Friday, October 7, 2016

defining the refined

the past isn't supposed to define you,
it's supposed to refine you.


maybe it's just me, but it seems that my past mishaps are generally messy, complicated, twisted and maybe full of unexpected/unwanted situations? mistakes made and lessons that were humbly learned. [ NOTE: on the other hand my past is ALSO filled with a lot of good things too - travel, opportunities, adventure and people that have all formed/shaped me to who I am today]. I seem to (unfortunately) naturally fall into a toxic trap of thinking that my "negative" past is the only thing that actually really defines me, today I am learning to let it REFINE me.

Jesus freely gives me the opportunity to be daily refined, not defined. when I allow myself to believe I'm defined by my past, it physically feels like a dark cloud is constantly looming above my head. my head is filled with a constant whisper of the past. my messy brain re-calculates my every past move and I sit there consumed with how I would have or could have done things differently - if I would have gone there or could have met them sooner!?

it's funny and sad how difficult it is to remember that I'm not labeled by what was. I want to believe that the best is ahead and that I am fully capable of living/walking out in the freedom of not being defined by past choices. the Message says what we see today is gone tomorrow. Jesus knows our past and literally only sees our future. HELLO my past isn't going to dictate my relationships, my dreams or how I view myself. 

when I was filled with doubt, now I can be assured. where I was confused I can now see clearly. when I was at my best, I can still be expectant. when I was anxious I can now be content.  God please continue to refine me so I'm no longer being defined by my past (or really the future at that). at the end of the day I just want to be refined/molded/shaped into the best woman I can be. I want to love harder, smile more,  show grace, laugh louder and know Jesus more than I did ten minutes ago. 

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 MSG | So we’re not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There’s far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can’t see now will last forever.

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