“my dreams are set in stone and
someday I’ll be who I want to be, for now I’ll wait"
Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about the future.....future defined as: college major (yet, I am already in college?!), where to transfer after next year, moving out, having to buy a ‘new-to-me’ car ... eek, what kind of job will I have one day, what to do this summer -- making money or counseling at lake ann camp, still wanting to get married/wanting a family to take care of one day, longing to go to over seas, wanting to live somewhere warm or at least before I die, perhaps re-applying to Moody Chicago or not ...
decisions, decisions, decisions ... pondering, 'where do I see myself five years from now?' It’s hard to picture what the next five years could hold, because today I don’t even know what tomorrow will hold. I have so many dreams and expectations for my future but I can’t even come up with a major to focus on for the next four years ... I can’t say I am a planner in my personal life, however I have to know everything that is going to happen next. I like to know what is next on the list of to-do’s for the day. I read the last chapter of books & google movie plots before I go see it -- I just like to know what to expect. Only God knows where I will be in five years and it’s up to me to wholly surrender to His plan, it is comforting to know that His plans for my life are bigger and better than the dreams I have.
I can’t settle on expectations or things I want to happen, I need to loosen up the reins and let God steer my life...and stop worrying about where tomorrow will lead, “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.” (Matt. 6:34) ... this concept is so hard for me, it's like living for God is life with out an agenda - because He takes you on a lot of unexpected twists and turns. I don’t like to think of myself as a “worried” person... I prefer the word concerned or aware of what will happen next ... but instead I want to exist to live for today and find excitement in not knowing what’s next.
things I am certain of; I am SO thankful for the new mercies that wash over me every morning, I really do have an amazing family who excepts my human flaws, I am blessed beyond words -- even when I don’t realize it during the valleys of life, and I have a Creator that allows me to sit back and watch while He paints a perfect masterpiece. >>>> so why am I so worried/nervous/anxious about the future?!
God please use me today, as You define my tomorrow.
1 comment:
This is so good, and much needed. I have been pondering and been challenged with this exact same thing. God wants us to be faithful TODAY! Our battle is for TODAY! We succeed when we live fully day by day. You are great and encouraging.
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