my prayer: spend it all

"We are not here to prove that God answers prayer, but to be living trophies of God’s grace" - Ossy Chambers

I open up my eyes, oh Lord / To see all the things you've done / I open up my heart, oh God / To feel your unfailing love / And I open up my all to you / All my life for your glory to show / And I open up my soul to you alone / Come make yourself at home

And I'll give all that I have to give / 'Cause it's everything I am, Lord / In this life I'll spend it all for you / I'll waste it all on you

I offer up my mind to you / I long for the truth, you know / I offer up my feet to you / They'll walk straight on the path you show / I offer up my time to you / So keep me and hold me still / And I offer up my hands to you / Lord, use them to do your will

And I'll give all I have left to give / 'Cause it's everything I am, Lord / In this life I'll spend it all for you / Yeah, I'll waste it all on you / I'll waste it all

Let your Spirit take me over, God / 'Cause it's all I ever need / Yeah, you're all I ever need, Lord / And receive this life in offering, God / 'Cause I spend it all for you / Yes, I spend it all for you, Lord / Ooh, I spend it all on you

My new theme song? I think yes.

label.ed

God is speaking to me a lot about L A B E L S .
First it was last week, in Nashville with our WSM students. Jerry did a really meaningful message on the labels that we believe about ourselves or labels that others put on us that we believe. Then last night at watershed we talked about our identity in Christ and how our only identity should be in Christ. Then this afternoon I was listening to a podcast that was all about labels and getting a new name for ourselves!! God orchestrates everything in our lives, so I know it's not a coincidences that all of this labeling stuff keeps coming up. I believe God is calling ME to look at the labels I've put on myself and believed about myself, or the labels that I've allowed others to put on me.

It's time for me to recognize the labels and pull them off. I'm tired of walking through life believing lies about myself. I just want to be known as God's... that's the only label I want to wear. Actually Cliff's message on Sunday was about following God and not looking at anyone else, keeping our eyes focused just on Christ...HELLO...that's what I want/need to do! Who cares what people have said about me in the past, who cares what I've believed about myself...I'm a NEW creation in Christ Jesus, the old has gone & the NEW has come...HE gave me a new name...the only label I want is that I am HIS.

...you shall be called by a new name which the mouth of the Lord shall name. // Isaiah 62:2

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! // 2 Corinthians 5:17

SHE is

...somebody's baby.

Phuket, Thailand : Bangla Rd.

This is the entrance to Bangla Rd, near Patong Beach. A closed street oozing with bars, women, tourists, fake designer things, tuk tuk's, curiosity, loud music, flashing lights, crowded walk ways, lust, drinks, drunks, shamefulness, brokenness, + searching.

Jon Foreman's song Somebody's Baby is about a homeless girls journey, filled with searching & always coming up empty...concluding that no matter where SHE has been or what SHE has done; SHE is still somebody's baby. SHE is the child of someone. SHE is the little girl, daughter, or sister of someone.

The lyrics remind me a lot of the women I met on Bangla Road. Each night we would go into the bars, buy a pop, and talk to our friends behind the bars, over a game of connect four or jenga.

No matter what their story is, where they have been, what they have done or seen, where they have come from or who they were with...they are somebody's baby still.

SHE is and will always be somebody’s baby. SHE is a child of the Most High. SHE is the prodigal daughter, wanting to come home and doesn't want to be homeless any more. SHE longs for love. SHE thinks money and the attention of a man will fulfill her void. SHE has dreams. SHE wants freedom. SHE searches and never finds.

SHE is not an object; SHE is a living, breathing human being. SHE is worth far more than rubies. Right now SHE has deceptive charm and fleeting beauty, longing to be restored. SHE is clothed with strength and dignity; SHE can laugh at the days to come.
[proverbs thirty-one]

SHE needs to embrace her daughter-hood. SHE needs to find refuge in her Father. SHE needs to run to His arms. SHE needs to come home, the only place where she will search and truly find.

pray, pray, pray & pray again
for the daughters on Bangla Road...

Somebody's Baby

photo credit ::
Elesha Atwood &Janie Giebelhaus

freedom from fear.

I can't...but HE can

Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

Take delight in the LORD,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:

He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn,
your vindication like the noonday sun.

Be still before the LORD
and wait patiently for him;

do not fret when people succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.
Psalm 37:3-7

---

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.
John 10:10

stop pushing my buttons.!

