defining the refined

the past isn't supposed to define you,
it's supposed to refine you.
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maybe it's just me, but it seems that my past mishaps are generally messy, complicated, twisted and maybe full of unexpected/unwanted situations? mistakes made and lessons that were humbly learned. [ NOTE: on the other hand my past is ALSO filled with a lot of good things too - travel, opportunities, adventure and people that have all formed/shaped me to who I am today]. I seem to (unfortunately) naturally fall into a toxic trap of thinking that my "negative" past is the only thing that actually really defines me, today I am learning to let it REFINE me.

Jesus freely gives me the opportunity to be daily refined, not defined. when I allow myself to believe I'm defined by my past, it physically feels like a dark cloud is constantly looming above my head. my head is filled with a constant whisper of the past. my messy brain re-calculates my every past move and I sit there consumed with how I would have or could have done things differently - if I would have gone there or could have met them sooner!?


it's funny and sad how difficult it is to remember that I'm not labeled by what was. I want to believe that the best is ahead and that I am fully capable of living/walking out in the freedom of not being defined by past choices. the Message says what we see today is gone tomorrow. Jesus knows our past and literally only sees our future. HELLO my past isn't going to dictate my relationships, my dreams or how I view myself. 

when I was filled with doubt, now I can be assured. where I was confused I can now see clearly. when I was at my best, I can still be expectant. when I was anxious I can now be content.  God please continue to refine me so I'm no longer being defined by my past (or really the future at that). at the end of the day I just want to be refined/molded/shaped into the best woman I can be. I want to love harder, smile more,  show grace, laugh louder and know Jesus more than I did ten minutes ago. 

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2 Corinthians 4:16-18 MSG | So we’re not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There’s far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can’t see now will last forever.

gratitude attitude

HELLO why/how is it already 2016. I can't say I enjoy getting older or the fact that ten years ago I was in high school ....!? it scares me to think how fast 10 whole years can fly by. I'm not a fan of change, growing up or adulthood for that matter. 

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in my short 26 years of life experience, anxiety has always [almost naturally] accompanied even the most basic life change. this past year especially, seemed to hold the most change, probably the most I've experienced so far as an adult. [ekkk... why me God?!] some changes were good, some were hard, some were uncomfortable, some changes were REALLY great and some were out of my control. things like my work load, relationships, responsibilities, family, finances & city all changed last year. every month & season seemed to offer a "fun" change, accompanied by anxiety. thoughts constantly festering in my little jumbled brain, over analyzing situations and worrying about what the next day would look like. my nervous-nelly tendencies certainly felt their glory in 2015! but thankfully satan didn't have a chance to win.

with each change & anxiety, came a mental thankful list. lists, on lists, on lists, on lists (you get the point).... countless lists of a zillion other things I was thankful for, amongst the said change. the more I recognized what I was thankful for, the less I worried about the actual change taking place. it's like God was distracting me, funny how that works?! thanks God. it seems to only take about ten seconds, to thank God for the little things & I quickly start to notice my worries erase?! 

it's a little too early in 2016 to predict any sudden changes... then again who even knows what tomorrow will look like?! either way I PRAY that I can maintain an attitude of gratitude in 2016... I want it to become second nature. I want to be so thankful that there is not even enough time to worry or be anxious. it seems like an audacious pray ....but I serve a bold & strong God, so I'm confident this is achievable!

• step 1 to saying YES to life in 2016... having an attitude of gratitude.!!  

PHILIPPIANS 4:6-7
Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray [write a thankful list]. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.