions and then, they GO OFF! BOOM. Like a dynamite. They lose control of their words and act like fools.

Okay, so now you kind of understand what kind of person I'm talking about...my most recent encounter with one of these fine tax payers, just twenty minutes ago, really made me think about just HOW important our words truly are!! ... read on

Example, just now -- there were four grown men, meeting in a study room with only two chairs... therefore, they did the logical thing, grabbed two other chairs from the computer desks & rolled them into the study room.

Problem is, it's against our Library's fire code & policy to bring extra chairs into a study room. I had already mentioned that to the main guy, before the others had gotten there and he agreed and was cordial... then acts like a five year old [or just arrogant] and goes [when I'm not looking] and rolls extra chairs into the study room, AFTER I JUST told him he couldn't do that?! Is he five?! Seriously.

I see this interaction, of the chair being misplaced and swiftly, yet composed walk over to the study room & open the door. Tell them that they can't bring extra chairs in and kindly remind the main guy that I JUST TOLD him that. The main guy -- a Library regular, knows the rules, and just heard me say 15 minutes prior that chairs couldn't be moved around -- stands up and just starts going at it, yelling [mind you, we're in a freaking LIBRARY] about how they are in a very important meeting and that I'm disturbing them and that they work for the county and pay taxes so they should be able to do what they want... on, and on, and on....

In between this not-so-manly man's rage, I suggested NICELY [I'm getting paid really well & have no other option, but to be nice...plus it's the right thing to do, right?] that he was MORE THAN WELCOME to switch rooms with other patrons, if he could find patrons willing to switch. I went over asked two ladies to switch rooms with them and the man and his embarrassed, yet spin-less friends went on with their snowy day.

At this point I am FUMING! The rage filling inside me seriously changed how I felt physically. All because a stranger spoke harshly and disrespectfully to me. I sat at my desk with a tingly nose wanting to cry. I kept thinking, if only my dad was here to yell back at them...I'm also pretty sure steam was coming out of my ears.

All of that to say...

Even if I sound like my mom, "it's not what we say, it's how we say it"

You have NO idea what kind of effect words and tones have on people...of course no one is perfect and people mess up, but this is definitely something we ALL should work on. HELLO, people :: angry tones and harsh words can change someones entire day in an instant, like that disgusting man just changed mine.

Lessons learned after today's little FIASCO:
1. keep your tongue from evil.
2. slimy, arrogant, old men are not truly men.

THE END.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

re: post // one year ago

"... this can only equate to God moving & stirring my life up.
God DOES move in mysterious ways.
When we open our eyes, heart, and mind--He mysteriously moves in.
"

I LOVE that God has proven himself faithful over this past year...He molded, shaped and redefined my heart to ready me for the next chapter of my life. I love being able to look back and now realize what the mysterious ways were leading up to!

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Is this real life?

All of the major details are taken care of,
e x c e p t for the last one ...

Lets review:
Pray about it... check
Talk to my parents about it... check
Apply to YWAM... check '
Worry about it... check
Apply for passport... check
Apply for visa... check
Pray more about it... check
Receive passport... check
Receive visa... check
Buy health insurance... check
Procrastinate... check
Cry about it... check
Change plans & go in Jan instead of Oct... check
Write support letters... check
Make prayer cards... check
Worry some more... check
Stress about it... check
Pray some more... check
Cry some more... check
Send out support letters & prayer cards... check
Plan a fundraiser... check
Fill out resignation forms at work... check
Book flight... check
Get to Australia... _______

GOD is so faithful.
GOD is so good.
GOD is so providing.
GOD is so protective.

Honestly, so far nothing about getting to THIS point of my journey has been easy... but GOD has remained so constant! It's been hard, tiring, painful, scary, and intimidating -- and now I'm this close and God has proven His strength, by getting me past all the hurdles it took to get here. I can't believe this is real life?! I'm going to Australia for three months & around the world for another three months... God is crazy!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Certainty vs. Uncertainty

Being certain of anything is comforting.
–adjective
free from doubt or reservation; confident

Being uncertain of anything is scary.

–adjective
not confident, assured, or free from hesitancy


Certainties:
1. Christian
2. Fillmore
3. American
4. Twin
5. Truth

Uncertainties:
1. Persecution
2. Valleys
3. Mistakes
4. Job loss
5. Risk
6. Life
7. Marriage
8. Children
9. People
10. The World

Even though the uncertainties out number the certainties, they can never out weigh them. The weight that our certainties carry, surpasses ALL and any uncertainty we may face. These past few days, I've been examining the direction my life is heading at present... much of it feels uncertain. Therefore, I'm so glad I serve a God that chose, to cover my uncertainties with HIS certainty!