Satan is pushing ALL of my buttons right now... I feel hopeless, confused, anxious, uncertain, tired, agitated and annoyed. It's hard to go from the top of a mountain to the bottom of the valley. I'm at such a weird vulnerable state right now, one that I've never really experienced in my adult life. I literally do nothing during the day, I have no job, I have no money to go anywhere or do anything...I have to ask my parents for money or they give me a few bucks out of pity... I hate it! I hate feeling & living life like this! I go for a run or a bike ride every morning & wonder how & why my life looks like this!? I seriously ponder what life would be like if I had never left my comfy life in the first place...this time last year I was living on my own, had money in my bank account, and had a generally fun life. Life isn't fun right now...it sucks! I need Your help Jesus...I'm being attacked and I'm allowing Satan to win!? What's wrong with me...help me! I had so much purpose .. meaning .. identity while I was in Australia and Thailand...why is it SO hard to find those things in "real life"?! Maybe I'm just having a bad day...maybe I'm hormonal....maybe God's trying to teach me something & I'm blatantly ignoring the lesson...maybe I'm a brat...what ever it is, I need God to lift me out of this pit I fell into. Jesus keep my head up & push me into the narrow gate, because I need L I F E again...You never said this would be easy.

"Enter by the narrow gate...Because narrow is the gate and
d i f f i c u l t   i s   t h e   w a y   w h i c h   l e a d s   t o   l i f e"
—Matthew 7:13-14

speaking t r u t h

While I was in Phuket, Thailand I had the opportunity to go into bars every night and speak t r u t h into the bar tenders lives. Depending on the situation it was just complimenting their make-up, telling them that they CAN dream big, or simply offering some sort of hope.

I remember talking to a girl on the other team over a bowl of cereal, about how important it is to speak raw t r u t h into our new friends lives, but not just our new friends...but all women. Women often struggle with their identity and confidence...so why not encourage the women in your life?! Ask the Holy Spirit to give you the words to speak over them...even if it feels awkward, say it & mean it! Really speak t r u t h into the life of someone around you...it could change their day, their week, their life. Every girl wants a gem // nugget of encouragement...so start today !!

"...let our lives lovingly express truth [in all things, speaking truly, dealing truly, living truly]." Eph 4:15 AMP

swing swing

Today I took the little boy I babysit for to the park. We went on the swings. I don't remember the last time I swung on a swing, but I loved it! [minus the slight headache that followed] The more & more I pumped, the higher & higher I got...the higher the swing swung, the whiter my knuckles got. I had the tightest grip on those chains. There was no way I could have slipped off that seat.

Why didn't I want to fall off the swing? Because it would hurt, it would be uncomfortable, it MIGHT be fun, and it would definitely involve risk. Okay wow, that's what I want my life to be like! I want to jump off the swing! That's how YOUR life should be! Don't waste your life by holding on to the chains of the swing...let go of the chains that are holding you back & live a risk filled life! Live life full of faith... faith that assures your jump off the swing, will be successful...no matter the outcome! We serve a God that wants us to step forward in faith, it's going to involve jumping off the swing....it starts with me.

"let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and
with the full assurance that faith brings... Let us
hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he
who promised is faithful." hebrews 10:22-23

Chaing Mai

I wrote this update for the YWAM Newie website, while we were in Chaing Mai...

The past four weeks our team has been in Chiang Mai working with a unique ministry called the Centre. The Centre teaches English to university students, their focus is to bring students to Christ through building solid relationships. Thailand is a predominately Buddhist nation, therefore most of our students are not believers. We have been able to spend time getting to know our students in and out of the classroom setting, giving them a sense of value and belonging. Through the relationships we have built, we have had chances to share who Jesus is with our students. Here we have been responsible for getting our students plugged in with the Centre so they can come to know Jesus as their personal Savior, be mentored and discipled.

This type of ministry has taught us how to be faithful in the little. It would be easy for us to get discouraged because we aren’t seeing salvation’s every night. We are constantly reminding ourselves that it is okay to simply be building relationships with the students; by getting dinner with them after class, meeting them for coffee, or doing touristy things with them on the weekends. God commands us to love our neighbors as ourselves and that’s what we are doing.

Being faithful in the little for our team has been things like teaching English enthusiastically, not being shy about telling our students why we are in Thailand, being intentional about praying before meals or just by talking about our God like a Friend. In Luke 16:10 it says, “Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much.” Our team knows that God has huge things ahead for each of us because we have been faithful in the little things here in Chiang Mai. Whether it is in our next phase down in Phucket, or when we get home from our DTS, we are choosing to be faithful in little, until God decides to give us more!

