fun times!

hey blog! it's been a while... I guess nothing has changed, I still just type up random thoughts that pop into my head & chances are it probably doesn't make sense to outside readers -- but I promise somehow all these thoughts God made clear or connected dots in my jumbled crazy mind....

Like lately...  God is showing me that He has a sense of humor, in that my current ending-of-a-season is literally exactly like it was two years ago!!? therefore I should be a pro at this kind of thing right....?! mmm... how about no.
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September 2010...
I was planning to relocate to Australia January 2011. worrying about finances, getting ready to make a huge move, starting to see an end to a season, expectant for new/exciting things to come, anxious about change, having to constantly psych myself out to actually follow through with the plans God was leading on, working a lot, worrying some more about finances, procrastinating with the bigger details, not sleeping much because anxiety keeps people awake, and literally crying a lot to God asking if THIS is REALLY what He wants me to do... because what I thought I wanted and (then) had right in front of me seemed a lot harder/scarier/bigger & not-so-fun as I imagined.

September 2012...
I am planning to relocate to Chicago January 2013; now all I do is worry about finances, try to make myself ready for a move, I'm starting to see the end of a really good season and it makes me sad/nervous, I'm expectant of new/exciting things, I'm constantly anxious about the change, I am finding I have to psych myself up to actually follow through & take the steps needed to see this change happen, I'm working A LOT, add some more worry about finances, starting to notice I'm once again procrastinating with some of the bigger details, lately I haven't been sleeping much because anxieties flood my mind when I'm left alone with my thoughts, I find I'm crying a lot more to God in doubt -- wondering if this is actually what He wants me to do next; because even though it's something I've WANTED & WAITED for... everything about it seems too difficult, scary and not very fun....as I was hoping it to be....
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obviously God knows how I'm wired. He knows how I deal with stress. He knows how I am with money. He knows that I feel anxious and He sees that I'm not having fun right now, but He also knows that I'm not completely reliant on HIM when times are fun & care free!!

All of that to say... huge shout out to the Creator of the world for being patient with me, for wanting to use me in a very specific way and choosing to take me on crazy [& sometimes scary] adventure[s] with Him... even though I have a messy/broken past!! 

He knew in 2010 what my 2012 would look like, so I could be [somewhat] prepared to handle all the crazy/scary changes that are coming...even though it's scary/difficult, it's kind of an adrenaline rush to think about the things God has planned for me...I know what my 2010/2011 looked like, so I cannot imagine what else He has in store for me next!!

"Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. ⁸ Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. ⁹ But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ¹⁰ That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

2 corinthians 12:7-10 

I took this picture on a Thai beach... thinking... is this REALLY my life?!
I'm finding that following God's plan for my life tends to have that reaction.