I don't want to come across as cheesy or cliché. I hate to sound like the annoying girl that is obsessed with love and finding the right guy, only watches chick flicks and reads about being pursued and what not. If one thing is certain, it’s that I am not that girl, and yet I so hate to admit it … today I am. It could be due to the fact that I am currently reading the book Captivating (which makes ever girl feel and want to be more girlie) or that I just watched Beauty and the Beast, I don't know ... but this, this is something, very out of character for me - I am the one that doesn't ever get emotional about anything, hates drama, is not by any means into 'girly' things, has never had a boyfriend, hates shopping, and doesn't think boys need to fill/waste a girls life till both parties are ready to walk down the aisle. But sooner or later these non-girly characteristics will be over shadowed by the truth of the matter ... I am a girl, therefore I have the right (wow, that sounds like I am a feminist now ..) and am entitled to carry on "normal" girl dreams and behaviors. Okay, so that was the introduction or the setting of the stage to my slight dilemma or concern ... I Courtney Lyn Fillmore; need and must learn to accept and embrace life alone (for this season of life), so I can become in love with only Christ – finding fulfillment for life in Him.I am reading Captivating as mentioned, this book is so insightful and has given me too much to chew on. It states things women may or may not want to hear - about how women often hide themsleves in the church and don't show who they really are. It offers that women shouldn't be turned off by the fact that they are a woman, because of the value God places on women. It drives home the fact that every woman is in need of want and belonging - without choosing to be too needy. It sheds light on the truth that every girl longs to be captivating, beautiful, seen, or noticed and how to become captivating to Christ, ultimatly making you captivating to the right guy. Its goal is to shape women in a way that they can fall in deep love and belonging with the Creator of only good things. This is where daughters of Eve can find their identity if they so choose, in the One that gave them the thoughts of longing to be loved, wanted, pursued, and valued.
Therefore, I can say that's what I feel, that's what I want and desire. Its getting there that's tough, being completely content with the Creator until I am fit for one He may (or may not) give me. Trying to be okay with doing life with God first, before adding someone else into the picture. To be loved and desired and pursued is something every girl (whether she admits it or not)... and if there is One that is already pursuing her, why does she long for an earthly pursuit? God is enough and will be enough to keep me content until He adds a guy my life. I just want to be head over heals for the One that created me, all the while the Enemy is so trying to pull me down. With his lies that he puts into my head, things I know aren't right, aren't true like - "God isn't enough, so fill your time with other things, God can't satisfy you, so don't even bother getting to know Him", or things like; "you're not good enough to be pursued". The Enemy attacks every girl with these thoughts I know, but because I have been in this 'girly' mind-set, I feel that, these thoughts are exactly what he is attacking me with ... how annoying right?
I just want to be consumed by God, so that the doubtful thoughts the Enemy feeds into me will subside. As I was watching Beauty and the Beast, I couldn’t help but notice the fact that the Beast fought for Belle. He offered to protect her first from wolves and then later from Guston - the slimy 'villain'. Just as the Beast fought and sought out Belle, God does the same for me and every other girl that longs to be loved and wanted. God wants me. God loves me. God fought for me, and continues to fight for me. So my hearts cry is that I will learn to vulnerable with God in way that I can allow Him to fill me up in a way that everything I do and say will be for His glory. God allow me to live happily ever after with You, casting all else aside. God allow me to be totally content with just You God, I pray that I would encounter You fullstop, in a way that people see only You in me.