Besides teaching English in Chiang Mai, we have had various other ministry opportunities including teaching Sunday school, leading worship, practical work and prayer walks. Our prayer walks are not your average prayer walks, we pray before we walk, while we walk, and after we walk. We take time to hear from God before going out into the westernized-tourist-filled markets. After some time of hearing God, we share back and go do/say whatever God tells us. It is like a “spiritual scavenger hunt”! We seek out people or areas we feel God is leading us to and pray over them or encourage. The other night we were out and a group of us talked to a man for two hours who was selling suits about his life, God and praying in his own language. Another group was able to encourage a nearly full term pregnant vendor, who sits at the market all day trying to sell extravagant-hand-made soap to support herself and her family. The people of Chiang Mai are thirsty for something more out of life and we are stoked to have the opportunity to share some Living Water with them!

Video update from Chaing Mai...

Make Us Ready - Harvest Bashta

neglect.

Bloggie, I'm so sorry for neglecting you over the past month or so. I'm slowly coming back. There is a lot to process. Things need to be processed, before they can be words on a page. Forgive me.

Love,
Courtney

final Thailand video update

Thailand team Finishes and is commissioned from YWAM Newcastle Media on Vimeo.

thailand video update 2

Thailand team- week 3+4 from YWAM Newcastle Media on Vimeo.

Thailand Update

Here are two quick videos that my team leader created...highlighting what our team has been doing over the past six weeks...Enjoy!

Video One
Video Two

thailand video update 1

Team Thailand Week 1 from YWAM Newcastle Media on Vimeo.

Thailand

No big deal, I'm in Thailand... it doesn't seem/feel real. But yes, this is my life right now!? We're wrapping up a mini-DTS this weekend. We've been helping a Karen YWAM base lead their mini-DTS. It's been so amazing. The students are amazing and eager to learn and know God. Each team member has had a chance to teach lectures, lead intercession, worship, and drama. This weekend we're being split into three teams and each going on a weekend long Outreach with the students to a village up the mountain, near the Karen YWAM base.

Pray that the students are open to the Holy Spirit leading them while they are on their Outreach. Some of the people in the villages we'll be going to may or may not have ever hear that Jesus loves them... pray for soft hearts and open ears.

1 Corinthians 2
And so it was with me, brothers and sisters. When I came to you, I did not come with eloquence or human wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God. For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weakness with great fear and trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power, so that your faith might not rest on human wisdom, but on God’s power.

We do, however, speak a message of wisdom among the mature, but not the wisdom of this age or of the rulers of this age, who are coming to nothing. No, we declare God’s wisdom, a mystery that has been hidden and that God destined for our glory before time began. None of the rulers of this age understood it, for if they had, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory. However, as it is written:

“What no eye has seen,
what no ear has heard,
and what no human mind has conceived”—
the things God has prepared for those who love him—

these are the things God has revealed to us by his Spirit.

The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. For who knows a person’s thoughts except their own spirit within them? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. What we have received is not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may understand what God has freely given us. This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, explaining spiritual realities with Spirit-taught words. The person without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God but considers them foolishness, and cannot understand them because they are discerned only through the Spirit. The person with the Spirit makes judgments about all things, but such a person is not subject to merely human judgments, for,

“Who has known the mind of the Lord
so as to instruct him?”

But we have the mind of Christ.

"Do you trust me?" - God.

(Isaiah 53-54) 53¹ Who has believed our message
and to whom has the arm of the LORD been revealed?
² He grew up before him like a tender shoot,
and like a root out of dry ground.
He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,
nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.
³ He was despised and rejected by mankind,
a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.
Like one from whom people hide their faces
he was despised, and we held him in low esteem.
⁴ Surely he took up our pain
and bore our suffering,
yet we considered him punished by God,
stricken by him, and afflicted.
⁵ But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
and by his wounds we are healed.
⁶ We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to our own way;
and the LORD has laid on him
the iniquity of us all. ⁷ He was oppressed and afflicted,
yet he did not open his mouth;
he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,
and as a sheep before its shearers is silent,
so he did not open his mouth.
⁸ By oppression and judgment he was taken away.
Yet who of his generation protested?
For he was cut off from the land of the living;
for the transgression of my people he was punished.
⁹ He was assigned a grave with the wicked,
and with the rich in his death,
though he had done no violence,
nor was any deceit in his mouth.
¹⁰ Yet it was the LORD’s will to crush him and cause him to suffer,
and though the LORD makes his life an offering for sin,
he will see his offspring and prolong his days,
and the will of the LORD will prosper in his hand.
¹¹ After he has suffered,
he will see the light of life and be satisfied;
by his knowledge my righteous servant will justify many,
and he will bear their iniquities.
¹² Therefore I will give him a portion among the great,
and he will divide the spoils with the strong,
because he poured out his life unto death,
and was numbered with the transgressors.
For he bore the sin of many,
and made intercession for the transgressors.















54 ¹ “Sing, barren woman,
you who never bore a child;
burst into song, shout for joy,
you who were never in labor;
because more are the children of the desolate woman
than of her who has a husband,”
says the LORD.
² “Enlarge the place of your tent,
stretch your tent curtains wide,
do not hold back;
lengthen your cords,
strengthen your stakes.
³ For you will spread out to the right and to the left;
your descendants will dispossess nations
and settle in their desolate cities.

⁴ “Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame.
Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated.
You will forget the shame of your youth
and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.
⁵ For your Maker is your husband—
the LORD Almighty is his name—
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;
he is called the God of all the earth.
⁶ The LORD will call you back
as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit—
a wife who married young,
only to be rejected,” says your God.
⁷ “For a brief moment I abandoned you,
but with deep compassion I will bring you back.
⁸ In a surge of anger
I hid my face from you for a moment,
but with everlasting kindness
I will have compassion on you,”
says the LORD your Redeemer.

Jeremiah 17:7-8

“But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.”

home stretch

We're almost done with our Lecture phase! Three more weeks until OUTREACH ... to Thailand!!

pray for the provision of the rest of my Outreach money...$1,800

my God is the God who provides.

faithful

“[Praise to the LORD] LORD, you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done wonderful things, things planned long ago.”

_ Isaiah 25:1

trust Me.

"If you want to walk on water, get out of the boat."

Trust Him. He wants you to walk on the water.

Playing Catch Up!

G’day Family & Friends!
Greetings from the Land Down Under! It has now been four weeks since I’ve made my home in sunny Newcastle Australia, therefore I thought it would be appropriate update you all! I’m going to let you know on what I am doing, how you can get involved and what the future holds.

Getting There.
After a teary farewell, I said bye to everyone, everything, and everywhere I know. I remember sitting at the gate waiting to board my connector flight literally thinking, “is this really happening? Am I seriously going to a different country by myself right now?” It was a very surreal experience to say the least. I remember getting a tingle in my nose as I saw Detroit fade below as the plane ascended. First flight I had a row to myself, second flight I slept, third flight I met up with a girl that I’m now in class with. God proved Himself faithful over and over again, through out my travel time.

My flight from Los Angeles to Sydney only had two empty seats on the entire flight. Somehow my new friend Kathryn and I managed to get seats right next to each other. It was a major blessing being able to have a companion on an eighteen-hour flight. We got to know each other quickly. We exchanged testimonies and life stories until we got our first of FIVE meals. As we ate our bland airplane food, we became friends with the passenger next to us. He was on his way to Hillsong College in Sydney, to study Worship Art, I love when God orchestrates situations like that! When we finally made it to Sydney, the airport was filled with friendly Aussie accents and bare feet!

After a two-hour drive North, we made it to the Newcaslte YWAM base! The base is located in an economically suffering suburb. The building itself was once a hostel that was built around a 1800’s style house, forming a massive compound of YWAMer’s. The YWAM base averages about eighty staff and students regularly. After getting “the tour” and settling in a bit, it literally felt like home. Everyone feels like long lost friends and family! The community makes you feel very welcome and comfortable.

Daily Grind.
After a week of orientations and get-to-know-you games, we were able to get into our daily schedule of the three-month lecture phase of DTS [Discipleship Training School]. We get up early in the morning head down to the warehouse [a giant warehouse a few blocks from our house of classrooms, meeting rooms and offices] for lectures, after a morning of lectures, we head back up to the house for lunch, after lunch everyone has a work duty to keep the house in order, after getting our jobs we eat family style dinner and go to more lectures.

Depending on the day of the week, we go out at night to practice what we’re learning in lecture. We either go into shopping malls to evangelize or serve homeless people sausage and talk to them about how much Jesus loves them. On Sunday’s a group of us lead an international church service at a local Baptist church, for local university students. After the service we eat lunch with the students and spend the afternoon getting to know them better. God has been teaching me to tear down the wall of timidity when it comes to talking to strangers and opening my eyes to the fact that no one should live with out not-knowing the Truth.

Lectures.
The lectures have been super challenging and compelling! I feel like I’ve been able to see and experience God in a whole new way. He has opened my eyes to the importance and urgency of reaching people for Him, what it really means to fulfill the great commission, and what quality quiet time with Him looks like. As a follow up to the lectures, we have questions that make us really examine God’s Word and our heart. We’re then assessed my one of the leaders on what we have learned or gained from the lectures.

Youth Street.
On the weekends the entire base works together to run Youth Street. Youth Street is a program that YWAM runs for local teenagers. The kids come to the warehouse every Saturday to rego [Aussie slang for registration], after rego, the youth is split into teams for various activities such as; surfing, music, dance, sports, and skating. The teams are designed to let the kids develop hobbies in a positive Christ centered atmosphere. After a few hours with their team, everyone comes back to the house for a picnic styled dinner, and Youth Street Live. Youth Street Live is a time of worship and preaching based towards the youth. A lot of the kids come from hurt backgrounds and tough family situation. Youth Street is an awesome way to reach out to the youth of Newcaslte for Christ!

How YOU Can Help.
As many of you know, after three months of Lecture and working with Youth Street, our team is going on Outreach for three months. For our Outreach, half of our group will be going to minister along the Australian coast for three week, before traveling to Brazil. The other team will be going to the Thailand and Burma boarder to minister to refugees. Our team will have the chance to reach people that may have never heard the powerful life-changing message of Jesus Christ.

Before I came on my DTS, I felt a strong calling towards Thailand; therefore I’ve told my staff that is where I feel God is calling me. We will not know our official teams until early next week, but be praying as the teams begin to prepare for each Outreach.

Coming here and not knowing where our Outreach would be has been a HUGE lesson in patience and trusting that God goes before me and knows where I’ll be going. As of right now, I still need $4,000 for the actual Outreach phase. God has certainly been faithful in providing the money I needed to get to Australia and I know that He will continue to provide what I need to leave Australia and ‘go into all nations’.

It is hard to express how THANKFUL I am for each of you and all of your support, whether prayerfully or financially. God has been so faithful during this season of my life, I know He is the Provider and will bless me with what I need.

If you’re interested in helping me financially, you can donate two ways:
1. Via www.ywamnow.com, check "Student Donation/Support" as payment type.
2. My PayPal account, donate to cfillmore@comcast.net

THANK YOU!

G'day!

I'm here ... I finally made it! It's been about a week...so I thought I would update or TRY to update.

random thoughts::
1. I underestimated how long I thought the flight was.
2. Australia is really hot.
3. YWAM is an amazing WORLDWIDE missions organization.
4. God is SO BIG.
5. Community is powerful.
6. New faces & places are good for the soul.
7. Expanding the Kingdom needs be our passion.
8. Skype makes me happy.
9. God has a purpose & plan for each of us.
10. We have to be intentional about relationships.

more to come.

"For we are God’s masterpiece. HE has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago."
Ephesians 2:10

peace out America.

Tomorrow my family is leaving me at the airport and I'm starting my 26+ hour trek to the land down under! God has been too good to me, to have blessed me with this opportunity. There are lots of mixed emotions; but I'm as ready as I think I can be :) pray for quick adjustment.

+ stay tuned for updates.

matthew 28:19 _ Therefore go and make disciples
of all nations, baptizing them in the name
of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.

it has a grip on me.

It's kind of, super late & I find myself harshly praying against all of these anxious thoughts, about the coming days/weeks/months... they are tightly holding me captive.

THEN I read this...

"Believe God is always the God you know Him to be when you are nearest to Him. Then think how unnecessary and disrespectful worry is! Let the attitude of your life be a continual willingness to “go out” in dependence upon God."

[side note: I LOVE that God chooses to speak RIGHT to us...at thee exact time we NEED to hear Him...if we would just fine tune our ears to hear Him more often :: guilty]

_ these worry/anxious thoughts are keeping me awake. plus I'm starting to feel like Abraham right about now...even though I know I'm physically going to Australia...I still feel like I don't truly know who/where/what/how/when I'm going to be used by God in the next 6 months.

"By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to the place which he would receive as an inheritance. And he went out, not knowing where he was going."
Hebrews 11:8

*an added bonus...

[This HIT me in the face]

"The end of a matter is better than its beginning [a.k.a. right now], and patience is better than pride."
Ecclesiastes 7:8

_ bottom line; God IS God & I am NOT. He IS the provider & I am NOT. Jesus chooses to see me, when I've been choosing not to see/find Him. Increasing of my faith + trust, WILL decrease my worry/anxious thoughts !!

mmm...it could be that none of this makes sense...they're just jumbled up words/thoughts/emotions that I needed to spout out. thanks for listening.